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The Little Field - Prose - C&C - Chapter 10 – Raining Cats and Cats

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10/25/2011 18:31:18   
Mistermafio
Member

The story of a horse named Horse, who is quite content with his life, and doesn't wish for anything to change it. Then it changes.

Chapter 1 - Horse

Do let me know what you think :)

< Message edited by Mistermafio -- 11/15/2011 10:09:42 >
AQ  Post #: 1
10/25/2011 21:56:06   
Argeus the Paladin
Member

First question first: Is this supposed to be a satire, a children's story, a regular A/YA fantasy or a social commentary? From the opening you provided I get the feeling that it could go all four ways. Depending on what you want it to end up as I can offer my comments accordingly.
DF  Post #: 2
10/26/2011 4:07:50   
Mistermafio
Member

I consider this to be a straightforward fantasy story, but plan to keep it suitable for children as much as possible. At least, as far as subject matter is concerned. I dislike having to think too much about what kind of story it is though, so forgive me if there is a better term to describe this story and I just do not know it.

That being said, I hope to be able to have the second chapter up today, though today is a busy day, so might become tomorrow.
AQ  Post #: 3
10/26/2011 20:37:36   
Argeus the Paladin
Member

Ah, I see what you mean.

What I was wondering was essentially whether you were intending for Horse to be an allegory for anything in real life. Occupy Wall Street protesters? Ordinary people supporting the Lybian NTC or other North African insurgent movements? Ongoing Thailand flood victims? People bearing the brunt of the EU public debt crisis? If that were the case I would read this work in a different way. But since that's not the case, I must adopt a different way of reading.

Bear with me - I have the distinct tendency to read far too deeply into everything.
DF  Post #: 4
10/27/2011 8:46:22   
Mistermafio
Member

Well, I see what you mean, but I am afraid I am not nearly good enough a writer (or politically inclined enough) to make any such allegory work. Though, if you feel it helps you to read into it that way, feel free to :P.

Anyway, as promised, Chapter 2 – Goose
AQ  Post #: 5
10/27/2011 20:00:21   
Mistermafio
Member

Well, here is another chapter. Chapter 3 – Silence
though I fear it might not be right to call them chapters anymore, as I feel I could have just as well tacked this onto chapter 2. The main problem being that I generally write no more then one page a time when I sit down, as I do not have enough inspiration generally to last me much longer. This results in me naming what I've written a chapter and moving on.

I think the best course of action now would be to keep doing it like this, and later re-compiling what I've written in longer, but less, chapters. Does that seem reasonable to you, or is there something else you'd like me to do? (I ask you, dear reader :P)
AQ  Post #: 6
10/27/2011 20:53:25   
Argeus the Paladin
Member

Calling it now:

- The flies are an allegory for the internet trolls i.e. Encyclopedia Dramatica and certain parts of Something Awful.
- The horse and the goose are quirky but likeable internet personalities who has taken the wise way of ignoring the trolls.
- The whole story until this point is an advisory story about the best way to avoid being named on ED and other places mocking internet drama queens.

M I DOIN' DIS RITE?

Seriously though, well done MM. Extremely well-written to the point of near-flawlessness. What you'd do about chapters though, I think it is entirely up to you. There is a particular charm with the way you are carrying things out at the moment, but the short chapters might put off people looking for something... serious. If you catch my drift.

Once again, nice work, MM. I really enjoyed what you've written thus far.
DF  Post #: 7
10/28/2011 11:57:18   
Mistermafio
Member

Haha, well, it was not my intention to have the flies be trolls. But hey, so far it seems to work, right? :P

I am glad you do like the story so far, though. And I am very grateful for the compliment. I will look to some other sources of advise regarding my chapters, but until I find something that suits me better I'll stick to my current method of making chapters. After all, revisions are sure to be due by the end of this story at any rate.

I will try to have another chapter up within the next 24 hours. Which should work, provided I don't overdo it on my drinking this evening. xD
AQ  Post #: 8
10/28/2011 19:47:33   
Mistermafio
Member

Chapter 4 – Friendship

New chapter, the last chapter of introduction, I believe. Next time, things will start happening... Or so I say. Feel free to leave any comments on how I set the story up (location, characters, and style) now, so I can try to fix them before getting into the meat of things. :)
AQ  Post #: 9
10/29/2011 2:09:32   
Argeus the Paladin
Member

quote:

Chapter 4 – Friendship


quote:

Horse did not confront Goose with this information though- as Horse was, and had always been, a polite horse.


quote:

First of all, Horse was quite a lot smaller than the horses he grew up with.


