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lazy poet, but still kicking [discussion] ~ NEW: Heart

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7/3/2008 13:26:57   
Anon Y. Mous
Creative!


 write whenever the fancy strikes
going strong since 2008
please note that my writing is constantly getting better and, as a result, the best stuff is always towards the bottom of the list

also, you could comment. you know, if you wanted to. it's alright if you don't. it's not like I'm begging you. or crying

Full thread is here.


Anon Y. Mous's Poetry Collection (Including Philosophy and/or Humor)
________________________________

Evolution of Death
Conform
Imagine
The Poem of an Amazingly Unimportant Quest: Part 1- A Hero is Not Born
The Poem of an Amazingly Unimportant Quest: Part 2- The End of an (un)Epic Story
Information Age!/?
Originality
Winter Snow
Peace
Depression
Birthdays
That is the Question
An Allegory of Recent History
Happiness
Layers
Tribute
clock /king
School + The Lesson
Plip
School Pool
Indecisive
The Week: A Collection of Seven Poems
Oxygen
Eraser
Vacuum
Argument
If
F and A
Reduced Morality Souls: Less Healthy For You!
Alarm Clock
Observations (continuously updated)
Drugs
Procrastination
Relevance
grass
Sticky Notes
The Game
right?
Because
The Other One
Headache
Stalemate
anyway
What Do the Birds on the Powerlines Know?
A Cautionary Tale
i only want the cashews
Thought
The Most Beautiful Thing I Ever Saw
Sick
Floating On By
i and you
the writer
Airport
My eyelids are drawn inexorably together
Green
Heart




Anon Y. Mous's Story Collection:
______________________________________

A Day in the Excruciatingly Boring Life of Walter Mitty: My best attempt at a realistic comedy. Chapter 3 is my most creative writing ever, although it does sometimes give me a headache when I read it.
_______

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5



Almost: This story sets you in the shoes of a man suffering from the effects of severe OCD. Planned to show only a day in his life. I will continue this story after some more research into the specifics of the condition. Inspired by my very mild OCD. UPDATE: I have recently become very busy, so this story probably won't be updated for a couple of months. UPDATE: Discontinued. Writer's block and laziness.
_______

Prologue
Chapter 1



Goals (Keep it simple, stupid!):

Write something I can read a year later without grimacing.

< Message edited by Anon Y. Mous -- 8/21/2011 21:11:21 >

_____________________________

VERSACE DiAMOND BENZES POPPiN OLLiES iN YANKEE STADiUM WHiLE THE CHiLDREN WiPE iCE CREAM FROM THEiR DOUBLE CHiNS?? i GUESS iTS TiME TO BRiNG THE RiCE OUT
i'm a poet watch me poem-write
DF  Post #: 1
7/5/2008 15:09:26   
Anon Y. Mous
Creative!


 Yippeez! First new poems in the new L&L! Right here!

"School" is a more "old-school", structured, rhyming poem, while "The Lesson" is a piece of freeverse imagery. (My first attempt at imagery!)

"School" and "The Lesson" were meant to be the same poem, but I didn't want the rhyme scheme to change mid-poem, so I split it into a structured poem and a freeverse poem.

DF  Post #: 2
7/5/2008 22:45:32   
Crimzon5
Member

Does this count as a first post? Oh well...

Hmm... the poems are good... but they kinda lack two things which for me are important:
1) Intense emotion
2) Deep, yet beautiful words

I hope this helps.

_____________________________


Can you see the Visions?
AQ DF  Post #: 3
7/6/2008 17:00:35   
Anon Y. Mous
Creative!


 You can have the first post! *hands over "First Post" badge*

1. I agree that my poems are lacking in intense emotion, though, in my opinion, many of my poem topics would have a hard time generating that kind of powerful feeling.

2. I'm not sure if there's any way to fix this until I get a larger vocabulary, which may take some time.

Thanks for your comments!

< Message edited by Anon Y. Mous -- 7/6/2008 17:01:36 >
DF  Post #: 4
8/22/2008 19:41:30   
Anon Y. Mous
Creative!


 Back with some prose.

1. A Day in the Excruciatingly Boring Life of Walter Mitty: Some of you might remember this story from the old L&L. Pretty much in its unedited form. I don't care who you are, please read Chapter 3! I need help smoothing it out!

2. Almost: This story sets you in the shoes of a man suffering from the effects of severe OCD. Planned to show only a day in his life. I will continue this story after some more research into the specifics of the condition. Inspired by my very mild OCD.

Hope you like my writing, and as always, please post comments!

