RE: ~Live.Love.Laugh.~Comments (Full Version)

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demolitiondragon -> RE: ~Live.Love.Laugh.~Comments (7/30/2008 0:19:25)

With "How Long is Too Soon":
quote:

It's too late, it's too late.

?

*holds Clyde at arms' distance* Down, boy! =P




Clyde -> RE: ~Live.Love.Laugh.~Comments (7/30/2008 0:21:21)

@DD: Heh, thanks for catching that. >_< You need to get IRC and chat with the rest of the L&Lers. :P




Clyde -> RE: ~Live.Love.Laugh.~Comments (8/5/2008 4:46:00)


Make Them Breathe(Patience in Influence)

A new poem. Read it slowly, take the message. :)




Firefly -> RE: ~Live.Love.Laugh.~Comments (8/5/2008 11:31:59)

quote:

make it seem like your in trouble.

"you're"

quote:

how is this getting any better?

I'd change that to "how's" Flows better that way.

quote:

but why do think out loud?

Eh, doesn't flow too well and doesn't make the best of sense. Perhaps you meant "but why do you think out loud"?

I loved it, Clyde. The flow was especially awesome. I loved both the theme and the structure. Good stuff! ^_^ *pulls out fangirl uniform* (Hey, can't let Eukky and DD take my spot. =P)

EDIT: OMG, I claim a page! Claimed for Clyde's wonderful poetry. =P Page-claiming is not allowed. - Cow Face




Lux -> RE: ~Live.Love.Laugh.~Comments (8/8/2008 19:58:08)

Opacus' Critique of Poetry


quote:

Russian Roulette

You signed the papers,
and it was over from there.
Can you take the suspense?
I feel your poisonous stare.
Good, I see no problems with it.

It all looked so sweet,
but tasted oh so sour.
I can feel the poison flooding,
by the hour, by the hour.
Nothing wrong with this one either; it's good.

I can tell this was a plan,
a plan to weaken me.
From my knees,
you’re killing me.
Good use of syllables; nothing wrong.

Now we stand in this typical silence,
waiting for you to pull the trigger now.
Let's play a little bit of Russian Roulette,
with all the bullets now just to make it harder now.
You may think this is funny until I-
pull the trigger now, it ain't funny now.
A little too many "nows" for my preference, but it isn't necessarily out of place. Otherwise, good.

We used to be so strong,
but it's harder now, harder now.
We used to get along,
pull the trigger now, pull the trigger now.
Good, but after "along", I would replace the comma with a semi-colon because the next line is two sentences.

From the glamour to fame,
you let it all get to your head.
Now it's starting to rot,
and the old you is now dead.
I see nothing wrong. Excellent!


Excellent poem, Clyde. I may be new, but I know good poetry when I see it :).




Crimzon5 -> RE: Clyde Writes!?!?~Comments Thread (8/9/2008 21:12:19)

@ Reclaiming the name:

Rating: 8/10
Thoughts: Good story. You've described how harsh one can really be. However, you need to worko n your commas.

quote:

A royal carriage, carrying a valued treasure of the Cylindel Kingdom worth over a a hundred men’s weight in gold, was being transported to the border of Cylindel. Unfortunately, that same day was also when the Queen and her assistant were back from an diplomatic conference with other members of the United Countries.


quote:

In a blink of an eye, a band of thieves attack the Queen’s carriage first exploding it with powerful magic.


quote:

Against the flames, her assassin like figure stood broadly.


quote:

Hours later help finally arrived and broke the illusion trap and they took the Queen back to the palace. Hours after resting she awoke as if from a nightmare, screaming, “My baby!“ She tried to get herself through the medical guards, “They took my baby!”


quote:

Meanwhile back at the Thieves hideout Nijana stared at the baby endlessly as she holds at dagger to it. She contemplated killing it, thinking, “Why bother with this nonsense?” It was then she looked into his eyes and smiled, remembering exactly who they stole from. The Queen; meaning they now have a bargaining chip for a hostage. She drove the dagger next to the baby, showing a grin on her face as she said, “The life you were going to have is now at an end kid, now you’re in my
hands.”




r0de0b0y -> RE: Clyde Writes!?!?~Comments Thread (8/9/2008 22:33:29)

Ooo, so this is how an awesome poet writes? Flattery works not, no? Just kidding, but Primal Instinct does have this poetic ring at every beginning. Your spelling is immaculate, or so I think, but my spell-check says 'apperance' and 'adreniline' are wrong. Alternate spellings or no? Anyhow, I'm trying to finish the first 5 in one sitting. It reminds me of Jer's story, which is about animal peoples and has a guy named Dante.

quote:

two other stuffed animals or souls will fight and collide with eachother until one leaves the body or dies




Clyde -> RE: ~Live.Love.Laugh.~Comments (8/15/2008 2:40:11)

@Firefly: Thanks
@Opacus: The "now" is on purpose! But thanks. :)

New Poem: Untitled Random Poem: Part 1?

