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John Updike has written a very similar story to one I have just experienced. In his narrative, “Separating”, Updike writes of one couple’s struggle with the decision for separation and possible divorce. My parents told me that they were doing the same thing this past holiday season. However, the separation had already taken place because my dad is currently stationed in Kansas for a school the Air Force has chosen for him. Reading “Separating” has reminded me of a simple fact: Parents are just like everyone else; human.
“Separating” starts out explaining how the weather mocks the Maple family with beauty while they are in misery. The beautiful climate cannot be taken advantage of because the Maple’s are in such misery. This misery is caused by the disagreement between the father, Richard, and the mother, Joan. Through a back story, we find that Richard and Joan have been having problems for an extended amount of time. The only solution these two saw to fix this problem was to, for the time being, separate. Here, I make my point that parents are just like everyone else, every adult, every child, every teenager, all the same. The more responsible, adult thing to do would be to recognize that decisions effect on their family and look for an alternative solution. This separation, if permanent, would drastically change the children’s and parent’s lives forever. If the separation were permanent, it would create a practice of running from problems whenever they arose. Making it easier and easier for Richard and Joan to separate the next time they had a problem. My parents have made this same mistake.
Apparently, and unbeknownst to me, my parents have been having problems for some time. Like Judith, Richard Jr., John, and Margret in the story, I was shocked. After 18 years of growing up with married parents as an example of the power of love and marriage, those fundamental beliefs had walked out the door with my dad. Although, it might be expected that my little, 10-year-old sister would have taken this information hard; she actually remained surprisingly aloof. My parents constantly talked to her, made sure she realized the situation and was okay, but she seemed unshaken. The kind of strength I almost admired.
“Each moment was a partition, with the past on one side and the future on the other, a future containing this unthinkable now.” (Updike) In the story, Friday is the day of informing, the turning point in the children’s lives, the before mentioned “partition”. John’s reaction to the news was outspoken and obnoxious. His demeanor was one of drunken disbelief; drunk from Judith’s homecoming champagne. However, my demeanor was a result of a deep feeling of abandonment. I felt as though, if my mom left my dad, she would be leaving me as well. For weeks after the news was broken, my entire world seemed to fall apart. All areas of my life became dark, gloomy, and all-around unpleasant. Updike’s character, Joan, says that “I couldn’t cry I guess because I cried so much all spring.” (Updike) While I would hardly consider my role in my own predicament the same as the particular role Joan played in hers, we both share the same feelings expressed by these words.
Throughout this ordeal, I was seemingly unmoved. For awhile, I refused to speak to my mom, but I did not every cry; not even for a second. I thought perhaps I was unable to cry because I had cried so much or maybe because I was trying to keep a persona about me. With this drought of tears, it seemed my sister and I were the only ones.
My parents were, in no way, cruel. While announcing the break up, they repeatedly told us they loved us, that they were proud of us, and that it had nothing to do with us. These words from the text related to me in that perspective: “They had raised her; he and Joan had endured together to raise her.” (Updike)
I felt like Judith, the one and only end result. Now I was not only filled with sorrow for my family, but pity for my sister. For, she will not know a complete adolescence with married parents. And I wondered how this will affect her. Will her morals change; will her feelings toward marriage or love be completely obscured?
The Maples notice a trend with their friends and neighbors. Their relationships are punctuated by a project of some sort. As Updike wrote “Years ago the Maples had observed how often, among their friends, divorce followed a dramatic home improvement, as if the marriage were making one last twitchy effort to live;” (Updike) The Maples’ punctuating home improvement project was a tennis court in their yard. In my family, it was a cruise. The summer after my high school graduation, we went on a cruise to Jamaica and the Cayman Islands. At the time, I was told that it was a graduation present, but it never really felt like one. Looking back, it seems to make sense that it was more like this last ditch effort by my parents to make this situation work. Obviously, it didn’t and now goes along with this idea of punctuation.
The final similarity of this story and my life is the ending. “Separating” ends after the family has been told and the separation is beginning. For me, the current situation is the inevitable divorce looming in the distance. I am almost positive it is coming, but as of now, my family is in the beginning stages of divorce, the final self-check to make sure this is really what would be best. With the well-being of my sister on the back burner, it seems my parents will approach this problem with themselves as a priority. I find myself asking the same thing Dickie did at the end of the story, “Why?”
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