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=Forum Contest= The DragonSlayer

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11/7/2012 22:02:56   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 The DragonSlayer

Lo, I swing my blade sky high,
the soft neck is severed.
Fire wraps my soul in her devilish embrace.
I push forth into the dragon's weapon,
its own esophagus, a tool of fire.

It throws me aside,
the clanging of my armor into the smoldering rock.
It raises and tries to roar, blood gushing forth like a volcano,
the birthplace of this monster from Heck.
I laugh a hearty laugh, its time draws nigh.

The dragon, ever so a malicious creature, now cries,
its burning soul diminished my ultimate prize.
I pick up my blade and advance to the beast, who gazes into my eyes

my heart,

my DragonSlayer's Soul.

It calms down, knowledge telling it fighting back is futile.
It makes what appears to be a smile, from the devil's own face.
I raise the sword o so ever high, and smirk.
The blade falls down.

< Message edited by VanHellsin24 -- 11/7/2012 23:51:22 >
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 1
11/7/2012 23:40:09   
Faerdin
Rune Knight


 I'm not incredibly familiar with free verse, but I'll help however I can. ^_^
First, I'd like to mention that usage of the word "Hell" should be Forum appropriate. If you'd like to continue with that theme, I'd say that you should go for it. If there is another reason you are using "Heck," though, it shouldn't be a big issue.
I had also noticed that the first few lines of this poem had six syllables in total, which I think is really neat considering the theme. You may or may not want to expand upon it.
Finally, I wouldn't recommend saying "o so ever." Saying "o so" or "ever so" would be sufficient, and I feel that "o so ever" is a little extraneous.
Just a question. Did you write this poem with the intention of shaping it like fire, or are my eyes just crazy? xD
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 2
11/7/2012 23:50:54   
VanHellsin24
Banned
quote:

Just a question. Did you write this poem with the intention of shaping it like fire, or are my eyes just crazy? xD


What do you mean "shaping it like fire"?
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 3
11/8/2012 0:17:46   
Faerdin
Rune Knight


 The random lengths of each verse make the poem appear to have the shape of fire if turned on its side.
Many poets experiment with the shape of their poem, the most famous example being The Red Wheelbarrow, by William Carlos Williams.
Even if it hadn't been the intent, it is an interesting turnout. ;)
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 4
11/8/2012 0:22:59   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 Are you serious?!

I had no clue it looks like fire until you just brought it up! XD
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 5
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