Drarai Chronicles #1 ~ Prologue Up!


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8/29/2008 18:07:08

MiraG3
Member

Drarai Chronicles: #1

Prophecies linger in the crisp air of Drarai. Elves, dwarves, and mythical creatures are thrown into turmoil as certain members of each race are chosen to decide the fate of the land. All the while, an underlying evil is growing. Mistrust wracks the struggling companions as they strive to lift their race out on top.

If the companions come to arms, what will it mean for Drarai?
But if they find out the secrets hiding in plain sight, will it be too late?

Updates

- PROLOGUE UP!... FINALLY!
- Other Insights is a new thread up. In it I will... well, read the title. Will be worked on gradually.

Links

- Map of Drarai
- Glossary
- Other Insights

~WK~

Locked, deleted, and unlocked... as per request. ~MS

< Message edited by WyvernKnight -- 11/11/2008 0:36:26 >

Post #: 1

10/23/2008 23:26:16

MiraG3
Member

Thank you, Samak :)

My prologue has been revamped, and I'm working on finishing it.
Let's just hope I don't get sidetracked again :(

~WK~

Post #: 2

10/26/2008 12:53:20

r0de0b0y
Member

What did I miss? I think the new one was fine before, but it looks like we're all going to have to wait awhile.

Let me know when it's done and work at your own pace; no one is rushing you

Post #: 3

10/30/2008 0:33:19

MiraG3
Member

I posted the almost-ending just now.
If I get the chance, I'll finish it in the next two days.

The current post is a little scrapped together, so a critique would be nice, because I can't think of a way to put that part together right now.

~WK~

Post #: 4

11/6/2008 19:24:01

Argeus the Paladin
Member

What on Lore has happened to your old threads?

Anyway, I am in sort of a writing frenzy by now (20000 words in a week. W00T!) and I still am, so I wouldn't be able to help much as of now. Sorry for that.

Post #: 5

11/8/2008 15:36:31

MiraG3
Member

I disappeared for a while, and when I came back, I asked that they be deleted so that I could start again.
Haha, good to hear.

Prologue took longer that expected, will be done tomorrow.

~WK~

< Message edited by WyvernKnight -- 11/9/2008 2:51:41 >

Post #: 6

11/9/2008 12:56:48

MiraG3
Member

Prologue is finally up and ready for butchering. 4343 words :)
The Glossary is really long because of all of the new words and names and phrases and spells.

Other Insights will be edited gradually, giving you a better lookout on the creation of the story.

~WK~

< Message edited by WyvernKnight -- 11/9/2008 16:06:03 >

Post #: 7

11/9/2008 21:03:29

r0de0b0y
Member

Is this still the original aerial dragonfight, or am I thinking of another? Oh well, I missed the intro with the Dark Lord in his throne of doom. I liked that one better. That's quite a bit of text to be dealing with. Well, fetch me my wooden spoon of spell-checking. The show must go on.

quote:

each motion sending concussion-inducing walls of air spiralling down to the ground far below.

Only one "L", right?

quote:

An ambrosial fragrance wafted into Elrohir's slitted nose, and he took a deep breath

Ain't it just slit? I'm not sure how past-tense would work. Stupid spellcheck.

quote:

Elrohir opened his great maw, took a lungful of air, and let forth a long gout of blue-orange flame

Never seen this word before. My guess is correct as it is, lung full, or lungfull. IDK

quote:

The plain scenery around him did not particularily thrill the red dragon

Particularly? I've made that mistake hundreds of times...

quote:

"Amazing, aren't they?" she sweeped an arm with a flourish at the statues

Swept? Why must the english language be so...ugh

quote:

You have proven yourself powerful and witful in the Dragon Wars

I don't know about this...the correct form would be witty, but that doesn't sound right too...

All the spellchecks this outdated machine could dredge. I liked this prologue for it's...sorta mystic feel and introduction into the world, but I miss the gloom and forboding hate of the throne scene too. Hope you're working on that one. Looks like I can't keep up with you anymore, so I'm afraid to judge. One thing bugs me, though, is the introduction of so many unfamiliar terms in the prologue, though the glossary helps. Well, that's my two and 1/2 cents. Bye now.

Post #: 8

11/10/2008 0:13:15

MiraG3
Member

This is different. The Dark Lord I decided to introduce later, but don't worry, that scene is saved :)

1. My spellcheck said two...

2. I tried slit and my grammarcheck said slitted.

3. Once more, our spellchecks clash.

4. Argh, forgot that one. Thanks.

5. Forgot that too, thanks.

6. This one's iffy. I'll look into it.
EDIT: Checked it out at http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/witful

This glossary was frustrating because of all of the new terms. Names, pronunciations, and the definition of everyone's history. If I'd left it out, it would be easier on the mind, but you wouldn't get the feeling of knowing the Great Ones. As Elrohir experiences, he realises that this had moved very fast, and everything must be absorbed. You may need to read parts twice to understand the back-and-forth.

< Message edited by WyvernKnight -- 11/10/2008 0:19:19 >

Post #: 9

11/10/2008 0:29:16

Firefly
Lore-ian

Ooo, a dragon? Cool! I haven't read more than just the first few paragraphs, but I really enjoyed your descriptions of the dragon. I could really envision the scarlet scales glinting in the sunlight.... ect. It's really beautiful. My only suggestion so far (I'll be back to read more later, maybe even finish a scene/chapter, lol) is that you still used the verb "to be" (was, were, ect.) quite a few times. I dunno if this might be hard to avoid--I can't really think of suggestions/examples atm--but maybe changing the sentence structure around and describing /even more/ through actions is a good idea (you're using quite a few actions already, but more doesn't hurt). For the first, things like, instead of, "In the right side of the room was a sink" you can say "A sink stood at the right side of the room." For the second, instead of "Her eyes were blue like sapphires" it can be "Her blue eyes flashed in the midday sun like a pair of glistening sapphires."

Regarding spiralling/spiraling, it's US vs. UK (or, in this case, Canadian =P) spelling. In these times, the Canadian spelling favours doubling the "l's" when a verb is in -ing form. So it's correct as is, WK. RB's spellcheck is probably American.

_____________________________

AQ	Post #: 10

11/10/2008 12:55:40

MiraG3
Member

I had some trouble with sentence beginnings early on, using those verbs over and over. I'll try to correct it, but I can't promise anything. Using those words in my description is engrained in my style, unfortunately.
Thanks, FF.

...CANADIAN :)

EDIT: I used Ctrl + F to find all of the was' and changes about half of them. Now there is only about twenty-five of them.

~WK~

< Message edited by WyvernKnight -- 11/10/2008 13:23:59 >

Post #: 11

11/13/2008 20:20:05

Dragonbane Deathsword
Member

WyvernKnight! IM BACK! but... What happened to youre book?

Post #: 12

11/14/2008 9:33:40

MiraG3
Member

Welcome back!
Heh, I don't know if you could've called it a book, but I decided to restart... again.
I haven't had the time to do Chapter I, but I'll try and get it up by the 21st.

Post #: 13

11/20/2008 21:05:07

MiraG3
Member

Unfortunately, I sprained my ankle severely playing Volleyball.
My doctor said I have to see a physiotherapist, so I'm not home often.
Progress on Drarai has been halted for about a week while I recover.

~WK~

Post #: 14

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