RE: An Seanfháinne — The Auld Circle


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6/16/2009 23:09:40

Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L

@BrantePyrus - Thank you very, very much. It means much, in a measure. :)

@GG - Aye, perhaps I can rhyme... but there's always room for improvement. And there's a lot to improve here. XD I'm immensely glad that you love Gaelic and Ireland in its entirety. I too much desire to visit the Emerald Isle (soon!). And yes, the horses are quite popular there, I hear.

I'm glad you like If We Must. I was actually in a rush when I wrote it and really had to apply mental force to conjure it into existence.

Yeah, I think Sixteen Perspective Counter could indeed be worked upon, but I don't think I will do so. It's one of those keystones of my poetry progress through the years. The very poem was made a hefty amount of months ago for a the class project... and it... yeah. But yes, it is heavily implied towards Abraham Lincoln. If you wish for me to explain it, then I shall at your inquiry.

@Helix - Hehe... yeah, the dark poem is coming, em, sooner or later. Hehe....
Your post made me smile, Helix. Yes, I do love Ireland. Beyond words. :)

@Cow Face - There you go, my good sir! You have hit the issue right on the nail. After looking back on my poems, I am absolutely horrified that I dared to post them when they indeed utterly lacked the flow I first thought them to have. It's rather blatant now. Very shameful on my part.
And yes, I equally realize the vague subjects at times. I don't know why I do that... well, I do, but... you know....[/vague]. Hehehe.

Thank you, Cow Face. It really makes me gladdened when I get constructive comments like this. I'm just going to have to take your word on the positive aspects you've "seemed" to discover (:D).
I'm curious to know which version of The Auld Triangle you've listened to....

< Message edited by Master Samak -- 9/28/2009 17:59:07 >

Post #: 26

6/16/2009 23:15:25

Helixi
Member

Reading my post again, I'm surprised you could make sense of it. Anyway, onwards. My family comes from Ireland!

?

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 10:42:00 >

Post #: 27

9/28/2009 17:48:22

Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L

@Helixi (and my apologies for not replying sooner)
Well... perhaps that's too strong a word for me. It may be that I'm not a bad poet, but I'm sure I'm not much of one. Anyway. ;)

I've now posted O Death.... Read it slowly, if you would.

There's a lovely story behind this—or at least behind how it was made. I've recently competed at an XC meet in Idaho; and as our team transported itself home, we stopped for lunch/dinner.
I stepped into a Jamba Juice and ordered myself a smoothie that had a nice range of berries in it. Well, apparently when I order a smoothie, I get a free Booster shot to go with it. And as I scanned the selection, I came across a Brain Booster (promising "increased mental function").
With my own mental "Ooooooh!!1!", I ordered it straight away and downed it within the half hour. And on the bus ride continuing on home, I felt the urge to sit down and write the above poem.

Curious, right? ....right? >.>

So, tell me what you think of this poem; what it makes you think of.

< Message edited by Master Samak -- 9/28/2009 17:58:18 >

Post #: 28

9/28/2009 18:46:40

Fleur Du Mal
Member

Hiyas!

Actually, I think the innate rhythm of your newest addition automatically made me read it slowly.

A beautiful poem in it's contended grief, imo. Calm and peaceful, made me think of a certain funeral procession.

Only little detail that bothered me and broke the flow was:

quote:

Long sought after by
words sacrificially bestowed.

The word 'sacrificially' made my tongue knot. Although opinions will surely vary on this one, I'd suggest editing that to something like 'in/with/as sacrifice' simply because it would feel a little less cumbersome to pronounce. Well, at least to my warped sense of flow. =P Just a suggestion.

DF	Post #: 29

9/29/2009 2:07:20

Helixi
Member

quote:

A walk on the passage

Through?

:O This was the only thing I could find that stuck out. T'is amaze, to put it simply.

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 10:42:35 >

Post #: 30

10/5/2009 21:12:24

Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!

Coming straight to you from the workshop on the wings of dragonflies...

quote:

A walk on the passage
of ethereal fate.
Avonian bards have bemoaned
the mistake.
Minds taken to dream
and repair unto dust.
While the tendrils of life
mist longingly to touch
their souls.

Beautiful, flowing words. Very well written, capturing the mind with detail and emotion.
Maybe it is me, but the last sentence seems disjointed. "While the tendrils of life/mist longingly to touch/their souls." between life and mist... is just seems a bit awkward. Unless you say longing instead of longingly.

quote:

Under the stars linger
remnants below;
Long sought after by
worlds sacrificially bestowed.
Forgotten in life,
yet remembered in words.
Passed unseen for an age
before hope had returned
to them.

