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RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break.

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11/24/2008 23:08:42   
demolitiondragon
Constructively Friendly!


 Sorry for taking so long, matey.

Typical
quote:

Be along, on my merry way.

Lol. (^_^)b
quote:

You aren't a shepherd; I am not the sheep.

Perhaps "your sheep" would fit better, because its as if you're talking to someone?

Imagine
quote:

Ever pondered alternate solutions?

I think that's more grammatically correct...
quote:

instead of a verbal or physical abuse.

"abuse" is usually plural.
quote:

It's humorous to think that such a minuscule

quote:

decision can play a factor in who we are, and what

quote:

in the slightest, to the cry of someone with joy

quote:

we vanquished our hate with putting it away,

Perhaps "by" would be better?
quote:

and not displaying it and taking it out.

"or", maybe?

Different
quote:

you to backpedal into the life-style you're


Scars Of A Destiny
quote:

But, why must the good nature

No need for comma.
quote:

So, why do our dreams get shattered?

Could I suggest "So, why are our dreams shattered?"
quote:

that way, the human heart can take a bear a few more beatings.

"take a few" or "bear a few"?
quote:

The status, currently, it cannot beat another time, unless

I'm not sure what you're saying here.

Keep up the good work. =]
Post #: 51
12/6/2008 22:20:04   
SL
Member
 

 Money Over Morals

No, I didn't fall off of the face of the earth. I am just very busy. This one's been sitting in a notebook for quite sometime, but I adjusted it today. Hope you enjoy it. xP

AQ DF  Post #: 52
12/14/2008 23:29:48   
SL
Member
 

 If I Could Sing

Expect more to come. ^^
AQ DF  Post #: 53
12/17/2008 7:12:11   
demolitiondragon
Constructively Friendly!


 Didn't spot anything amiss in Money Over Morals.

If I Could Sing
quote:

all go unseen, due to simple emotions.

This line sounded a little clunky, imo. Not sure how it might be improved, either, sorry. =[
quote:

the bliss as I cross dot my I's and cross my t's

Is that correct, or did you just mean "dot"?
quote:

on even the somberest of days.

How about "on even the most sombre of days"?
quote:

Some might question why, and some would shrug it and approve.

This seems too lengthy compared to the other sentences(?). How about, "why; some would" ? Also, was the "it" intentional?

Still a nice one. =]
Post #: 54
12/25/2008 13:35:56   
SL
Member
 

 ...

One-liner - Short, yet sweet. To the point.
AQ DF  Post #: 55
1/10/2009 19:17:40   
SL
Member
 

 Give It Back

New one up. Whee. =D
AQ DF  Post #: 56
2/26/2009 0:28:52   
demolitiondragon
Constructively Friendly!


 XD Love the one-liner.


Give it Back
quote:

Oh, give it back,

Need comma?
quote:

Tougher for me, definitly,

Definitely.

Rather sorrowful... and so joyous anouncing it! =O =P
Post #: 57
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