Ultrapowerpie
Mail Moogle of AdventureQuest
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Chapter 26
In one of Aldrith’s darkest, coldest, bleakest underground dungeon laid a wooden round table surrounded by 5 chairs spaced equidistantly from each other. In on of these chairs lay Grim in full astral form, somehow leaning back in the chair with his feet on the table, whistling a random tune. After a few more measures of whistling, Grim put his feet down on the floor and sat up in the chair, sighing. “I told them to meet me here two hours ago… they better have a good excuse for not showing up…”
“Grim! Are you down here?! I got my hands full and I can’t cast my magic to light my way… you’d think they’d put SOME sort of lighting in this portion of the dungeons…” Reaver’s voice called out.
“Oh… whoops, forgot that only Necro has the Night Vision ability…” Grim said quickly, snapping his fingers and igniting a few lanterns in the cell he had set up the table.
“If Necro has the Night Vision ability, then why can all of us see well at night… and why can’t I see in pitch blackness?” Reaver asked, not yet in the light of the lanterns.
“Well, as a werewolf, you can see decently in the night, Loki’s people are used to the night so they have better vision at night then most, and Jenna benefits from Necro’s Night Vision via the Bond… what the hell happened?” Grim roared at the end of his phrase as he saw Reaver step into the light.
Reaver was partially hunched over as he half-escorted, half-dragged a drunk Loki into the light. Loki was muttering incoherently while flailing about like a fish out of water as Reaver threw his companion into one of the chairs near Grim and decided to seat himself on the other side of Grim while Loki slumped forward on the table, still muttering.
“Uhhh, he’s the reason why we’re late… you would not believe how hard it is to track him down…” Reaver sighed, scratching the back of his head.
“Of COURSE he’s hard to track, he’s the tracker in the party, as well as the one used for infiltration ops. If he was easy to find, then there wouldn’t be any point of having him aboard, now is there?” Grim replied. “Anyways, why the hell is he drunk, it’s not even noon yet!”
“Yes, but he’s drunk… never mind. Apparently he still thinks it’s midnight and he’s drowning out his sorrows after his failure…”
“Failure, what failure?”
“Ehhhhhhhh, well, he tried to visit some people who practice the oldest profession…” Reaver said uneasily, not quite sure how to word it.
“Nonsense, he couldn’t have visited other Reapers, we’re the only ones,” Grim stated, waving away the notion with his right hand.
“The oldest profession is Reaper?” asked a startled Reaver.
“Of course! The instant Tipa was made, the Goddesses got bored with taking care of it like the ditzes they are, and so they picked 7 humans from the population they had… like a 1000 humans when the world was first created… and made them Reapers, before anyone could even learn the other’s name,” Grim nodded sagely.
“Ok, fine, the second oldest profession…” Reaver said uneasily.
“Farmers?”
“Third oldest…”
“Hunters?”
“Fourth…”
“Bakers?”
“Ok, that’s not funny. You know what I’m talking about and you’re just making this more hard for me,” Reaver growled.
“Oh, no, I have no idea what you’re talking about. This reference to oldest professions is extremely odd and you should probably express it in a different manner,” Grim said tersely, now slightly annoyed.
“Well, there’s this house of ill repute across from the bar I found him…”
“Ohhhhhhhhhhh,” said Grim, then slowly his eyes widened in anger. “HE DID WHAT??!!!”
“Calm down, calm down, remember I said it was a failure. The mistress at the door took one look at him and slammed the door in his face, something about him being too drunk or something… anyways, then he moped back to the bar and kept ordering drinks through the night…”
“Ok, look, this is unacceptable. As Reapers, we’re role models to the public and we are held to a higher standard of behavior. I expect you all to remain sober at ALL times while on duty as a Reaper, AND I expect all Reapers to refrain themselves from any act of debauchery while on duty,” Grim reprimanded.
“Wait… on duty? I thought we were “on duty” 24/7 here…”
“According to the FCPA, maintaining the balance of a backwater world like Tipa is an extremely demanding job, so by FCPA union guidelines, I’m required to give y’all some vacation time in order to help compensate for the stress so y’all don’t explode mentally or something,” Grim sighed.
“When do we get this…”
“Not until you become full time Reapers, that’s for bloody sure, so don’t even mention this to the others,” Grim growled.
“But won’t things get hectic if we’re all off duty on one day or something?”
“Ehh, technically I’m always I’m duty, and usually vacation is given in shifts… Look, let’s worry about this later, we have stuff to discuss now… I can’t stand it any more!” Grim yelled.
Up to this point, Loki had just been muttering incoherently, but was now starting to moan loudly. This pushed Grim’s patience over the edge as he summoned his scythe and whacked Loki upside the head with the flat of the blade. This only caused Loki to moan even louder and annoy Grim even more.
“Reaver, reach into the party inventory and take out a bottle marked “Purifier” in the medical supplies, I’m teaching him a lesson the hard way,” he grinned evilly.
Reaver eyed Grim suspiciously, but used the Complicator to retrieve the bottle of Purifier from the hammerspace inventory and set it on the table. Grim removed the shot glass that was covering the bottle’s cork and set it down on the table beside the glass. He then uncorked the bottle and poured the clear liquid into the shot glass, making sure to fill it almost to the brim.
“How do you interact with stuff when you’re in astral form?”
“At first I couldn’t, but ever since Necro and Jenna figured out how solid objects can interact with astral stuff, I finally researched how astral objects can interact with solid objects. Anyways, this Purifier stuff is some of the best antidote around for nearly anything you ingest. Whether it’s disease, food poisoning, normal poisoning, hallucinogens, alcohol… this stuff can cure it. Next best thing to having the Reaper of Life,” Grim nodded.
“What’s the downside to this stuff?” Reaver asked.
“First, it’s extremely hard to make. In fact, only the Reapers know how to make this stuff, and it’s extremely difficult to make, like many rare things that have been entrusted to y’all more by necessity then by choice. Second, if you take too much of it or take it too often, it can really wreck havoc with your body. Finally… well, it’s easier to just show you…” he grinned. “Hold open his mouth while I give him a swig of this.”
Reaver did as he was ordered, trying to avoid Loki’s rancid breath as Grim dumped the entire shot down Loki’s throat. “Should you have dumped it that fast?” Reaver asked as he let go of Loki, who slumped forward again onto the table.