This seems to me such a sad stanza. Lingering remnants bring to mind tattered lives, shattered dreams, underneath stars that could be the dreams of life before. And after the world has fallen apart, even those broken things are better than what had become. It continues, that although they are remembered in words, the living forget. So much of history and life are recorded, only to become dusty in libraries, rarely looked at again. But yet... in the end there is something there, but so much has to be endured before comfort comes.

This also happens to be my favorite stanza.

quote:

A people un-touched, only
to reach back towards me.
Too disturbed by what's done
to truly rest in their peace.
Not meant to go dwell
in this world or the next.
Their dead whispers enclosed
by barred ironed gates
and angels.

This stanza is full of longing and broken wishes. About helplessness and weakness. And also, of pain. This stanza is heart-wrenching. But it is the perfect way to close this poem.

I really have no structural or mechanic-based critique. Helixi has a point above, but I can see the line go both ways. I think this is one of those personal preference things.

Overall, this poem was well written, well expressed and really made me think, feel and analyse. I love poetry that moves me to think and feel, no matter the emotion.

Eukara <3

AQW

Epic

Post #: 31

10/11/2009 19:52:31

Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L

@fabula, Helixi, and Eukara

Aah, thank you so much for the comments and suggestions to the poem!!!! I really enjoyed having created it and I'm glad you all liked it. :D

*snuggles all three half to death*

:D!!!

Alright... this next poem I've posted is a slight downhill for me in progression; at least I think so. ;)

Higher than Kings or Queens is a sonnet—or it is supposed to be one.
My Literature and Composition class has begun learning of the sonnet, its structural form and differentiations. Our teacher assigned us with the task of creating a sonnet about something we love—for I believe this kind of poem is similar to that topic, praising something perhaps... anyway.
I had such a trying time attempting to center on a specified thing I love that I threw the book and wrote about something another would love. Perhaps you can guess what it is.

But regardless, the sonnet presents itself for your leisurely read. Do enjoy. :)

Post #: 32

1/21/2010 18:28:52

Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L

I now post two Haiku for viewing (I think there's no plural form....).

They are titled Disposition and Befouled, and follow a 5-7-5 and 6-8-6 syllable standard, in that order.

I was tasked to create these for a very small class assignment. They might be able to explain themselves, but who really knows?

Enjoy!

Post #: 33

7/22/2010 18:21:07

Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L

Well. It's been some time since I have posted a poem here, so I shall now.

This is titiled Maleifics, and it is longer in length than I've ususally written.

I wrote the words in a rush of emotion and realization, quickly doing so before they were lost to me again. Judge them as you wish, and comment what you feel should be commented upon. It is very likely that I will not touch the words from this poem again, but let them be as a point in time.

Do enjoy.

Post #: 34

9/10/2010 21:04:21

Master Samak
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Steward Leprechaun
L&L

This poem is titled Two beams of light in an empty city.

It is written for a very good friend of mine who I care greatly for. By some grace he is a brother to me and I wish I could return the favor many times over, for I feel helpless to his burdens.

Read and do enjoy.

Post #: 35

10/19/2013 3:40:21

Master Samak
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Steward Leprechaun
L&L

Here, I have cast an Untitled and Full Moon now.

Both were written in the midst of love. No, perhaps not love, but an emotion of desire or longing. In such mists, it is difficult to see what the heart calls it.

Enjoy.

Post #: 36

10/20/2013 2:25:19

cerebus141
Member

Hey mate, I remember many years ago when you first started putting the poems up here. Sorry for not commenting sooner! There isn't much that's more discouraging writing to an invisible audience.

I liked the last one especially. I'm a big fan on rhyming within lines, so when I saw

quote:

across from another hidden right
at the life-light's line, just in sight

I was impressed.
You used the same rhyme throughout the whole poem though, which I wasn't too happy with, but it didn't detract too much from the idea. I would just say to make sure that it doesn't become a distraction.

I look forward to reading more, and I hope you do keep posting! :)

Post #: 37

10/20/2013 13:50:09

Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L

Well, thank you very kindly, cerebus141!

Ah, you make a good point. I can see how the same rhyme scheme throughout the whole poem could make it halting, but in my defense it was all I could do at the time. I mean to say that I wrote the poem in the midst of action/emotion and so I had to force myself to use that structure in order to actually start and finish the poem.
It was kind of like I couldn't focus on anything but that one thing causing the emotion, so I had to write it down, again and again, over and over, ever the same, until I could find a place where it lets up and I could take control again and find a way to end it. Strange what the mind does to you, yeah?

But I will look into sections of different lines and rhymes in the future. And yes, the first poem/thing was more of a warm-up to writing poems again. :) Thank you again, cerebus!

Post #: 38

12/25/2013 4:01:33

Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L

With Google's Santa Tracker telling me that St. Nick is nearly to my house, and with it being now the first hour of Christmas day, I crafted A Comfort and Joy within the hour!

