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RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism

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11/17/2012 19:23:37   
Chaosweaver Amon
Friendly!


 Ooh post number 400, that's cool. Anyway, I love this story, I can't wait for the next chapter.
DF  Post #: 401
2/2/2013 19:06:48   
Mordred
Member

The latest segment has been posted! Now, with that, I should attend to what I should have been doing and read some of my fellow L&Lers works! I have... quite a bit to catch up on.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 402
2/2/2013 20:31:31   
Baron Dante
Member

Well, I finally got around to catching up, after forgetting more or less everything that happened prior. I dunno if it was just a hunch, considering what the newest chapter decided to involve.

There were a few types somewhere there, including "anial husbandry". Might wanna check that out. D:
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 403
2/2/2013 23:12:40   
Razen
Member

quote:

which did not flare out at the hips or bear flamboyant patters or colors


Patters should be patterns.

quote:

shining a brilliantly blinding light


There needs to be a comma between brilliantly and blinding, both are adjectives describing the light.

quote:

Gears and knobs could e seen in various places


...e should be be.

Well, Taiurula seems rather interesting in its...design. Although, are you going to explain how they came upon such an abundant supply of this dull metal? Also, Red Mage...seriously? Why.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 404
2/2/2013 23:19:05   
Mordred
Member

Brilliantly is an adverb describing blinding. :P

It's not like metal is a rare thing on most worlds. Especially one as industrial as Taiurula. As for the Red Mage... Yes. A wholehearted yes. If you feel that he feels out of place, he should feel less so once you learn about him. Warlic, a master of elemental magic, is known as the Blue Mage. Merrin, a master of alternative magics, is known as the Red Mage. The two are respected experts in their fields, and by all rights, are perfectly eligible to enter the ArchMage Order. Merrin, however, is far too busy probing into A Holes and B Holes to have the time to study for it, though. He also has way more fun messing around with the average adventurer.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 405
2/2/2013 23:22:08   
Razen
Member

Confound you, English grammar! >_>;

Well, no, it's not, but for so much of ONE metal?

As for Red Mage, well, no, it was just...that he's Red Mage.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 406
2/3/2013 17:42:13   
Baron Dante
Member

On one hand, red Mage feels perfectly out of place, but then you realize it's so hilariously illogical it actually sorta makes sense.

Besides, if you look at all the thinks, say, Warlic has done in AQ recently, such as the whole Ghin vs. Awethur disaster... Red Mage does seem to be notably well fitting on the larger scale.

(Though, Merrin is busy probing the A Holes and B Holes? Aren't they the exact same thing?)
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 407
2/3/2013 18:41:59   
Mordred
Member

@Dante: Yes, but I added in the B Holes so that nobody who's unfamiliar with 8-Bit can mistake what I'm saying. :P
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 408
2/4/2013 17:52:49   
Baron Dante
Member

Fair enough, though it's still... wrong. What hapened to you Mord you used to be so canon. D:

...I wonder if we'll see Deborah anytime soon? *the horror*
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 409
2/6/2013 21:01:24   
Glais
Member

quote:

but instead full of youth and inexperience. Unlike the other men within the crowd, his hair was messy and unkempt, falling out from under his top hat with wild abandon and trailing down until it obscured part of his collar.

All I could think of at this description :P
quote:

“The answer’s simple, really,” the man replied matter-of-factly. “Animal husbandry!”

Reaction warranted.

Anyhow, pretty good setup chapter. This planet should be a bit more fun than the last in my opinion. More interesting setting.
DF MQ  Post #: 410
4/5/2013 9:08:15   
Mordred
Member

New segment posted. :D Weird discussion between Tumultu and one of Doctor When's incarnations.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 411
4/14/2013 23:22:49   
Glais
Member

quote:

“Beg<>pardon?” the Eludinari questioned, raising an eyebrow with a bemused expression.

Shouldn't there be a "your" here?
quote:

What Mother is to Webb, Chaos is to thee, When.”

Interesting

All in all a great chapter. The dialogue, especially in the early bits was handled pretty well and we got some much needed insight into Tumultu's overall goals as well as some other stuff relating to your setting.
DF MQ  Post #: 412
8/11/2013 1:35:34   
Razen
Member

quote:

Why, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re feats are almost, oh, god-like.”


You're should definitely be your.

quote:

“Oh, just the fact that you’re building up for a god-war the likes of which never seen in this universe.”


I think that this would sound much better if it ended like, "the likes of which have never been seen in this universe.”

quote:

“I really can’t let you go one like this, Tumultu,”


One should be on.

My feelings towards this is that it was a nice break from everything else that was going on.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 413
1/18/2014 13:21:24   
Chaosweaver Amon
Friendly!


 Well, I just read your story from start to finish and....wow. Brilliant stuff, truly. I can't wait for the next segment!
DF  Post #: 414
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