“Oh, it’s fine, though I’d stand back if I were you… like right now,” Grim advised.
Doing so, Reaver watched as the moaning from Loki grew louder and louder until he started screaming in pain. Both of his hands shot to his hands as if he had a massive headache and was trying to stop it.
“The Purifier works, but the process is quite painful, particularly for those who are drunk. After sobering him up, it then induces a massive hangover… this one seems to be in the form of a migraine. Then the detox comes in,” he grinned.
“GRIM!” yelled a very angry Loki. “I don’t know what the hell you did to me, but I’m going… oh no…” Loki quickly turned away from the table and began throwing up on the floor.
“What, it couldn’t just accelerate the liver’s cleansing process instead?” Reaver asked as Loki continued to upchuck.
“You don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, and you don’t question the ways of a miracle cure all. If you’re that disturbed by it, you can always burn up the puke. He should be done soon…”
“I’m surprised he didn’t drink himself into a stupor,” Reaver sighed.
“Oh, that’s because y’all are level 30 now thanks to Necro’s stint with the General, congrats by the way. Reapers are immune to status ailments… most of the time, and at level 30 your bodies are starting to develop some resistance to said ailments, and drunkenness is one of these ailments. This does NOT excuse you to get drunk however, isn’t that right Loki?”
“I hate you…” he muttered, wiping his mouth with his left arm.
“Out of curiosity Reaver, if you had so much trouble finding him, how do you know his story?”
“I asked the barkeeper at the bar I found him drunk in,” Reaver shrugged.
“And the reason it took you so long to find him is…”
“There are a LOT of taverns in this town,” Reaver sighed as the color in Loki’s face returned to normal.
“Bah, enough of this tomfoolery! We have scheming to commence… where the pie are Jenkins and Mog?”
“I thought you sent them to keep an eye on Jenna and Necro?”
“Yes, but I told them to be back here for the meeting…”
“Terribly sorry about that Grim, Mog here had a terrible urge for some nuts and led me on a wild goose chase all around Aldrith,” Jenkins sighed, stepping out of the shadows with the moogle floating behind him.
“At last we’re all here, it is now time to begin our meeting…”
“Hold on Grim, what exactly did you do with the Weaver after that fight? I couldn’t find it anywhere…” Reaver interjected, not letting Grim get his way until a few points were cleared up.
“I confiscated it,” Grim said briskly. “It’s clearly too powerful for y’all to use all the time…”
“That’s a load of cow pie and you know that Grim. You promised that we could use the Weaver whenever we wanted, and it’s a bad thing when the Reaper of Ultima goes back on his word,” Reaver retorted.
“Technically speaking it’s been confiscated as it is a hazard to the environment and will be returned to you once some adjustments are made,” he nodded, glaring at Reaver for interrupting him.
“A hazard? We’re using a combustion crystal! There’s no exhaust whatsoever as the smoke used from the explosion is being used to help pump a secondary turbine we have in the rear to help power other aspects of the vehicle…”
“While it doesn’t produce pollution that Necro is aware of, it DOES produce a different type of pollution known as magical pollution. That combustion crystal produces fire magic like crazy, and having all that fire magic in one area disrupts the balance of nature. So, I have replaced it with a much cleaner engine,” Grim nodded sagely.
“That is an even bigger load of cow pie then your last excuse… wait… what “cleaner engine” did you use?” Reaver asked warily.
Grim snapped his fingers, and a holographic image of the Weaver appeared. For all appearances, it looked like nothing had changed, until Grim zoomed in on the engine chassis and showed what was on the inside. Instead of the somewhat modified internal combustion engine, there was a hamster on a wheel.
“You replaced our engine with a hamster??!!!” exclaimed a flabbergasted Reaver.
“Isn’t it adorable? When you turn on the car, it lowers a little carrot outside the wheel to motivate the hamster!” Grim said affectionately.
“And what do we do when the hamster runs out of energy?”
“Consider it the car stalling on you for no reason whatsoever!”
“Grim, if I could, I would knock your skull off your body and send it into the nearest town…” Reaver growled.
“Allow me, if you will,” Jenkins suddenly stated, turning his cane into his shadow spear and knocking Grim’s skull off his body and through the nearby wall. “Master Necro informed me how to interact with astral projections, and I figured that if he were conscious, he would have wanted to do that,” Jenkins explained, returning the spear to a cane.
“By the way, how is he?” Loki asked, who had been trying to stifle his laughter throughout the conversation now that he had recovered.
“Ehhh, not so great. It appears that using both his and Jenna’s daemon form took more out of him then we initially estimated, tomorrow it’ll be 2 weeks since he was out cold. Jenna hasn’t left his bedside since she woke up the day afterward… “
“How’s she doing?” Reaver asked.
“Well, If you compare to her to how she normally looks, she looks awful , but not quite as bad as when Necro died. She hasn’t left that medical ward at all, just sits about staring at Necro, or paces about as a cat. She’s got hair all over the place, bags under her eyes… no signs of aging, but I may have seen some of her hair growing lighter…”
“I don’t get it, he’s not dead, but she’s acting like he was… is he really in that bad a state?” Reaver puzzled.
“It’s quite clear that separating the two like that is a very bad move for all parties involved,” Grim explained, his skull floating back onto his lifeless body. “Originally, I had planned to use that emergency fail-safe he seems to have devolved to our advantage, but he’s in a deep coma for nearly 2 weeks, and I mean REAL deep. He’s essentially a vegetable right now, no cognitive functions are going on at all… we’re lucky his body is still breathing on its own…”
“Why didn’t you tell us he was this bad earlier?” asked Loki.
“I didn’t want to worry y’all as you had to help me with establishing a government for this town since Necro forced the king to abdicate the throne. Since most people think I died with the rest of the old Reapers, it’s best if I don’t scare the living daylights out of everyone by making a grand reappearance. There’s nothing you can do right now, we’ve been feeding him intravenously, but all attempts at recovering his conscious have failed. Trust me, I’ve probed his mind SEVERAL times, and I can’t find any dang trace of it. I know he’s in there somewhere, but I just can’t find him. All we can do is wait…”
“Shouldn’t Jenna be in the same state as Necro due to the effects of the bond?” Loki inquired.
