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Critique wanted, A Guardians Grudge

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12/31/2015 11:53:08   
Wyverntamer
Member

My story, 'the story of a little boy' is what I want critiqued, right now, all I have is the prologue.

Prologue

Chapter 1

I would also love some name ideas.


< Message edited by Wyverntamer -- 1/12/2016 4:56:15 >
DF  Post #: 1
1/3/2016 8:32:24   
shadow man 2000
Member
 

 I have read the prologue, but isn't it a little bit strange that if Artix thinks that he is seeing that the little boy is a normal human, shouldn't he be thinking the same about one of the parents? because the little boy is a half vampire and half human, so one of the parents should be human to, right?
Maybe that can be solved by saying the human parent jumped in front of the vampire parent/one of the vampire children when Artix tried to kill them.
That might add some dramatic/emotional feelings in the story.
Post #: 2
1/6/2016 15:40:16   
Wyverntamer
Member

That is actually something I want to adress in a later story, but for now, accept that first the boy was born and then an accident happened which turned his remaining parent and his siblings into vampires.
DF  Post #: 3
1/12/2016 5:07:51   
Wyverntamer
Member

I added a new chapter and have decided on a name, A Guardian's Grudge.
DF  Post #: 4
9/9/2016 11:28:54   
Wyverntamer
Member

Sorry about there not being any new messages for those who read this, I was burned out on writing stuff.
DF  Post #: 5
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