A needed verse to lift my morale and rouse my spirits and lead me to a happy day indeed. Enjoy, and Happy Frostval! ;)

Post #: 39

12/30/2013 17:23:30

Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L

I usually write my poems very quickly, but The Red Parrot took near a whole month to finish.

I started with just a spark of influence from one of Tolkien's LotR poems, then let it run its own way. I cannot apologize for the structuring, for it was the only way I knew how to journey and end the piece.

At the least, I tried to make it rhyme. :) Enjoy!

< Message edited by Master Samak -- 12/31/2013 1:35:23 >

Post #: 40

5/9/2014 2:16:59

Arthur
How We Roll Winner
Dec14

Wow...!! That's some really intense writing skill you have. May I ask you as to what was your inspiration?

Were you inspired by your daily observations of life or perhaps, something deeper in your mind?

I especially like the title of the thread, what does it mean?

AQW

Post #: 41

5/17/2014 23:00:31

Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L

Hi, Arthur! It is good to hear from you! How've you been?

Are you referring to A Box Of Black? (I forgot to link it here till now.) If you are, thank you for kind words! :)

My inspiration... well, when I wrote it I was in a deep despairing place in my mind. The inspiration wasn't by my daily observations of life exactly, but rather a specific concentration of life: forms that describe life's experiences.
I despaired the trials in correcting a particularly biased message, I lamented for great messages past, I denounced the new message, and then I searched for an answer to the wasteful trap.
So I made a poem trying to express the unfairness of asking the spirit of another to endure persuasion without a "why". I observed how a world can present wonderful things and then in the next time show a complete opposite and expect it to be experienced. Ah, and the title is a literal and abstract reference to the closed-in feeling and the fights with potential.

Was I clear at all? I don't know that I was, but I hope my explanation gives more clues to the poem. It is troubled writing, yes, but the poem was made at a snapshot in time, not at the finish of a journey and not knowing the future, so still having a little bit of hope in the end.

< Message edited by Master Samak -- 5/17/2014 23:06:49 >

Post #: 42

5/17/2014 23:37:26

Arthur
How We Roll Winner
Dec14

I've been good, thank you. I believe it was rather rude of me not to ask you about your well-being. Pardon me, I am a forumite way after your own time.

I was just checking out the thread and I've seen very few people keeping up their work and still posting them here on a monthly basis despite having started way back in 2009 or 2008.

I get your meaning and I believe it is the former of the two inspirations which is tougher to convert into poetry form than 'daily observations' are. The ability to pull it out from there is what makes you great, as in, specifically YOU.

And I perfectly understood what you meant as there is nothing so beautiful as watching a poet write in his most raw desires. Perhaps, even better than composure can bring out.

I am hooked onto this thread and will await your future works with much anticipation.

AQW

Post #: 43

5/18/2014 17:42:16

Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L

Well, cheers, Arthur. *removes his top hat and bows low* You speak with unmerited generosity.

I have been getting along well enough, thank you. No rest for the wicked, but I'm still going strong. Thank you again, and I do hope I'll be able post more poems soon!

Post #: 44

6/27/2014 14:57:20

Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L

Here's a new one!

The Present Spelt is a poem I crafted for a friend. Its intent was to support a gift bound to it, to offer well-wishes for my friend's current endeavor, and to act as a token of peace and goodwill, for our past histories together had been lengthy curious and strange. In all, though, the gift and poem was and is meant to ease the burdens and lift the spirit of my friend, and I hope it will.

Enjoy!

Post #: 45

1/26/2016 10:37:37

Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L

New poem.

A Morning Flight I wrote very early this morning and in great sorrow. Parting, even for a small amount of time, is such sorrow. Enjoy!

Post #: 46

8/28/2017 17:39:25

Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L

New poem. Missing and longing from afar. Further Than Near

I realize my poetry is often like Terry Goodkind's prophecies in the Sword of Truth series, to make sense only to the person it's intended for. Otherwise it's a matter of inside references and shielding riddles. Point is, sorry if my verses are strange! I hope it still evokes things in you. Enjoy!

Post #: 47

1/21/2019 22:38:45

Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L

I'm a strong lover of Tolkien, and I jotted this down one day.

I wondered after the events of the books. What poetry would elves write, what rare excerpts of that later time could be found and translated?

From graceful Elvish to rough Common Speech to our English—oh, what it must have sounded like back then! ;)

The Bruinen Lament

Post #: 48

2/28/2019 13:19:21

Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L

I challenged myself throw together some verse to describe a friend of mine in under an hour. He's a fine soul, a saint in this world.

Sir Henry

Post #: 49

11/29/2019 16:42:37

Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L

A creative challenge with iambic pentameter.

A Northern Knight

Post #: 50

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