“She’s fighting it as best she can, but it’s part of the reason why she’s been behaving the way she has. Eventually, she’ll slip into a coma as well… this bond is becoming a dang nuisance then a help right now… we need them to become semi-independent of each other so they don’t drag each other down like this…”
“Won’t that just limit the benefits of the bond though?”
“Most likely, but right now the cons are outweighing the pros of leaving the bond in its current state. I need to have a team of functional Reapers that can work together or independently whenever needed, similar to a small commando squad if you will… problem is I don’t know how to go about that… this magic is beyond even my level … I don’t even think this bond is of this world…”
“What do you mean?” asked Reaver.
“Well, initially, I thought this bond was a result of the secondary initiation process, which Necro somehow triggered with that kiss with Jenna…”
“Care to explain exactly HOW this secondary initiation process works?”
“Primary initiation involves the use of the initiation spell which you all know by now. Secondary initiation negates the use of a spell and uses a sequence of DNA that’s been encoded to your normal genes when you were made a Reaper that can trigger the initiation process by physical contact. Problem is, the secondary method is extremely unstable, triggering at random times. There’s not a lot on this process in our archives…” Grim explained, his voice heaving with frustration at the entire issue.
“Kupo, it’s actually not that bad Grim!” Mog interjected
The entire party turned to stare at the oh so adorably chubby moogle who was lazily sitting on the table.
“I beg your pardon?” Grim said incredulously.
“While it’s true that his body is in a vegetable state, he should be full recovered by tomorrow!” the moogle kupoed cheerfully.
There was an awkward silence that lasted a few minutes until Grim finally found his voice again. “And you know this how?”
“I’m a moogle! I know random things, and one of my specialties is healing!”
“Yes, but you’re from another dimension…”
“So? I still know stuff about healing! Necro’s body essentially overloaded on Death Energy, so it decided to shut down almost everything to initiate a purge of all the energy inside his body,” the moogle explained, waddling over to Reaver and using his pom-pom to bring up the party inventory on Reaver’s Complicator to retrieve more kupo nuts to munch.
Grim was so astonished by this remarkably simple explanation that his entire body fell apart, one piece at a time.
“And how do you know this when Grim doesn’t? And how does a body shut down anyways?” asked a stunned and confused Reaver.
Mog had successfully obtained his kupo nuts, and was now in the center of the table munching them. “I just know stuff like this, as for Grim… he probably doesn’t know because the Reaper of Life hasn’t been initiated yet. I’m surprised he knows ANYTHING about healing since he was Reaper of Death…”
“Hey, the best way to defeat the enemy is to know them!” objected Grim’s skull, which had pulled itself together.
“Anyways, it would appear that you guys, as Reapers, have a built in auto-venting system in your bodies should you accumulate too much energy. As Grim has explained, handling more power then your bodies are capable of is an extremely bad thing, and Necro’s learning the hard way of what happens when that occurs. Fortunately, his body is actually quite healthy while his consciousness is deep in the bowels of his mind enjoying random dream sequences. By my calculations, he should be back to normal by tomorrow,” the moogle explained.
“Can we have you be our leader instead of Grim?” Reaver asked. “You obviously seem more competent then him, care about us more, and are just so fluffy.”
“NO YOU MAY NOT!” roared an angry Grim, who was now back together. “The nerve, trying to usurp my position to a furball…”
“You have to admit Grim, he certainly has this conversation under control better then you do, not to mention he seems to know more then…”
“It was ONE thing, and I can easily… you know what, forget it. If the moogle says he’s fine, then we’ll take his word for it. Can we PLEASE move on to shenanigans here?
“I say, how is the government coming along?” asked Jenkins, who had somehow managed to obtain a cup of tea that he was now somehow drinking.
“Ehhh, ok. We managed to evict the nobles from their homes and burned them down to prevent them from lording over other people with their obscene amounts of wealth. They obviously weren’t happy, but they really couldn’t do anything about it. The commoner’s were quite thrilled about it though. The Air Raiders were accepted into the city… reluctantly, we’re still trying to get over the centuries of racism and whatnot, but surprisingly there hasn’t been any major riots…” Loki reported.
“Major riots? Does that mean there were some minor ones?” asked Grim, who had abandoned trying to take control of the conversation.
“Ehh, riots isn’t a good word, they were scuffles at most… I managed to sort them out with relative ease… that and Reaver threatened to burn down the entire town if they couldn’t get along…” Loki added, rolling his eyes towards Reaver.
“Hey, it was one of the fastest methods of getting them to comply. Especially since I made good on my promise by burning down a nearby building… it’s amazing how flammable towns are when they’re built out of wood,” Reaver nodded sagely.
“Yeah, imagine that… wait, was anyone INSIDE the building?” Grim glared.
“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… probably not…”
Grim did a facepalm that nearly knocked his own skull off. “You idiot, we’re here to restore the good name of Reapers, not make the locals fear/hate us more then they already do! I swear I don’t know why the Spheres choose this lot… I know my predecessor choose me for this job cause he hated me, I just know it…” he muttered.
“Hey, that was uncalled for!” Reaver growled.
“How is the council itself doing?” Jenkins interjected.
“Not quite as good… we got the Chief serving as the Prime Minister, so he’s helping to keep things together, but finding decent representatives is hard… apparently Necro’s idea of government requires having a decent education, which isn’t a good thing considering that Aldrania is like most feudal societies in that the majority of commoners don’t know how to do much beyond sustaining themselves or doing a craft. The only ones who actually sort of know how to run a country are the nobles, who are the ones we want to keep AWAY from the council at all costs, and we’ve also had trouble with some of the military officers who surrendered trying to strong arm the council…”
Grim let out a heavy sigh as he rested his hands on the table. “I agree with Necro that monarchies are an extremely stupid idea. Yes, it is quite possible that certain leadership traits are passed along via genetics, but the son of a good leader is not necessarily a good leader himself. In fact, it’s been shown that those descendants are usually BAD leaders. However I don’t agree with him that a democracy is the best idea… bah, we haven’t even changed to a republic yet, we just moved from monarchy to oligarchy. True, it’s a well defined oligarchy that should represent the commoners better, but it’s no where near a democracy, and probably won’t be for several years… This place is going to need a constant eye on it to make sure they don’t go bad on us…”
“Out of curiosity Grim, what government would YOU want?” Jenkins asked, slightly bemused.