EDIT: Heh, I just found out "A Day in the Excruciatingly Boring Life of Walter Mitty" is too long to add into the title. Oh well.

< Message edited by Anon Y. Mous -- 8/23/2008 13:07:17 >
DF  Post #: 5
9/15/2008 17:02:05   
Anon Y. Mous
Creative!


 I'm back again, and this time I'll be on more frequently.
Anyway, Chapter 1 in Almost is out. I'm not sure the whole drama/fear thing came out right, so please read and comment!
DF  Post #: 6
9/20/2008 16:33:35   
r0de0b0y
Member

Hey! I'm a fanboy/girl! You can check that off your list! *ahem*

Glad your back. I'll be too, soon. All your old stuff's here but the OCD is new, to me at least. Gotta check that out right after I read the poetry. Let'see where did I leave off?

clock/king seems to be a good place to start...
AQ DF  Post #: 7
9/21/2008 22:19:31   
Anon Y. Mous
Creative!


 Whoo! You're back!

I'm probably not going to put out much new poetry. I'll be focusing on honing my writing skills on this story.

*prepares/hopes for an amazingly long critique of the prologue and chapter 1*
DF  Post #: 8
9/24/2008 19:18:05   
r0de0b0y
Member

So...you're hoping you made a mistake? No, a lot of you are already better than me, and besides, I'm on my Wii now. I can only get on my laptop on weekends, but I'll try to have one by then.

Btw, assuming the OCD washer and germaphobe are the same person, why does he wash signs? Is that part of his fear of germs, or just another OCD?
AQ DF  Post #: 9
9/25/2008 20:30:31   
Anon Y. Mous
Creative!


 It's just another OCD. He just feels compelled to do it.
DF  Post #: 10
9/27/2008 23:59:27   
r0de0b0y
Member

Will you forgive me, because I've been feeling...trashy lately. Slow, sluggish, and bored to depression. Oh, well, the show must go on.

quote:

and then react correctly, in a non-obssessive, rational way

Obsessive, you mean?

quote:

Jack again for the hundreth, thousandth, millionth time

Hundredth? It all sounds like a fraction to me...

Only spelling mistakes I can find, because you're better than you think. The following are just things I might've found...strange.

quote:

Many miniscule towns reside on Highway 52

Wow, I wish I could live on a highway. Wait, wouldn't they get run-ed over?

quote:

It had the cleanest street signs in all of the world

Maybe it sounds better without the 'of'?

quote:

or watching late-night comedians

Nothing wrong, I just laughed. Let's not bring Stephen Colbert into this

This is fascinating, really, but why aren't you writing more?

AQ DF  Post #: 11
9/28/2008 19:00:32   
Anon Y. Mous
Creative!


 I hope you feel better soon!
I'm kind of busy right now, but I'll get to the edits soon. EDIT: Done. Although I'm not sure what to do with the fractions thing.
Anyway, I haven't been writing more because I've been waiting for a reply from the Workshop before going forward. But, sadly, it looks like nobody's on there anymore.

< Message edited by Anon Y. Mous -- 9/29/2008 16:32:55 >
DF  Post #: 12
10/12/2008 6:57:52   
Crimzon5
Member

Prologue:

quote:

since he was homeschooled by some of the best.

home schooled is 2 words

Chapter 1:

quote:

Jack again for the hundredth, thousandth, millionth time.


Other than that, no error on my watch...

Remarkable grammer
AQ DF  Post #: 13
10/17/2008 13:21:06   
Anon Y. Mous
Creative!


 New poem up: Plip.
Hopefully I portrayed some deep symbolism.
Hopefully I get some posts.
DF  Post #: 14
11/17/2008 19:13:16   
Anon Y. Mous
Creative!


 I'm back for a little.
New poem here. Kind of a return to my (rotted-through) roots.

EDIT: Huh, there's almost exactly a month's difference between this post and my last post.

< Message edited by Anon Y. Mous -- 11/21/2008 17:02:17 >
DF  Post #: 15
11/18/2008 20:51:39   
Anon Y. Mous
Creative!


 New poem: Indecisive.
DF  Post #: 16
11/18/2008 21:55:23   
Anon Y. Mous
Creative!


 Man, I'm in the groove today!
New poems: The Week: A Collection of Seven Poems.
DF  Post #: 17
11/21/2008 17:01:39   
Anon Y. Mous
Creative!


 Some more up:
Here.

