Lux -> RE: ~Live.Love.Laugh.~Comments (8/8/2008 19:58:08)
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Opacus' Critique of Poetry quote:
Russian Roulette You signed the papers, and it was over from there. Can you take the suspense? I feel your poisonous stare. Good, I see no problems with it. It all looked so sweet, but tasted oh so sour. I can feel the poison flooding, by the hour, by the hour. Nothing wrong with this one either; it's good. I can tell this was a plan, a plan to weaken me. From my knees, you’re killing me. Good use of syllables; nothing wrong. Now we stand in this typical silence, waiting for you to pull the trigger now. Let's play a little bit of Russian Roulette, with all the bullets now just to make it harder now. You may think this is funny until I- pull the trigger now, it ain't funny now. A little too many "nows" for my preference, but it isn't necessarily out of place. Otherwise, good. We used to be so strong, but it's harder now, harder now. We used to get along, pull the trigger now, pull the trigger now. Good, but after "along", I would replace the comma with a semi-colon because the next line is two sentences. From the glamour to fame, you let it all get to your head. Now it's starting to rot, and the old you is now dead. I see nothing wrong. Excellent! Excellent poem, Clyde. I may be new, but I know good poetry when I see it :).
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