“Military Dictatorship. The people are used to authoritarian governments, and a military dictatorship is certainly better then a monarchy… most of the time. At least you got someone who’s somewhat competent at the helm who can keep you safe from intruders, if it does increase the risk of martial law… oh let’s face it, all forms of government suck in some aspect. I’ll get a protocol droid to keep an eye on them or something… can we PLEASE move on to the actual topic of this meeting?”
“Which is…”
“To advance the relationship of Jenna and Necro,” Grim said mischievously.
“Why didn’t you say so? I would have stopped asking questions right away if I knew that’s what type of shenanigans you had planned!” Reaver said excitedly, banging his fist on the table.
“Here here, finally we’re talking important stuff. Now, from what I’ve noticed, this relationship of theirs is quite close, but it’s more of a “twin sibling” type of close then a romantic close,” Loki nodded.
“Exactly! They are too engrained in these silly “rituals” that their societies have thrust upon them that they are using them as an excuse to get closer to each other. I mean, in moments of life or death situations, their true feelings come out, but when they’re normal, they act like friends, and the last thing we want those two is in the “friend” zone, because I’m sure all of us here know the perils of being stuck there, right?” Grim asked, and saw that everyone else’s heads nodded in agreement.
“So, to save their relationship and to also speed it up so that way we can get somewhere with it and actually have the eventual wedding before this story is over, I propose we set up… THEIR FIRST DATE!!!” Grim announced evilly, lightning flashing ominously behind him as he laughed evilly to the appropriately themed background music.
“Where did you get the lightning and music?” asked Reaver, mildly surprised.
“Never mind, here’s the plan…” Grim said, laying out a scroll he had cloaked in his hood that contained the blueprints for their scheme.
“Alright, easy now, he’s coming too, I don’t want him to go into complete shock on revival…” a deep, not quite fully bass voice said from the darkness. Necro could hear other people near him scuffling around as he started coming to his senses. He slowly opened his eyes, somewhat dreading what this mysterious voice had mentioned that might cause him to go into shock.
He couldn’t see much to his sides, quickly realizing he was in some sort of containment tube he had saw in sci-fi movies for storing live specimens, except that he was laying back at a 45 degree angle instead of straight up. Looking down at his arms and legs, he discovered the restraint straps were open. He tried moving his appendages, but they were quite stiff and were all numb and hard to control.
“Easy son, you’re coming out of cryogenic stasis, it’ll take a bit for your body to return to normal,” the same mystery voice assured him. For some reason, the voice sounded like a colonel that projected authority but was never harsh, and earned the respect of anyone who served under him.
As Necro looked forward, he could see why he thought the voice sounded the way it did. Standing in front of him was a man who looked startlingly similar to Necro, except that the man was about 30 years old and was wearing camouflage pants, dark green undershirt and a similarly camouflaged vest. After studying the man, Necro could see that the man’s hair was shorter than his, but nothing to the length of a crew cut, most likely reaching the borderline limits of hair length and style in the US military. The man’s build indicated that he was in peak physical condition and could take on 5 opponents in hand to hand combat without breaking a sweat.
The only other thing that Necro noticed on the man was his right hand and upper arm weren’t there, but replaced with cyborg implants. The cyborg arm ran right up to the elbow, where the rest of the arm and the join was flesh and bone and had a display screen on the top of it with a keyboard type interface. It looked quite used, but at the same time was in excellent condition none the less. Necro wondered if the man had other cyborg implants inside him, but before he could ponder it forward, he was startled by two people coming into view beside the man.
Standing beside the older man were two exact clones of Necro, at least he thought they were clones as they looked exactly like him, except they wore burnt orange jumpsuits. They just quietly stared at Necro, not moving whatsoever. Necro thought his jaw had stretched 2 inches when his jaw dropped.
“Now look what you two have done, he thinks that he’s in a cloning facility! I told you to hide… you know what, you two are excused now, I’ll handle it…” the man ordered.
The clone on Necro’s left turned to look at the man, who was slightly taller than the clone. “But sir, the Captain ordered…”
“Do I need to remind you that I can override ALL orders from ANYONE here? You’ve caused more damage than good, get out of here before I have y’all working the bowels,” the man grunted, shooing the two away with his robot hand.
“Please, forgive them, they’re simply curious about seeing you, in fact, everyone here would just love to stop doing their duties just to get a peak at you,” the man explained, shrugging his shoulders.
“The clones want a look at the original, right?” Necro asked sourly, not sure if he liked the man in front of him or not.
The man let out a hearty chuckle while he offered Necro his robot hand to help him out of the tube. “Nay lad, you got it wrong. They’re all you, or at least a part of you. You’re just the most prominent you there is, which is why the other yous want a peak at you,” he explained cryptically.
“… What?” asked a confused Necro, reluctantly taking the man’s hand. The man pulled back and nearly launched Necro out of the chair, but somehow Necro landed on two feet. After flexing his arms and knees a few times, he was satisfied that he was in control of his body again.
“Welcome to your brain!” the man said cheerfully.
Necro took a few seconds to brush the dust off his Reaper robes, then stared at the man. “You expect me to believe that there are little people who look exactly like me running around in my brain controlling me? Look, I know it’s been a while since I’ve had biology, but I’m not THAT ignorant on the subject,” Necro replied.
“I guess I need to clarify: welcome to the astral plane of your unconscious! The mind actually has several different “astral planes” so to speak, but there are 3 ones: the conscious, subconscious and unconscious. The subconscious plan is the place where dreams occur, so you’re most familiar with it. The conscious plane for you is that black void that really needs some decorations, while the unconscious plane is where little clones of you run around doing the automatic functions. Everyone’s unconscious plane actually looks like this… well, similar to it anyways,” the man explained.
“Ok… so if they represent the unconscious parts of me, what does that make… me?” Necro asked, now confused.
“Why, you are the consciousness! You are the main you of course! These guys are stage crew to you, the star! As you can guess, the consciousness and the unconscious are usually separate from each other, which explains why the body does so many things without you needing to tell it to. However, when you are here in the unconscious plane, you can give orders to anyone here, even the Captain,” the man explained, giving Necro a hearty slap on the back, nearly toppling him.
“Who’s the Captain?”
