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A thousand critics to shape a poet

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12/29/2008 15:22:23   
Cerbero
Member
 

 Greetings, readers. As you may have noticed, this is the comments and criticism thread for " A thousand words to paint a picture".
I do not have any particular preferences in regards to comments and criticism - In my opinion, this thread is as yours as it is mine.

Oh, you expected a bit of a longer post? Forgive me, but I've got to save words. They're a bit expensive these days, and I've got to get to the thousand ones!
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 1
12/30/2008 14:59:48   
Albino Slug
Member
 

 Since you commented on mine, I felt obligated to do the same to you. Believe me when I say I was glad I did.
The first one, To the Lady in Black, really caught my eye. I have to say, that I really don't like reading poetry with structure, at least that much structure. Yet this poem was so captivating and mysterious, that I was excited to read it. It was by far one of the best poems I've read on here.
Chained Heartbeats was nice. I like how you took a slightly cliche topic (I hate the world, I want to be myself, type thing), yet you made it unique. You made it seem as if you were the first person to come with the idea. Not many people can do that, and I respect you a lot for that. Just a few questions, what genre of music would it be sung to? And is there any particular reason why the first two stanzas were italicized?
The last one was not a favorite. I'm sorry, but I just can't stand love poems. :P
Post #: 2
12/30/2008 15:13:55   
Alixander Fey
Member

:o

So which one of you is the PotM???
DF  Post #: 3
12/30/2008 15:18:36   
Albino Slug
Member
 

 I was for February.
Post #: 4
12/30/2008 15:26:49   
Alixander Fey
Member

Oh, okay. :o I feel like I'm seeing double. You have the same avatar, though. You ask for no title or something?
DF  Post #: 5
12/30/2008 15:35:20   
Albino Slug
Member
 

 Eh, it must have gotten erased with the whole restructuring. I didn't mind though. Never really bothered to want to get it back.
Post #: 6
12/30/2008 15:36:02   
Cerbero
Member
 

 Thank you for your words, Cerebus. I'm glad - and to be honest I am also both surprised and honored - that you liked Lady in Black to such extent.
About Chained Heartbeats, I must admit I chuckled, I should have said this before: Though it does in a way reflect a certain hatred and evokes to an extent the general topic of the category you mentioned, it actually does not convey a message of rebellion or actually uses such as its main topic. Chained Heartbeats refers more to what... unpleasant creatures us humans can be, taken to a certain extreme, and the realization of such followed by struggle and a degree of acceptance.
To answer your doubts, my original idea was for it to be sung as a ballad with brief lapses of fast tempo, but I am getting several alternative ideas that I would like to experiment with - I might apply for Approved Artist and post it sometime in the Multimedia section of the gallery.
The reason for the italicized stanzas is that they are an introduction of sorts, a warning preceding the actual topic and which I considered would be best distinguished from the following stanzas.

No need to apologize about the final opinion, Cerebus, I do not expect everyone to like all of my work. Her Name is, after all and in more than a way, a love poem. I respect your tastes.
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 7
1/6/2009 13:11:48   
Cerbero
Member
 

 A new poem, Stock Breaker, is up. This is another translation of one of my works in Spanish. Though it doesn't appear to have as much of an impact as the original, I believe I have maintained both accuracy and the essence of the feeling I intended it to possess.
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 8
1/30/2009 14:22:24   
Cerbero
Member
 

 Another new poem is up: Dreaming On(Under the rain). This poem is a part of a character history I am currently working on for Role Playing purposes. It may or may not be posted here in Legends and Lore soon in the future... do please note that I abide by the AE standards of S.O.O.N on that ;)
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 9
7/16/2009 5:31:17   
Fornever
Member

Hello Cerbero. I've not come across these poems before, and I'm glad that I did.

Your first poem, Lady in Black. It's very beautiful, yet I find if a bit difficult to go through the first two or so stanzas. However, it really picked up after that. I especially loved the parts leaning towards the ending; it was very melodic there.

Chained Heartbeats is definitely one of my favorites. Though, favorites really isn't that applicable considering I love them all. I love the way you wrote this, and the repetition makes it sound beautiful. I love the theme of this one.

Her Name was very dark. I liked how you painted the picture of a manipulative woman, and the imagery was beautiful.

Stock Broker had a feel to it that made me want to read it quickly. Not quickly as in it's bad, but quickly as in it's a hurry-hurry poem. Okay, didn't explain it so well. The tempo and the feelings that it gave me made me want to go through it quickly. It's a very fast-paced poem, and that's why I like it so much.

Then, Dreaming On (under the rain) was one of the most rhythmic poems I've ever read. It read like a lullaby, and I loved every moment of reading it. The flow and melody was perfect.

Great poems, Cerbero.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 10
3/27/2010 20:25:40   
Cerbero
Member
 

 I apologize for the extremely belated response... in a record-time lasting mistake, I kept checking the actual Poetry thread for replies and forgetting what that not so tiny link at the bottom of the first post was. Now that class is taking a lesser(Though still quite large) toll on me, I will return to poetry.

Thank you very much, Fornever. It's good to see that the intended feelings were conveyed... Even stock broker. With that particular poem, I wasn't quite sure it'd come through - or how to create imagery that conveyed stress and urged a quick reading while remaining subtly in the line of the poem.

I am currently reworking several pieces of my prose as well as systems for the most visited world of such, but my attention is quite caught up around a certain poem... A specific scent that is painful to remember, yet oh so addicting.

< Message edited by Cerbero -- 3/27/2010 20:29:21 >
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 11
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