Xplayer
Roaming the Web
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I know it's been a while since the book has been finished, but I think now is a good time to finish reviewing the stories. It'll get me warmed up for the next project so hopefully my entry will be somewhat memorable (or if I'm lucky, good).
Happy Happy Joy Joy by Balu: The rhyme was a bit rough at times but the story was cute and uplifting. It put a smile on my face. Remember for future poetry that punctuation dictates pauses, not line breaks. A comma means a quick pause ,and a period is a full stop. I noticed that the meter I think you intended at some points was inconsistent with what you wrote, but with poetry you never can tell, so I could just be nitpicking.
Ghost of Joy by Fleur Du Mal: It's works like these that remind me how far I need to go as a writer. The diction is simply excellent; it achieves its purpose without being complicated, but by choosing the right words for the right places. I love the use of italics to distinguish memory, the slant of the text always reminds me of the way our memories are imperfect in their formation. Your metaphors are superb. I loved the run on sentence (you know the one). It demonstrates Ellie's childish train of thought perfectly. On top of all these technical feats, the story was a tear jerker as well. The one missing element I felt was a little bit of reflection from the older Ellie about her memories of her father, perhaps trying to rationalize why he did what he did. That would have increased the emotional impact at the end in my opinion as the last line would have been a direct release of tension. The reader now has to imply these feelings of Ellie; her lack of self reflection could lead the reader to assume certain obvious emotions but lacks the potential for a more specific profile. I'm not saying that you should have said "Ellie felt really sad," but rather that she should have confronted the issue more directly, and that would have made the ending a bit more powerful. But that's how I'd have written the story, and your format makes for a much less Hallmarky structure. I tend to write a lot of analysis of works I like, and I enjoyed this one very much.
And the Angels Shall Sing by Eukara Vox: My question with this story is what was your inspiration? It was an almost shockingly real situation with nameless, faceless characters. And yet, I loved how the characters were developed. Some were developed through inner monologue, others through spoken word, and some simply through a glance of appearance. What I love about these book projects is seeing the dramatic differences in writing styles. While Fleur's story was very metaphorical, highly descriptive, and run with emotion, this work was subtle, structured, and intentionally simple with very little detail above what was absolutely necessary given. Detail seemed to have been very meticulously used in this story, almost as if you were an artist who wanted to put as little paint on the canvas as possible while achieving the effect of a detailed masterpiece. This highlights the importance of each detail and creates a story that is much more universal. Overall, I really liked the story; it was enlightening and thought provoking.
I'll finish the rest tomorrow.
Well, it's not the rest as I'm busy, but I wanted to read the intro to the next book so I'll read the epilogue for this one.
Epilogue: Joy in Companionship by Eukara Vox: First, typo notification.
quote:
Plucking the pen from th air, she signed the letter herself - Henah merewet, Eukara Vox.
This story brought nice closure to the book. Your speech was quite heartwarming. It was also nice to read more of the language of dragonflies (I expected something a bit more "buzzy" myself :P).
< Message edited by Xplayer -- 2/13/2011 18:53:10 >
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