“As his name implies, he’s the dude in charge of the unconscious. Even in the brain you got to have SOMETHING at the top to make sure that everybody is doing their job. You’ll find him on the bridge, but I wouldn’t bug him quite yet, we’re still preparing the final rundown before reboot,” the man explained.
“So if you’re not the Captain, who are you? Why are you different from the rest of people here? Why…” Necro started, a million questions coming to his mind, but was stopped by the man.
“Oh how rude of me, I didn’t even introduce myself. I am Will, FCPA agent,” the man stated, offering Necro his right hand again to shake.
“Wait… FCPA? That organization that provides insurance for Tipa?” Necro asked, now even more confused, shaking the man’s hand gingerly.
“We do quite a bit more then provide insurance… oh, I see, Grim hasn’t given you The Talk yet, has he… He’s slipped so many times I figured he just gave in and tried telling y’all…” Will muttered, stroking his chin.
“Ok, just WHAT is this “Talk” that you and Grim keep talking about??! I know he’s holding information from us, but this sounds extremely important, and it’s REALLY annoying having information withheld, you know?” Necro asked impatiently, finally giving the room he was in a glance. Surprisingly, it looked like a medical ward aboard a starship, angled tubes lining the wall, beds with bizarre and exotic equipment attached to the sides, and random clones of Necro dressed in surgical garb running around to work on the patients that also looked like Necro. “And why is there a medical wing in my unconscious?”
“Hey, even parts of the brain gets sick, particularly when they’re overworked. Ever had your limbs randomly go to sleep? It’s not cause of blood circulation loss, it’s because the workers here in the brain have been temporarily moved here to get fixed up,” Will explained.
“Wow, then there must be something really wrong with me… all these beds are full…”
“What’s the last thing you remember? Don’t worry, you still have access to your memories even if they’re stored in another section of the unconscious.”
“Uhhh… I have vauge images of me being separated from Jenna… going berserk… I think I went daemonic again…”
Will let out another hearty laugh, which was both endearing and annoying to Necro.
“You did more than that lad, you actually attempted to absorb Jenna’s daemonic side as well so she wouldn’t transform… you really do care about her, I don’t see why you two haven’t gone out yet…”
Necro turned red, and suddenly noticed that he wasn’t half-tiger, but completely human. “Wait… I’m human… so are they… and you… and I did? Wow… I must have been powerful…”
Will let out a third laugh, this time so loud that the other doctors stopped to look curiously at Will, then returned to their work after he quickly glared at them. “Took you long enough to notice that, didn’t you? Let me explain: You know how Grim said that absorbing too much energy is bad for anyone, right? That’s what happened to you: by absorbing Jenna’s daemonic form, you essentially overloaded yourself with power. If you were at a higher level… like 100, you would have been able to fully capitalize all that power and obliterated your foe in one move. Instead, you defaulted to your more basic attacks that you’ve used routinely, dragging out the battle. This was a very bad move, because the longer you were in that form, the closer you were to exploding, quite literally. And if you exploded with all that death energy, you’d be on a one way ticket to the Afterlife, which as you know would set the Reapers back for a while…”
Necro held up a hand to stop Will as he processed this information, rubbing his temples as memories of the fight came rushing back. “I feel like I should be sick, but I can’t throw up…”
“Well duh, you’re just a consciousness, you’re not the entire body. Consider this an “out of body, inside the body” experience. You’re moving around is actually just a physical representation of you moving as an electrical impulse through the brain. Your breathing is just a habit you’ve developed, etc. I take it you now remember the fight? You can see that you were fighting rather sloppily for someone with extreme power, no?”
“Yeah…”
“Remember, power is no good if you can’t control it, one reason why Grim won’t let you use the Death Orb all the time. By the time you had finished your “negotiations” with the King, your body was reaching critical mass with the Death Energy, forcing the unconscious to activate an emergency purge routine. Essentially, your body shut down everything besides breathing to try to purge you of all the Death Energy inside you,” Will explained, leading Necro away from the sick bay and into a hallway that looked strangely like a starship’s hallway from Star Trek.
“So… I’m blacked out… and All functions? What about eating, and drinking, and…”
“Relax, your friends have been taking excellent care of you, and the purge process has gone on without a hitch,”
“So why was I… frozen?”
“Consider it a metaphorical representation of you being in a coma for 2 weeks…”
“I’ve been out for 2 weeks??!!”
“Relax, we’ll worry about the outside world later, there’s plenty to do here still. Anyways, part of the final rundown is to awaken the consciousness to prepare it for full control of the body again. I decided that this was an excellent time to visit you before your reality set in again,” Will shrugged.
Necro was then reminded that Will was not actually a part of him, but a foreign person.
“Out of curiosity, can anyone come down to this plane?”
“Oh heavens no! The unconscious astral plane is the most heavily guarded section of the brain, especially in a Reaper! In order for Grim to reach this level, he’d have to be directly in front of you, using an Ultima Orb to boost his power, which is why he never found you,”
“But you’re here…”
“Yes, so what does that tell you about me?” Will grinned, entering a room that had automatic sliding doors. When Necro entered after Will, he discovered that the room was actually a conference room, with a round table and comfy rolling chairs. Necro and Will took their seats at opposite ends of the tables to better talk to each other.
“That you’re incredibly powerful and could probably waste me with a snap of your fingers?” Necro asked nervously, and was responded by that hearty chuckle.
“Good call, but you don’t have to worry about that. Not only would that violate my charter, but I can’t just go to other worlds and unleash havoc whenever I please. I got my own regulations that restrict the amount of power I can use, just like you do. Except that your restrictions are enforced by Grim while mine are enforced thanks to this computer,” he explained, pointing at his robot arm.
“So… you’re a cyborg? And why am I a human now? And are you a human, or a god?”
“My race is human, and I am indeed a cyborg. However, I wield power that can match a Class… III god, possibly Class IV if I’m on a good day. Class V and above are nasty buggers that require a full team though. As for you, your body had to do a complete restart of everything once it shut down, and that included your half-tiger form. You reverted back to your original human form,” Will explained, randomly typing something onto his arm.
“So… that’s a computer, not just a prosthetic limb? And does this mean that I can transform into a human now when I want?”
