Sinf's Poetry - Comments and Criticism


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Sinf's Poetry - Comments and Criticism

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8/22/2008 9:42:49

Sinf
Member

The comments thread for all my poetry for all my poetry

Post comments and critique here , now! :P

Post #: 1

9/3/2008 10:27:26

Sinf
Member

New poem, Changes

Post #: 2

9/10/2008 12:14:25

Sinf
Member

Added new poem "Trees" and fixed some minor typos.

Post #: 3

12/18/2008 10:12:51

Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy

What! You have no comments? Your poetry is good; I must post the one I wrote on Tuesday (snow day).

It seems that I am having difficulty coming up with an introductory paragraph to this comment. Therefore, I shall plunge headlong into what I have to say, and hope that I do not drown. ;-)

Death was an intriguing poem. The shift from a somewhat-happy poem ("After 20 years in prison, / I'm finally free. / No shackles can hold me now, / I am beyond reach.") to a more thoughtful, dark poem interested me; it is reminiscent of many people's thought processes. You might want to change the final period to a question mark, though, as it is a question.

In addition, Pain also held deep meaning for me. It is indeed true that without pain, one begins to lose one's humanity. Too often, pain is the only true emotion.

Hmm... Death, Pain, Regret. Bit of a pattern, eh? This last one was a dark, somewhat eerie poem. Nonetheless, it is well-written. If I am interpreting it correctly, it is the tale of someone who hurt the person whom they care about, then ended their own life in an attempt to redress the wrong. Very nice. (By the way, there is only one "r" in forest.)

Finally, Changes is another poem which is an apt description of life. Everything is constantly changing, and it can be extremely hard to alter the changes that come. In childhood, things often seem to be going well; then, our eyes open to the world around us, the sorrow and pain that permeates this Earth, and our view often changes.

Ah, but I'm beginning to ramble. More than usual, that is. I think that I'd best stop.

Post #: 4

12/19/2008 12:00:16

Sinf
Member

CF! :D

And it seems like you understood what the poems was about.
The similar emotions and stuff, is just easier for me to write about those things than love,happines..etc(Don't know why though)
And fixed the typo :P
And thank you very much for your comment ^^

Post #: 5

12/21/2008 4:45:56

Sinf
Member

New poem ,"Nightmare"

< Message edited by Sinf -- 12/21/2008 4:46:17 >

Post #: 6

2/18/2009 17:19:01

Sinf
Member

New poem, "Amicitia"

Post #: 7

2/27/2009 20:36:34

Sinf
Member

New poem, "Confusion".
Also trying a new writing style

Post #: 8

3/8/2009 17:24:33

Firefly
Lore-ian

I like how you did the line splits in Confusion. The word "Love" on its own line was very powerful. Not too much to comment about since it's nice and short, just one grammar mistake:

quote:

ready to pour all it's rain over me.

it's = it is
its = possessive form
I assume you need the latter here.

Post #: 9

6/7/2009 19:16:54

Sinf
Member

Thanks Firefly :)
Fixed the mistake :p

Post #: 10

9/20/2009 19:42:08

Gianna Glow
Member

Heya!

quote:

What has once been,
Is now gone.

had works better.

quote:

I can see my thoughts,
Swirl around me.

Swirling perhaps fits better?

Its really awesome overall, but thats all I have. :D

AQW

Post #: 11

9/20/2009 19:43:56

Sinf
Member

There, fixed.
Thanks for the help ^^

Post #: 12

9/20/2009 19:45:47

YukiKitty
Member

Okay, Grammar Nazi Yuki here!

First off, I've got a problem with the punctuation at the end of every line. I'm not going to point out every line where there's a problem because that would be, well, pointless. A good rule of thumb is when in doubt of whether you should have punctuation at the end of a specific line or not, type out that line and the next and look at it in the form of a sentence. If the punctuation makes sense, then keep it. There is an exception though, and that's when you want to add the idea of a short pause in order to keep it running smoothly. I myself tend to use that happy medium more often than one or the other. Poetry is more lenient, but don't abuse that grammatical freedom.

Now, again I won't be pointing every instance of this out, but your line capitalization is strange. You need to either capitalize the first word of EVERY line or CONSISTENTLY not do that. That is one area where there isn't a happy medium. My grammar books that the first letter of every line in poetry must be capitalized, but that's where modern laughs and abuses the rules of grammar. You don't have to capitalize the first word of every line as long as you're consistently not doing it. Look at your new poem to see what I'm talking about.

quote:

Almost as it knows I’m looking at it.

1. I think that you mean "Almost as if it knows I'm looking at it".
2. This line is somewhat long and awkward within the flow of the poem. You may wish to split it at your discretion.

quote:

If you wander too far off the road,

This line is also somewhat long and awkward within the flow of the poem. You may wish to split it at your discretion.

quote:

You won’t find the way back

Okay, this is just confusing. You end every line with some sort of punctuation but the very end line?

Stylistically, read your poems out loud if you're unsure of how a line fits with the flow. It helps for me. *shrug*

I enjoyed this poem, grammatical errors aside. It's very interesting. You're on my read list, mmhmm...

Post #: 13

9/20/2009 19:58:09

Sinf
Member

Thanks! I need all the help I can get ^^
Fixed the things you mentioned, so hopefully the grammar is better now : )

Post #: 14

9/20/2009 21:09:42

Anon Y. Mous
Creative!

*Applause*
Now to the typee-typos...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nightmare

I this state, it feels like I'm dead.

I think you were going for "In this state".

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nightmare

A curse of agony,
is what it is.

I think that mebbe that comma is unnecessary.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Confusion

I feel like, there's a dark cloud over me,

Perhaps get rid of the first comma? That's my preference, although I see how it could go either way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: (Untitled)

I see the past.
what had once been,

Capital W on what.

Throughout the untitled poem I feel that there are unnecessary commas at the ends of lines. You can take a look and decide which ones aren't needed, since some of them you could want to keep. Some of the other poems have this problem, too.

Overall, good stuff. I like "Regret" the best. Something about the lake in the middle of the forest (one of the "forest"s still has two r's, by the way) just connects with me.

DF	Post #: 15

9/22/2009 18:32:18

KageArashi
Member

Your writing ability,
Is quite above most.
Pencil to Paper,
your words leave a mark.
The careful ticking away,
marks the turning page.
So let the words flow,
and the joyous souls sing.
I eagerly wait,
for the next great thing.

Ninjat Poof!
--KageArashi

_____________________________

Post #: 16

9/23/2009 17:44:20

Anon Y. Mous
Creative!

No couplets for KageArashi? *le gasp is heard*

DF	Post #: 17

10/25/2009 21:29:54

Sinf
Member

Sorry for not replying, I spoke to kage on irc so don't worry :)
and i don't know when I will get time to fix things again and write more, you know, things in real life come first.

< Message edited by Sinf -- 10/25/2009 21:30:09 >

Post #: 18

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