RE: Poetic Alchemy-Comments III-NEW~You're a Gift (Full Version)

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garnetdragoness -> RE: Poetic Alchemy-Comments III-NEW~You're a Gift (1/26/2009 23:36:02)

thank you Firefly. you know you have been an immense help to me. i owe you much gratitude. oh my...the spotlight...still so stunned I actually got it I kinda spaced that part-lol. [sm=icon_eek.gif] 'scuse me whilst I run like rabbit to get busy on that! [:D]



p.s- I have been working on some new stuff just each of them are not quite ready for posting but I assure you I'm working on it. [;)]



pollme -> RE: Poetic Alchemy-Comments III-NEW~You're a Gift (1/30/2009 17:56:42)

Congrats!!! I'm glad you won! You truly deserved it!!!



garnetdragoness -> RE: Poetic Alchemy-Comments III-NEW~You're a Gift (1/31/2009 12:22:14)

thanks bunches Pollme. you know I totally appreciate your continued support. its just so nice to know that there are others out there who enjoy what I write besides me, myself and I-lol. [:D]



garnetdragoness -> RE: Poetic Alchemy-Comments III-NEW~You're a Gift (2/6/2009 15:41:58)

well, the spotlight is up. hope my selections were to everyone's liking. [sm=akriloth_front.gif]



Firefly -> RE: Poetic Alchemy-Comments III-NEW~You're a Gift (2/6/2009 16:10:23)

I think you did a good job in the selections. Tears of my Soul is a personal favourite of mine since that's the poem that got me interested in your works. Softly is cool because I loved seeing Alix all creeped out. =P The Vampire's Quest is very powerful and sad. Love of Rhyme is, by contrast, fun and optimistic as it gives a voice to poets everywhere. I, er, don't want to be a party pooper, but you forgot to capitalize an "I" in Awakening. =P

quote:

how long i have slept.

That's all I have to say. They were really good selections. ;)



garnetdragoness -> RE: Poetic Alchemy-Comments III-NEW~You're a Gift (2/6/2009 17:31:37)

aw crud, you ALWAYS catch my typos...lol. editing awaits!!!! wait...am i allowed to edit the spotlight post? eeeek!!!! [sm=icon_eek.gif]



Firefly -> RE: Poetic Alchemy-Comments III-NEW~You're a Gift (2/6/2009 21:48:17)

If you see an edit button on the post, I think you're allowed, lol. I did it with mine plenty of times and I don't believe I've been smacked for it yet. =P



garnetdragoness -> RE: Poetic Alchemy-Comments III-NEW~You're a Gift (2/8/2009 19:15:04)

all fixed. thanks again Firefly. have you ever considered employment in proofreading? i swear you would be awesome at it-lol. [;)]



Firefly -> RE: Poetic Alchemy-Comments III-NEW~You're a Gift (2/9/2009 17:34:00)

Haha, maybe for poetry, but for prose, I'm too darn slow. And I'll scare away the author with the length of the comments. Though, neither is going to happen since I'm too much of a meh poet myself to be considered for the position in the first place. =P



garnetdragoness -> RE: Poetic Alchemy-Comments III-NEW~You're a Gift (2/10/2009 21:16:04)

yeah but you do seem to catch almost everything I goof-lol. wrote a poem for crimzon5's collab thread but it isnt letting me post. if all else fails I will just have to put it in my thread.... hmmmmm [sm=icon_confused.gif]



garnetdragoness -> RE: Poetic Alchemy-Comments III-NEW~You're a Gift (2/14/2009 12:42:08)

well here is my latest and greatest-lol. the poem I did for Crimzon5's collab "Poems from the Heart". it is a friday the 13th/psycho/Valentine's Day/love story......hope you all enjoy....heee heeeeeee. it's a little evil.

To Die For



pollme -> RE: Poetic Alchemy-Comments III-NEW~You're a Gift (2/16/2009 1:59:13)

Lovely! You really have a way with words! Cant wait for another!



garnetdragoness -> RE: Poetic Alchemy-Comments III-NEW~You're a Gift (2/17/2009 6:25:44)

thank you pollme! never thought of such a scary story to be "lovely" hee hee but will take what I can get. hee hee. so glad you liked. hope to have more up soon!



garnetdragoness -> RE: Poetic Alchemy-Comments III-NEW~You're a Gift (4/6/2009 11:25:03)

wow....guess its been a while since I posted something new. gonna have to do something about that arent I? [sm=icon_confused.gif]



Crimzon5 -> RE: Poetic Alchemy-Comments III-NEW~You're a Gift (4/6/2009 20:17:37)

^Heh, I check your profile the other day. It's been months eversince you logged in. Good to see that you're still here.