“Oh yes, this arm is so much more than a prosthetic limb. It has a computer that’s nearly as advanced as a human brain with an AI to match. The AI and my brain have been integrated into each other in order to maximize each other’s capability, to the point that we need each other in order to function. I got wires running all through me while nanobots run rampant through my bloodstream. But enough about me, we’re still on you, no? Technically your body is still in its half tiger state, but your mental capacities are back in the full human state. When you assume control of your body, your consciousness and unconscious
“Huh? I thought that Bond was always active…”
“Well it is, but there are way to disrupt the bond, such as moving yourselves outside of the physical necessity radius, or isolating one’s consciousness, like now. Ever since you blacked out, Jenna’s effectively been going solo…”
“Is she ok? Will she live?” Necro asked, remember what Jenna had experienced when he had died.
“Don’t worry, she isn’t nearly as bad as when you died, but she’s still in bad shape. Your liaison department is currently working on reestablishing connections with her, but it most likely won’t happen until you assume control of your body,” Will shrugged.
“Then I need to do that now!,” Necro reasoned, getting up from his chair. To his surprise, an invisible force pushed him back into the chair.
“Please, let’s not be hasty. This is one of the few times I’ll have time to talk directly with you. I am a very busy agent and I’d prefer that Grim not know I’m visiting right now,” Will explained.
“Why? Doesn’t he know about you?”
“Well… kinda… in name. I’m actually one of the top agents of the FCPA, so anyone who knows anything about us usually respond to my visit with like “ZOMP, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??!!!!” and whatnot, and I really don’t need the extra drama. It’s much easier talking to someone who doesn’t know anything about me to be quite honest…” he sighed.
“Ok… so are you going to tell me what Grim hasn’t been telling us?” Necro asked, eyeing Necro suspiciously.
“I suppose so, since I’m here and you are a person who has many many questions that Grim couldn’t possibly begin to answer,” Will said, his arms spread wide.
“What, are you omnipotent?”
“Oh, heavens no! I told you I’m classified as a Class III god, not an omnicreator, which even then is quite limited in this…” Will began, then sighed. “Ok, I’m going to give you the talk, and explain everything about the FCPA. This will be a LOT of information, you ready for this?”
“I’ve been ready since I first came to Tipa,” Necro nodded eagerly.
“Ok… you are not real,” Will began, trying to ease Necro into this.
“What?” Necro asked, quite startled.
“See, you, me, this mind, Tipa, hell, this entire Omniverse… is fake, fictional. You are actually the main character in a story written by someone who lives in the “Real World”, and are being read by other people who live in the “Real World” right now…” Will said hesitantly, knowing what the outcome would be and began a mental countdown.
Right on cue, Necro fainted face forward onto the table in sequence with an entire blackout of the astral plane of the unconscious.
“I knew it! EVERY bloody time you tell a character that they’re fictional, their brain explodes in some sort of form. I do NOT need this kid out for another two weeks because of this…” Will sighed, turning on a flashlight that popped up from his robot arm. “Great, everything’s dead in here… I guess this calls as an “emergency situation” to use some power…” he grinned mischievously, snapping his fingers.
Lightening flew across the room, zapping Necro and every single portion of the room except for Will, bouncing it’s way down the hall and into the other portions of Necro’s brain. Necro, now comically burnt like many a cartoon character before him, struggled to stand up and back into the chair. “Was that really necessary?”
“Technically no, but if I’m going to have to use my powers, I might as well have fun with them,” Will grinned.
“You know, I’m beginning to think that anyone classified as a god is a jack ass…”
“YES! You have just learned a very valuable lesson my dear friend! Most gods ARE jerks, they LOVE to use their powers on the less fortunate! And that is one of the many reasons why the FCPA exists!” Will beamed.
“But you just abused…”
“Partially to prove a point, partially because I’m bored. Forgive me, but when you’ve lived as long as I have and seen the stuff I’ve seen, you tend to be a little crazy,” he explained.
“And how old are you?”
“Let’s just say that I’ve been a member of the FCPA since it’s founding, and leave it there, ok? Now, you over the shock of being a fictional character?”
“But, does this mean that every little action I do is controlled by this omnipotent author?” asked Necro meekly. “And does this mean that my life is even worth anything?”
“Of COURSE it’s worth something, otherwise you wouldn’t exist! Just because you’re fictional doesn’t mean you’re not real in some sort of aspect! You see, many a person believes that once the story ends, that’s it. Little do most people realize that when you create a world, it continues with or without the author’s consent,” Will explained.
“Huh?” Necro asked, more confused.
“Take the Harry Potter series for instance. J. K. Rowling introduced an alternate reality where magic existed, but only bothered to write 7 books about one particular boy growing up. She never bothered to right a continuation of just how Harry spent his adult life, leaving it up to the reader to determine how it goes, only leaving a small epilogue to help guide them. You with me so far?”
“Yes…”
“Now come the fanfics. Harry Potter is one of those international sellers, and as such many a child, teenager and even adult have created their own little “what if” scenarios of Harry’s life, if he has more adventures, etc. Most of these exist as amusing anecdotes, and go off to the Temporal Idea Omniverse, but there are many an idea that just has to get written down, and thanks to the internet, they can be easily accessed by others, and that spawns more fanfics… it’s an infinitely expanding omniverse we live in my friend,”
Necro’s brain was about to fry again when Will zapped him with another lightning bolt. “This is going to get complicated… when someone from the Real World creates an alternate reality in which something different happened then in the Real World and then forgets about it, that reality doesn’t go away. Instead, it’s sent into the Fictional Omniverse,” Will tried explaining.
“So every idea that people from the Real World have gets sent to this Omniverse?” Necro asked, completely staggered by this concept.
“Kinda… see, there’s actual multiple Omniverses, even if the concept is an oxymoron to say the least. There’s an omniverse for prose, the omniverse we’re in anyways, then there’s a Poetry Omniverse, then there’s the Temporary Idea Omniverse, where all ideas are stored until they either are written down somehow and transferred to the appropriate Omniverse… there’s the Dream Omniverse, where all of the Real World’s dreams are stored… meh, there’s multiple Omniverses out there, but by far the Fictional Omniverse is the most elaborate and confusing of them all…”
“Why do all these Omniverses exist?”
“They just do, it’s best not to ask questions, there are forces at work here beyond mortal comprehension,” Will nodded.
