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Roaming the Web
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Nice! My story is up. It seems substandard in comparison to the other stories. I guess that's only natural considering that I spent significantly less time on it than other people spent on their projects.
Continuing my reading through the book.
Doll House by Red Blizzard: Dolls and horror was one thing I never quite understood, but the inclusion of mannequins made the premise much more exciting. I loved the format, the differing perspectives offered before the main story took place. Also, I liked the fact that the dolls weren't actually the catalysts for the disaster, but the means by which it was carried out (the desire for a doll to take revenge on a human is, once again, incomprehensible to me, making the whole concept less scary). While I understand the value in leaving the motives behind the incident ambiguous, in this case, I would have liked to have seen a little bit more in that department. Was it envy? Was it the belief that humans are worthless? Was it fear of what humans possessed? With the motive left open ended, the violence becomes mindless (not the mindless violence where the villain states that there IS no motive, which is both scary and a completely different issue), which isn't quite as appealing to me as one with a generally defined motive (no details necessary, but a small hint would be nice). Overall, I really enjoyed it. The story would make an interesting adaptation into a short film project (like a 10 minute YouTube deal).
Entry 58 By Cow Face: Not to put down the other entries, but this is certainly the darkest piece I have read so far in the book. Not only does it deal with dark elements, its form of storytelling is inherently dark. After reading the first two paragraphs, I was afraid that it would be very similar to the story I wrote, since both deal with elements of rejection from society. As I read on, however, the differences became apparent (I breathed a sigh of relief that my story wouldn't feel ripped off of Cow's) as this one was much more cerebral and analytical as well as cynical and condemning. It certainly made me reflect upon the notion that I was part of an assimilating collective that excludes those who are different, which means the story achieved its intent. As an aside, I don't hold this view of the world; I tend to focus on two or more conflicting forces within society. There cannot be an standard for assimilation if the collective cannot agree. Personal social commentary aside, I thoroughly enjoyed this read.
Roomies by monstermike9000: I'm glad to see that you took L&L's advice to heart and wrote a story for the Books Project. Your mechanics are quite good. I enjoyed your description of setting, and while your syntax was a bit awkward at times (especially with the use of the past perfect), the narrative flowed nicely. The problem with this story is...well, it's difficult to say without spoilers.
spoiler:
The ending was very, VERY anticlimactic. There was no confrontation, no danger, only a strange occurrence for which there are multiple explanations of varying degrees of scariness and practicality. The one I believe you were going for is the fact that the roommate was a ghost, but if that's the case, so what? She seemed to mean no harm, and her presence was of little to no consequence. Other interpretations include that Todd is mentally unstable, dreamt the whole thing, or the woman just randomly came in from the outside. In any case, none of the tension that was built (which primarily revolved around Annie not being there or the possibility of a burglar) is resolved by any of these realizations.
All in all, I like your style of writing, but the story itself could use some reworking.
Alone in the Dark By Torn: This is another piece I found difficult to evaluate. Largely I felt left in the dark (ha ha, bad pun). There were several characters I couldn't keep track of, I didn't realize that they were Dracomancers (or at least some of them were) until about halfway through. The whole laboratory experiments deal went completely over my head, and I had no idea what happened at the end. I felt like I needed to know more about the universe of the story in order to understand it, rather than attempt to piece together fragments of it and still feel like there are pieces missing. Sorry, but just didn't understand what was going on pretty much the entire time.
The Darkness Within by Alexmacf: Simplicity is sometimes the best policy, and Alex, you proved that with this story. Even with such basic and simple exposition of the situation, one cannot help but sympathize with Jonathon. The story's impact comes from the fact that it addresses something very few people acknowledge, yet in society, it is very real. The somewhat extreme ending is always one that could be criticized, but this time I believe it fits. One small (spoilerific) syntax issue.
spoiler:
All three children, Annie, Patrick, and Charline, were saved; however, Seeley drowned.
I think keeping with the pattern of first names (as everyone has the same last name), "Jonathon" should be used instead of "Seeley," but that's a nitpicky issue. Overall, the story was intriguing and thought provoking, a perfect fit for the book.
I'll read more later. Good job everyone!
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