Calling it now: Horse is actually alternate universe Fluttershy.

Seriously though, aside from the overabundance of fullstops that shouldn't be there in the fist paragraph, another marvelous chapter. I've kinda sorta expected Horse's small stature to be caused from the emergence of recessive genes from both parents, but I totally didn't see Goose's lack of flight coming.

My only qualm thus far is that this "introduction" could serve as a short story in and of itself, and while I am still eagerly awaiting the next part, it still appears to me that you can actually clock it at chapter 4 and still make a wonderful children's story. My advice is that if there is no need to stretch it out, don't. The story is perfect as is.
DF  Post #: 10
10/29/2011 7:28:00   
Mistermafio
Member

Well, I think I have fixed a few of the punctuation problems you already allured to. I blame them on writing this chapter at 4 in the morning, after just a few hours of sleep. Ah well, inspiration cannot be timed, they say.

I fear not to stretch the story out, as there are still things I want to tell using these characters and this setting. But I will heed your advice, and try not to overstretch the eventual story past what I feel to be right. I feel that, in an alternate universe where I think before I write, all that was written so far would constitute the first chapter or story in either a longer book or a series of linked short stories.

The plans I have, now, is for Horse and Goose to meet some new characters I have already stuck in mind. To maybe even have them go on a few adventures, for as far as a Horse and a Goose can have adventures, of course. And anyway, like you said: even if what I write next does not pan out at all, I could always just go back and improve / bundle the first four chapters and call that my story.

I will try to have at least one more chapter up this weekend. To keep on my quotum of one page a day.

< Message edited by mistermafio -- 10/29/2011 7:29:17 >
AQ  Post #: 11
10/30/2011 8:36:34   
Mistermafio
Member

Chapter 5 - Cats

There you go, chapter 5. The start of something a little longer hopefully. Let me know what you guys think. (Should I say you guys when Argeus seems to be the only one actually reading this? :P)
AQ  Post #: 12
10/31/2011 9:44:55   
Mistermafio
Member

Chapter 6 – Scheming

A small disclaimer: I do not dislike cats. I just think they make great villains, especially the evil ones. :P
AQ  Post #: 13
11/1/2011 21:45:48   
Mistermafio
Member

Chapter 7 – Liars

New day, new chapter. Enjoy.
AQ  Post #: 14
11/2/2011 20:02:22   
Mistermafio
Member

Chapter 8 – First impressions

Trying to keep up the chapter-a-day pace I've set is getting challenging. After only 8 chapters... I'm not the man with the iron will, that's for sure.
AQ  Post #: 15
11/7/2011 14:39:14   
Mistermafio
Member

Two chapters, to make up for the long absence... Well, not quite two chapters: a chapter and an Intermission.

Chapter 9 – Cruel world

Intermission – Felix

Now, not to sound ungrateful. But I'm getting the sneaking suspicion people have lost interest with the story. I wouldn't want that to happen, so if there is anything I could do to make things a little more interesting, I'd be very willing to give it a try. As long as you'd be willing to tell me. :P
AQ  Post #: 16
11/8/2011 11:20:02   
Mistermafio
Member

New intermission, a poem as written by Horse. Probably not good enough to even be remembered, and quite unnecessary to the story. But it sketches Horse's mood right now. I think. So I put it up for those willing to see.

Intermission two - Horse's lament
AQ  Post #: 17
11/15/2011 10:09:14   
Mistermafio
Member

Well, it took me a while. Blame school and sickness. But here you have it:

Chapter 10 – Raining Cats and Cats

Two more notes:
First- I had a name-change. As you can see, nothing very interesting, just capitalized my name. Which had been bugging me for quite some time already.

Second- For those interested in my writing but not in the mood to check here. I have a Tumblr on which I strive to post most of what I write. Content-wise it isn't that different from what's posted on here, though it might be a little less PG-13 from time to time. And sure, it also has a picture of me and my real name. So for those of you trying to stalk me: Go right ahead ;)

< Message edited by Mistermafio -- 11/15/2011 10:10:34 >
AQ  Post #: 18
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