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Alverlance~A Tale of Scribes Comments & Criticism

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10/23/2012 21:18:04   
Arthur
How We Roll Winner
Dec14


 Alverlance~A Tale of Scribes

Hey guys,

This story is a collaboration between me and Dwelling Dragonlord (who has gone inactive as of late).

This initial prologue is meant to give you a overview of the goings-on in this tale of ours.

Since Dwelling hasn't been coming on for a while, I don't know whether to take this forward or not, but, please enjoy the read.

P.S. If you check out the last post of our Workshop Thread , there is a map of the World as well. (Currently in for permissions regarding display)
Workshop Thread

Have Fun!

< Message edited by Arthur Dragonlord -- 10/23/2012 21:27:53 >
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 1
10/24/2012 4:11:10   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Likewise, let me do the honors of giving you two the first of feed backs.

I know it would be inevitable, but I'm glad DD finally decided to plan out a story in the eyes of a scribe. This kind of narrative is perhaps one of my favorites in part of having the narrator provide immersive descriptions and detail to the events happening to him, as would be to a story.

As for the story itself, I guess what happened at the latter half was a dream that happened whilst the young man was reading Alcoff's book?

Also, what are Danava and how are they different from Humans?

Other than that, it's a pretty nice start.

< Message edited by lordkaho -- 10/24/2012 4:58:36 >
DF MQ  Post #: 2
10/24/2012 4:27:23   
Arthur
How We Roll Winner
Dec14


 Thanks for reading and commenting, lordkaho.

Well, in this story, DD's character is a bounty hunter while my character is an adventuring scribe.

Danavas are "Demons", there's no other variant to them. However, in Alverlance, they are also home to a mineral called Promethenica that grows on their bodies readily. If you read the map in my last post in the Workshop, to the South you'll see rocks, big rocks, those are graveyards of dead Danavas with Promethenica growing like farms.

I just hope DD shows himself soon so he may post his side soon. Lest I'll have to start with my character.
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 3
10/24/2012 4:29:57   
Glais
Member

quote:

A trio of arrows whizzed towards the window and embedded themselves in the King’s breast even as a sharp, and excruciating pain shot down his higher back drawing from within him a cry of sorrow.

Didn't expect that. LK kinda covered my questions though, would be good to cover what a Danava is.
DF MQ  Post #: 4
10/24/2012 5:04:36   
lordkaho
Creative!
quote:

those are graveyards of dead Danavas with Promethenica growing like farms.


so, this Promethenica that is naturally produced by Danava, I guess are like raw Plebotnium (or say mac guffin minerals) which the humans are trying to exploit?

Also, at the 'Trecheary' bit, I'm kinda surprised there were no guards at the King's throne room. Not trying to be nit picky, but I think I'm just too accustomed to royal throne rooms lined with guards, some trumpeteers at the sides, maybe some jesters, and the ever present royal Adviser(s).

DF MQ  Post #: 5
10/24/2012 5:13:59   
Mortarion
Member

Kaho has a point, it's weird to have the room with the King so deserted, anyways I'll read this soon
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 6
10/24/2012 5:41:17   
Arthur
How We Roll Winner
Dec14


 @Kaho, in a manner of speaking, yes.

Also, 'tis the King's Personal Study and Guards stay out. And also, Kaime is the King's own page and messenger. There is absolutely no reason the Guards'll get in with him to watch.

Kaime seemed to have it planned out, very well planned out.

And so, the plot thickens...
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 7
10/24/2012 6:49:58   
lordkaho
Creative!


 That Kaime...

Any particular inspiration for his character?
DF MQ  Post #: 8
10/24/2012 7:02:59   
Arthur
How We Roll Winner
Dec14


 I was bored with men doing the assassination and treachery and wanted to bring some of that rare "Hope Found, Hope Lost" element.

So a perfectly innocent child seemed good. Killing someone with a stoic expression when you used to laugh and smile with them.

If you remember the episode from "Fate/Zero" where Caster made his first appearance, that child saw the light and was eaten up by a shadowy creature with tentacles. That had a deep impression on my mind.

And thus... Kaime.
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 9
10/24/2012 7:08:16   
lordkaho
Creative!


 But instead of being literally torn apart by the R'yleh Text, this one is a more symbolic interpretation of a child lost in the darkness?

Not bad. Not bad, Arthur.

DF MQ  Post #: 10
10/24/2012 7:17:04   
Arthur
How We Roll Winner
Dec14


 I doubt I can reproduce something like this further into the story.

But thanks to you, nevertheless. I try.

You guys should try a map for your story as well.

Goddamn you Dwelling, where art thou?
Tis your turn to roll.
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 11
10/26/2012 14:09:55   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 A short introduction for another main character.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 12
10/26/2012 17:06:02   
lordkaho
Creative!


 The way you described Alverlance was...Definitely striking, to say the least. Those Cliffoot nobles, reminds me the blood thirsty irish and scottish warlords who were known to mix the blood of their enemies with the mortar used to erect their castles. Alverlance it seems, is not well. This land's dark history is already shaping up the story rather nicely.
DF MQ  Post #: 13
10/27/2012 2:40:54   
Arthur
How We Roll Winner
Dec14


 @Kaho, well, for one, it is a City in Mist.

@Dwelling, mate, do me a favour, next time, PM me your chapter and I'll post it with Bolds, Italics, highlights and stuff.
Just kidding, please don't take it to heart.

God, I am itching to start the real story.
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 14
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