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Cow Face -> RE: Dragonfly Dreams Poetry ~ No One (1/20/2009 16:18:21)
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After fighting off many setbacks, I have finally managed to battle my way to a computer and enough time to write a comment on your excellent poetry. Though, as I warned Ana_Maria, it could possibly get rather "rambly" at times. This is a natural consequence of my mind. Bear with me. ;-)
I notice a great variety in your works. While most are in the style considered traditional by people of the U.S. and U.K., you also mix in French and Japanese styles, which makes it a more interesting read. In addition, you display a talent for all of your styles; all are well-structured and flow freely. On a side note, you showed me two styles I'd never seen before, the French style with the name that escapes me, and a serious limerick.
Another thing which struck me was your religious-themed poetry. In those works, you have accomplished something which I have rarely seen (and have yet to accomplish myself): you write religious poetry which is neither trite nor cliché. Too often, I have heard songs- though not on Legends and Lore, mind you- that, to quote a comedian, are "I woke up in the morning / Had a bowl of oatmeal / Christ is God... Christ is God..." Yours are absolutely nothing like those. Yours convey powerful, emotional messages while remaining original and very enjoyable. Again, I sincerely congratulate you on that.
As a final thought, one more thing that impressed me was your writings which were meant to be read along with another work. Since I read your poetry after saving it to my Flash drive and taking it to my home PC, without Internet, I was unable to hear the full effect. Nonetheless, they still retained the high quality of all of your works. You have proved yourself to indeed be a wroet. :o
Ah, I almost forgot! In fact, I finished saving this, then remembered. I noticed a few commas that while technically grammatically incorrect, could be meant to indicate a verbal pause. I shall add them in for consideration.
The Student
quote:
How I can acheive, what others can't conceive
While I watch my dream take flight.
Should be "achieve".
quote:
I do not want to see, the failure in me
And let all my dreams pass.
Could be "I do not want to see the failure in me".
Inheritance
quote:
Cutting down the life that give us reason
"Give" should be "gives".
Pursue
quote:
Time with Me will help to undo,
Hardship you feel while it is you I pursue."
The comma here could be omitted.
Zombie
quote:
As you look at your screen, can you not see,
Sleep must come, even in good company?
Comma here could be omitted, but it could stay, too.
quote:
Nodding his head, witholding his flame.
Witholding should be "withholding".
Anew
quote:
But you see, that I cannot do.
All I need, is for someone like you
Comma could be omitted.
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