“Wait, there’s forces…”
“Hold it right there mister. We are NOT here to discuss Real World philosophy or religion. There is a special department within the FCPA that deals with works of fiction that deal with religious believes due to the… delicate nature of the situation, but we’re in a neutral territory here, don’t try bringing that stuff up,” Will warned.
“But what about…”
“I said NOT to bring it up. If you’re asking, the religious texts aren’t even put in the Fictional Omniverse, they’re put in their own Omniverse, along with several other scientific theories including evolution and quantum theory. Trust me, we’re not here to discuss stuff like that, the Fictional Omniverse was indeed set up to allow humanity to explore various topics, but that stuff is NOT one of them. I want to get that out of the way, there’s an entirely different Omniverse that deals with that stuff,” Will added.
“But there’s a larger being at work out there then humanity?”
“I’m not allowed to confirm or deny that, you are left to your own speculations. Please ask another question”
“What does FCPA stand for?”
“Fictional Character Protection Agency. We’re a part of a larger organization known as the IPO, Idea Protection Organization. Obviously, there’s several agencies out there, one to help make sure the Omniverses run smoothly and whatnot,” Will explained.
“Wait... ok, so there’s several Omniverses that contain all the ideas of mankind then? And your agency along with others helps make sure that they’re safe? From what?”
“You’re taking this rather well, though I’m sure many of the readers out there are going “what the pie is going on, I want to know about the shenanigans Grim has cooked up”. To those people I say that they will have to wait until this conversation is over,” Will said to no one in particular.
“What shenanigans… That reminds me, you never answered my question about authors…”
“That’s cause there’s so much to explain my young friend! Before I explain the role of the author, I must explain the role of the FCPA, and that is to protect the Fictional Omniverse from the FCDA.”
“Great, ANOTHER acronym, what does that stand for?”
“Fictional Character Destruction Agency,” Will said grimly.
Necro paused for a moment, taking that in. “So you’re the good guys and they’re the bad guys?”
“You must understand that the Fictional Omniverse is not bound by such preconceived notions of absolute good and evil. With so many different authors with their own beliefs, we have been forced to adopt the doctrine of relative good and evil. Now, in some worlds within the Omniverse there is indeed absolute good and evil, but if compared to standards across the entire Omniverse, you’ll find that the standards vary. So, labeling us as good and them as evil is a bit of a misnomer, but for simplicity purposes I suppose you can use them,” Will sighed, knowing this was tiring on all present.
“So then tell me more what you are, if not the good guys?”
“While there may be differing opinions in the fictional omniverse, there are some definitions that essentially all authors agree on, and we use those definitions to base our standards around. Specifically, the FCPA is in charge of assisting whoever is dubbed the “protagonists” while the FCDA is in charge of assisting the “antagonists”. Now, most of the time the protagonist is a “good guy”, but we’ve had our fair share of missions where we protect “evil” protagonists as well.”
“How come I’ve never heard of you guys in the games or stories or movies or TV shows or…”
“Ah, that’s because of our “insurance” policies that Grim mentioned to you. See, the literature or media that you read/watch/play are merely windows into another world, a small snapshot of what that world is like. Most of the time we don’t even intervene in these areas, though you will find us working behind the scenes in most video games,” Will explained.
“Really? How?”
“Who do you think gives monsters random bits of health, money, treasure, etc? Who puts ammo in places that you’d never expect to find them normally? Who makes sure that hammerspace is kept neat and tidy and other games’ equipment from other realms don’t mix with your items?” Will asked, giving Necro a smug look.
“So that’s y’all?”
“Yup, friends of the gamers. We’re the explanation when magic or science isn’t good enough for people. We’ve also been called Destiny, Fate, Fortune, Providence, etc.”
“You have?”
“Sure! We’re the dudes who make sure that the protagonists have JUST enough information to complete quests by making sure random villagers spew out just enough information to do them! We do a whole bunch of stuff that no one would ever expect us to do, so much that it’s mind boggling,” Will nodded.
“So what does the FCDA do?”
“Who do you think spawns the endless monsters/opponents/enemies to destroy you? Who makes sure that bosses have several forms just to annoy you? Who makes sure that there’s no bloody save point or health right before the final boss? That’s their job,” Will sighed.
“Wow… my entire life has just been changed…”
“It certainly has. If you’re curious, we’re far less active in literature and media, but if there’s some sort of divine providence or miracle that occurs that no one can explain, you can usually thank us,” Will stated.
“What about after the story ends?”
“That’s when things get interesting. See, typically one story is set on one world, so we can stick a bunch of worlds together in the same solar system while using minimum magic to fool them into thinking they’re in a solar system with planets of different sizes. However, the bigger sci-fi’s like Star Trek and Star Wars require an entire galaxy just to play in, and then you factor in how many fanfics there are of BOTH of them, there’s little wonder why we have to have an Omniverse just to hold everything. Anyways, once the story ends, life goes on the planet/galaxy/whatever as time progresses. The main characters of it die, they have descendants, etc. It’s just like the Real World, life goes on,” Will explained.
“Wow, that seems… interesting…”
“See, most authors just don’t grasp that concept, they just think their world ends. However, there are some authors that are fully aware that the universe they made actually continues, and capitalize on that idea. Take Brian Jacques, the writer of the Redwall series. He starts out by having the main character of the book, and then writes a sequel of what happens to them. But then, he goes back in time long before the main characters even existed to explain events in the first story and expand the universe. He then goes further to not only go a few generations past the original main character, but eventually just skips so many generations that the old characters aren’t even remembered any more, allowing for a whole new cast of characters and to show that while the characters and even the landscape changes, the entire world is quite alive and kicking,” Will explained, eager in explaining this part to Necro.
“So what exactly IS the author’s role in this Fictional Omniverse? From what you’re saying, it sounds like we’re actually alive… but we’re fake…”
“To them, we are fake. However, if the author puts enough energy, dedication and heart into his characters, he can literally make them come alive, which is why your author is letting you know you’re fictional. This adds a whole new perspective to everything that’s happened so far! It’s true that some authors can be complete control addicts and will precisely calculate what will happens and then execute it on the spot. However some authors, like this one, are much more liquid with how their characters interact. Why, this chapter was originally intended to have shenanigans in it, but because of a random burst of inspiration, The Talk was instead given, thus forcing a cliff hanger for the poor readers who are just dying to know what will happen,” Will nodded.