It's kind of like a free-write though in a way it's crazy random, but I love it. D:




Eukara Vox -> RE: ~Live.Love.Laugh.~Comments (8/15/2008 3:12:46)

Free writing randomness suits you. More please?




Mistermafio -> RE: ~Live.Love.Laugh.~Comments (8/15/2008 4:24:44)

Clyde, you're poetry is awesome as ever.
As Euky said, more free writing randomeness NAO!

:^P

Reading this really makes me think, we should do a poem together...
Interested?




Clyde -> RE: ~Live.Love.Laugh.~Comments (8/18/2008 2:26:43)

@Eukara: XD Thanks Eukky
@Mistermafio: Thanks MM and Sure, if you can handle it. :^P

Two Poem Update:
Untitled Random Poem: Part 2

Oh How We Forget

Enjoy. :)




demolitiondragon -> RE: ~Live.Love.Laugh.~Comments (8/18/2008 22:44:03)

Untitled Random Poem Part 2:
quote:

tell me you're alright

Typo or intended?
quote:

a breath of fresh air

Not 'breathe'. A 'breath'.

Oh How We Forget
quote:

And these memories are testing me

No need for comma.
quote:

and you can’t see what I see.

Again, no comma.
quote:

I’m accompanied by thousands when I’m all alone

Awesome line, that. ^_^
Awesome poem, too.




Clyde -> RE: ~Live.Love.Laugh.~Comments (8/21/2008 6:10:07)

Thanks again Demolition D. :p

Lyk Zomg another Poem!?: The Water That Makes Us

Whooot Page 6 in the next post!?! :P




Clyde -> RE: ~Live.Love.Laugh.~Comments (8/27/2008 0:47:59)

Alright, here's another to start off Page 6. ^_^

I'm Just Like Me

I made it during this really soft piano song. xD




Crimzon5 -> RE: ~Live.Love.Laugh.~Comments (8/27/2008 1:00:00)

Was it the guitar that you play? Or can you play more than just one instrument? Oh well... anyways

Heh, that poem hit home. The title sounds strange in a way but really true (well, duh :D)




demolitiondragon -> RE: ~Live.Love.Laugh.~Comments (8/28/2008 3:41:01)

I'm Just Like Me
quote:

You all seem twice as tall,
taller then I will ever be.

^ Should there be a comma there, perhaps?
quote:

when my head works too hard.


Congrats on your AK-ship by the way. ^_^




Clyde -> RE: ~Live.Love.Laugh.~Comments (9/5/2008 13:39:45)

Heh thanks DD and fixed.

New: Abomination of a Friend.

Breaks are for the wicked. >:P




Clyde -> RE: ~Live.Love.Laugh.~Comments (9/24/2008 1:32:08)

Ugh new poem. :P

The Art of War

Enjoy. <3




demolitiondragon -> RE: ~Live.Love.Laugh.~Comments (9/24/2008 20:40:10)

Abomination of a Friend
quote:

Our heartbeats go hand in hand...

One word.
quote:

Time to rise, my friend...

Need comma there, I think.
Also...
quote:

Fixing the pieces with each part.

...that's a good line. ;]

Didn't pick anything up in The Art of War. Glad to see you're still writing. =]




Clyde -> RE: ~Live.Love.Laugh.~Comments (9/27/2008 23:35:46)

That I am. Thanks for the comment and fixed. :D

New Poem: Idle Thoughts and Feelings




Firefly -> RE: ~Live.Love.Laugh.~Comments (9/28/2008 1:48:22)

Man, I should check here more often... =P Reading newest addition...

quote:

then from at the bottom of the pile.

I think you mean "than" here. "then" is for time. "than" is for comparisons.

quote:

but my heart as a lot to say.

Typo? "has" right?

I like this one. Sets up nice tone and atmosphere. ;)




demolitiondragon -> RE: ~Live.Love.Laugh.~Comments (9/28/2008 16:47:29)

Hm. Nice one.




Clyde -> RE: This.Dysfunctional.Commodity.~Comments Thread (10/25/2008 2:23:03)

A Media Nemesis

Yes I'm back with some fresh meat so please go ahead butches. :P




demolitiondragon -> RE: This.Dysfunctional.Commodity.~Comments Thread (11/4/2008 5:48:19)

A Media Nemesis
quote:

This all seems too familiar,

quote:

for all to of us to see.

Methinks that "to" should be taken out. If you meant "two", perhaps "both" would be a better word?
quote:

you know everything's lost its appeal.

No apostrophe there.

Again, nice to see you're still writing. =]




Clyde -> RE: This.Dysfunctional.Commodity.~Comments Thread (11/30/2008 3:08:02)

DD! *snugs DD* Glad to see you still read my stuff. ^_^

So I brought you a new poewm. This For Threatics :o




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