< Message edited by Anon Y. Mous -- 11/21/2008 17:02:35 >
DF  Post #: 18
11/22/2008 21:28:39   
r0de0b0y
Member

o.0

You haven't lost it. Seriously. You, my friend, have a gift. It's not too...flowery and overdescriptive, yet the seemingly random words you string together still holds meaning. That, and you have a way with words. Barack Obama like an injection of hope steroids? I'd gladly nominate you, although you might be overshadowed by the other geniuses with more works and experience under their belts. Oh well. If the '08 elections have taught us anything, it's that experience does not always mean victory...

Peace out.
AQ DF  Post #: 19
11/28/2008 17:41:07   
Anon Y. Mous
Creative!


 That was the greatest compliment I've ever received.
Except that one time when my mom told me "Good job."
She's a tough woman.

Anyhow, new poem up: Argument.
Check it out.
DF  Post #: 20
11/30/2008 16:58:33   
Anon Y. Mous
Creative!


 New poem: If.

Forgot to put it in the last post, but now I have 2 pages of poems!
DF  Post #: 21
12/1/2008 0:54:04   
Nex del Vida
Member

The segment of your thread's title "~'If'" interested me. I'm here to edit!

1. Evolution of Death: I like its repetitiveness. One comment: the word "bang" is a bit flow-breaking, I think. Perhaps "crack" would be better--more eloquent.

2. Nothing to say about Conform. Quite good.

3. Imagine. While well-meant, I'm sure, it is a bit preachy--kind of like something they'd say in one of those Idol Gives Back ads on American Idol. I dunno if that was your purpose.

4. Oh hey! Was it you who wrote the Ownagepwnage one? Ha ha ha! Wewt, I love that. I remember you. I didn't know you changed your name. :D Love this one. Hilarious.

5. Information Age is interesting. A suggestion--change "What is wood lice?" To "What are wood lice?" That's more grammatically correct. Then you'd also have to change "Oh. It's a crustacean." to "Oh. They're crustaceans."

6. Originality: nice.

7. Winter Snow: I like this. But I'd change "sky rockets" to "skyrockets" and "politics races" to "politicians race" or "politics race."

8. Peace: nice.http://forums2.battleon.com/f/post.asp?do=reply&messageID=14147506&toStyle=tm

9. Depression: Fantastic. Fast-paced, great flow, love the rhyming.

10. Birthdays: Meh. I don't like it much, but no real edits.

11. That is the Question: interesting--is it about how this guy wants to spice up his life, crash into something? Hm.

12. AHH HA HA HA HA HA! I was halfway through before realizing what this was about! This is genius! Hehehehehe. This is great. I'm not gonna edit, because it's so funny.

13. Happiness: this one is kind of Seussical. I like.

14. I think there is a metaphor in Layers, but I can't quite get to it. Well done.

15. I like Tribute. It's very... tributing.

16. clock /king is really weird. I don't know why you stylized it like that, but it works. Cool.

17. I like School/The Lesson. School has a nice rhyming scheme and flow, and The Lesson has great imagery.

18. I love Plip. Great flow--pun intended. Ha ha.

19. I like the parentheses of School Pool. Heh. Fun rhymes.

20. Indecisive: Hm... (I'm sorry, I had to.)

21. I like The Week a lot. 'Specially Tuesday, Thursday and Friday.

22. Oxygen: hm.

23. Eraser: ha ha ha.

24. Vacuum: heh.

25. "You're many uses" should be "your many uses." Heh. I like that one.

26. If is nice and... what's the word... I guess decisive is the best way to describe it.

All in all, very good. Well done.

_____________________________

42 72 69 6e 67 20 69 74 20 6f
6e 2c 20 46 61 6c 65 72 69 6e 2e
20 57 65 27 72 65 20 72 65 61 64
79 2e 20
AQ  Post #: 22
12/2/2008 19:02:27   
Anon Y. Mous
Creative!


 Thanks. I'll get to the edits and make a more complete reply soon. I'm kind of pressed for time right now, working on a big project.
DF  Post #: 23
12/12/2008 16:36:33   
Anon Y. Mous
Creative!


 Edits are done!
Just a couple of things:

Ahhhh, Birthdays. I new from the second I put it out that it wasn't very good. But I couldn't see a way of improving it without changing the complete format of the poem, and I didn't want to do that. And I thought I should have something up commemorating my birthday. So I just left it.
Oxygen, Eraser, and Vacuum were for school, cause we had to write a couple of personification poems.

New poem: F and A. I felt like it was time for some more crude humor.
DF  Post #: 24
12/14/2008 18:34:52   
Anon Y. Mous
Creative!


 New poem: Reduced Morality Souls: Less Healthy For You!

It's always fun to play around with Father Death.
DF  Post #: 25
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