“What shenanigans?”
“You’ll find out, just because I’m giving you The Talk doesn’t mean I can divulge ALL the stuff that will happen to you. But anyways, your author just has a general mindset of what you guys will do, and comes up with the actual dialogue and actions on the fly, so it’s like you guys are partially in control. There’s also Grim who acts as the author’s muse, so there’s some say there,” Will explained.
“So THAT’S why it seems like everything has been happening to me!” Necro suddenly realized as the truth dawned on him. “Why I got Bonded with Jenna, the dying, the daemon form… and why the others seem like supporting characters… it’s because they ARE supporting characters!”
“Now hold on, don’t demean the others. They’re important too, but you are technically the main hero, just like Jenna is the main heroine. So yes, more stuff is going to happen to y’all then the others, but don’t count them out either. Supporting characters are just as important if not MORE so then the leads, remember that. And also don’t get big headed either, no one likes an arrogant prick.”
“Wait, so this author is the one who’s been causing this series of incidents on me?”
“Well, technically yes, but for roleplaying purposes it’s not very good to blame the author. We don’t want to break the 4th wall TOO much, not until everyone else has had The Talk. THEN you may break the 4th wall however much you want,” Will reminded him.
“4th wall? And my life is now a roleplay?”
“Well… uhhh… the 4th wall is the imaginary wall between the reader and the story, the TV screen if you will. When you break the 4th wall, you break character by interacting with the Real World or acknowledging it’s existence, like we are now,” Will sighed.
“This guy is still a jerk for making me go through all this. I mean, this Bond is EXTREMELY annoying… I mean yes I’m bonded to a beautiful, nice chick and all, but still… and then he KILLS me. He actually killed the main character!”
“That’s been done before you know… and you were revived…”
“Yes, but it was NOT fun being dead! In fact, it was completely boring! I just sat there floating as a little wispy white flame of a soul inside a box with absolutely nothing to do! And it’s all HIS fault! If I ever find a way out of…”
“Hold it there, you may have more free reign then other characters, but the moment you start badmouthing the author, the moment the author intervenes and drops an anvil on you. Do you REALLY want an anvil dropped on you?”
“No…”
“Then quit whining and man up. You got a long journey ahead of you and you’re going to have to stay in character quite a bit. It’s no fun if you break it ALL the time you know,” Will explained.
“Fine fine, I can go with that… so let’s talk me. What exactly IS this Bond from anyways?”
“Ah ah ah, can’t reveal that! All in due time my friend, all in due time…”
“Ok, then why is the FCPA actively involved in this world right now?”
“Good question. You see, the one rule the Fictional Omniverse abides by is the “Omniversal Law of Balance.” For every good thing that happens in one realm, a bad thing happens in another. That is why there are two Agencies per an Omniverse. We often fight over worlds after the story is over in order to gain territory. Some worlds join the FCPA’s area of protection under minimum coverage, which essentially covers FCDA invasions and any major god rampages. There are higher coverage, but Tipa is an unusual case because they asked for the full plan, which means we get to do “Divine Intervention”, like what I’m doing right now, without any messy red tape and whatnot.”
“How do you guys control gods anyways?”
“Gods get bored quite easily, and eventually someone’s going to go rouge and try to capture unaligned realms. To keep them in check, there is a coalition of all gods, both good an evil, known as the IC, or Immortal Council, that consists of the Creator Class deities of the worlds they have made. The IC has set up a bunch of rules that all gods are supposed to follow at all times, and the FCPA enforces those rules. Occasionally the FCDA enforces them as well, depending on which god it is that goes rouge. The IC itself is merely a political formality while the FCPA is the actual “law” if you will. The IC mostly spends its time throwing wild parties in various dimensions when there’s not a Fictional Emergency,” Will sighed.
“Has their been any?”
“A few, but I’m not going into those, the tales are quite lengthy”
“How many agents are there?”
“Millions to say the least. The organization chain is far to complex to explain in a brief conversation, and this one has stretched far too long for my liking, or the reader’s liking as well. If you’re curious, our main “base” is really a giant space station that looks onto the Omniverse at the very center. We travel around via spaceships that we copy designs from other realms,” Will nodded.
“What about copy right infringements?”
“Bah, no one really knows we exist anyways, and we modify the designs JUST enough to get away with those legalities. Besides, who’d sue a Fictional Organization?”
“Good point… but isn’t the Omniverse too big to travel by spaceship?”
“Well, we really use portals, but everyone knows it’s SO much cooler to travel around the galaxy in a spaceship then just pop onto a planet via a portal. When you reach our level of magitech, you tend to go for the coolness factor just to keep yourself amused,” Will nodded.
“This is a heck of a lot to take in…”
“Which is why I’m ending this conversation here and now before…”
*A lightning strike occurs right next to Will*
“WILL! What are you doing here?! I thought I told you not to make an entrance until AFTER Grim gave The Talk to EVERYONE! You have RUINED the chapter!!!!” an omnipotent bass voice yelled.
“Oh, so now you’re going to blame ME for this?”
“YES I AM! Thanks to you, the crazy shenanigans I planned for this chapter must be pushed to the next chapter, because everyone knows that no one will read an extremely long chapter! And we are now approaching that border as we speak to each other!”
“I suppose that I can’t really argue my way…”
“You are in MY realm sir, and you will adhere to MY rules. Return from whence you came!”
Will nodded, and waved briskly to Necro. “We’ll meet again” he promised, snapping his fingers and disappearing in a poof of smoke.
“YOU THERE!” the mysterious godly voice ordered.
“Who… who are you?” Necro asked meekly.
“I am the narrator and author of this story who happens to narrate for my own actions as well. Since you now know the truth, you must not tell ANYONE about this! Even Jenna! I will seal this information in the bowels of your mind so that she doesn’t find out prematurely, but if I catch you out of character before hand, you may find yourself in a more unpleasant situation, understood?”
“Yes… your omnipotence”
“MUHAHAHAHAHAHA! I like the sound of that… what are you still here for? Get yourself up to the bridge and report to the Captain! He will help you get to the conscious plane so you can control your body… GO!!!”
And with that, Necro scuttled off from the room like a bat out of hell, vastly confused and utterly terrified of his new role in life.
< Message edited by Ultrapowerpie -- 11/17/2009 11:47:15 >
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