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Maegwyn -> Issue 15 - Live from the U-Games: The Obstacle Course (Circe) (1/23/2008 14:14:31)
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Live from the U-Games: The Obstacle Course
By Circe
The afternoon session of the first day of the Undead Olympics starts with the leader of Team Zombie meeting the leader of Team Vampire at the center of the field to determine who goes first. While Rob and Safiria wait for the flipping of the moglin, we hear a quick recap from our commentators, Zorbak and Maya.
The rules of this event are fairly simple: best time through the course wins. Due to the controversy of last year's obstacle course - when one of the Doomwood werewolves accidentally dropped a spleen - this new course is far less complicated. They cut out the wheelbarrow race, which gives the Zombies back their distinct advantage. Rumor has it that the major reason they lost last year's U-games to the "interloper" Team Werewolf was due to one Team Zombie member's arm breaking off in the middle of the wheelbarrow race, so this updated obstacle course gives this underdog a fair chance of redeeming themselves.
The obstacle course consists of four sections. First, competitors must charge through the mall section, carrying brains and leaping over cardboard cut-outs of panicked and fleeing shoppers, as well as dodging large men with shotguns. Once they slide the brains through the slot in the door, they move on to the next obstacle. The pyramid is a race through three subsections, avoiding archaeologists and treasure hunters armed with crossbows and swords to reach the end, where they cut the head off a cardboard cut-out that looks remarkably like Brendan Fraser. Next, they will dart though a cemetery, avoiding crosses, fire, and grieving families while carrying a small doll to its tomb within a crypt at the end of the course, which can only be entered once they've sung all the lyrics to 'You Light Up My Life.' The fourth and final section of the obstacle course is based on agility, and calls competitors to maneuver through a dark forest until reaching the traffic cones of doom, which will need to be gathered, stacked, and placed in crates before the finish line can be crossed. This event has been carried over from last year, as it gave everyone the most trouble.
The moglin is flipped and Team Vampire will lead off. Safiria directs her minions to the starting line before reclining back on her lounge chair to watch - apparently vampire queens don't like pointless physical activity. While a moglin brings her a Bloody Tiffani, the vampires begin the obstacle course. Heading into the first turn, we watch one get temporarily distracted by a young woman who wandered into the arena by 'accident.' Perhaps a ploy by the Zombies? It fails, however, as the Vampire gathers her up and drags his meal on the go along on the course. Fast food indeed! At the close of this event, Team Zombie is penalized 30 seconds for failing to complete one aspect of the course, as their hunger for brains resulted in an inability to put any through the slot in the door. The Vampires complete the course with ease, and even after spending 19 entire minutes attempting to stack the traffic cones, they still finish 50 seconds ahead of their competition. The Vampires emerge victorious, which puts them in second place, behind Team Werewolf, who defeated Team Terror in the obstacle course earlier that morning.
Join us next time, when we'll watch the well-rested Mummies take on Team Terror in the next event of the games, called Autopsy.
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