Firefly -> RE: Poetic Alchemy-Comments III-NEW~You're a Gift (4/6/2009 20:24:42)

Yeah, you should. =P

I just realized I never got around to "To Die For" I keep thinking I'll read it, forget it, think about it, have no time, forget it, get depressed that you're not here, forget it... you get the point.

Sorry if the typo-check might be a bit inconvenient since Crimzon posted it for you, but I noticed a few things.

quote:

His only friend, a shapened machete.

"sharpened"?

quote:

He'd stand staring and unable to leave.

Hmm, how do I put this? Sounds like "unable to leave" is being used as an action while I think it's more of a description, y'know? I'd replace the "and" with a comma to highlight that.

quote:

Her watcher felt something inside him had died.

Hmm, I think the "had died" thing sounds a bit weird. I mean, it's right at that moment when the something dies, not before, right? Am I making sense? At least, from a flow perspective, a simple "die" fits better, imo.

quote:

Hurt and anger built and turned to rage.

Flow is a bit off and repetition of "and" I'd change the second "and" to a comma and change "turned" into "turning."

Creepy... and amazing. I love the, er, physically holding the heart for the final time thing. Unfortunately, I've read quite a few things (not necessarily poems) that delt with that recently so I wasn't quite as banged as I would've been. Still, it was an amazing ending. And an amazing poem. You've once again proven your mastery at the powerful ending.

I'm glad you're back. Don't leave again. =P



garnetdragoness -> RE: Poetic Alchemy-Comments III-NEW~You're a Gift (4/8/2009 0:11:30)

@Crimzon5: I may not have logged in but I come here a lot. my apologies for making you think I had left. [sm=flowers.gif]
@Firefly: Thanks for the edits. unfortunately, I cannot go in and fix 'em myself. since the poem is in Crimzon5's thread and Crimzon5 had to post the poem for me I will need Crimzon5 to fix it for me. I am only an AP and not an AA. I did notice the typo on "sharpened" but not until it was too late.....sigh. don't worry, I never left. just have been mega swamped lately. my brain has been on overload. [sm=silly.gif]



Crimzon5 -> RE: Poetic Alchemy-Comments III-NEW~You're a Gift (4/8/2009 5:59:50)

^Ya know... AP's can now post in the collab. Anyway... I'll edit it.



garnetdragoness -> RE: Poetic Alchemy-Comments III-NEW~You're a Gift (4/11/2009 12:55:43)

thanks bunches!! [sm=akriloth_front.gif]



garnetdragoness -> RE: Poetic Alchemy-Comments III-NEW~You're a Gift (5/16/2009 13:21:09)

New... Highway in the Sky for my dear sweet friend Fuzzy. I will remember you always riding happy and free [:(]



Firefly -> RE: Poetic Alchemy-Comments III-NEW~You're a Gift (5/16/2009 19:22:29)

quote:

His spirit climbs a magic ascent.

I think "magical" would flow better, but your call.

quote:

His love to ride the open road.

this sounds like he's literally sitting on a moving road. Perhaps you mean "ride on the open road"?

quote:

The freedom pure and true.

I think it makes more sense without the "the" and still flows, but your choice.

quote:

My heart is with my brother.

this line kinda broke the flow for me. I'd say "My heart is always with my brother"

Wow. This was very touching, Garnet. The imagery was beautiful. I like how you create such an atmosphere of sorrow, but still manage to install a tiny shard of beauty and hope. Thank you for sharing this with us.



garnetdragoness -> RE: Poetic Alchemy-Comments III-NEW~You're a Gift (5/17/2009 0:17:18)

thanks Firefly. edits will be done. was a tad shaky when writing this as this is something very close to my heart and happened quite recently. I am supposed to bring it to his memorial tomorrow so thanks for the suggestions on cleaning it up.



Firefly -> RE: Poetic Alchemy-Comments III-NEW~You're a Gift (5/17/2009 12:50:55)

I'm sorry for your loss, Garnet. I could really tell how real and close to you this poem was. I hope everything goes smoothly.



garnetdragoness -> RE: Poetic Alchemy-Comments III-NEW~You're a Gift (6/3/2009 20:48:21)

thanks Firefly. i appreciate your sympathy. [sm=puppy_dog_eyes.gif] big hugs.



garnetdragoness -> RE: Poetic Alchemy-Comments III-NEW~You're a Gift (7/22/2009 8:10:35)

New!!! A Dragon's Journey ok, ok....so its been a while...my deepest apologies. a multitude of recent events in my life have kept me from getting more posts in. hopefully I will have more for you all soon! [sm=akriloth_front.gif]



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