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Maegwyn -> Issue 28 - Tempus Fidgit! (Rimblade) (7/23/2008 11:25:16)
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Tempus fidgit!
By Rimblade
Time, the final frontier...... as well as the original frontier, and the undiscovered frontier, and arguably one which exists only as an expression of the imperfect linear perception of the human mind. Regardless of what frontier time is (or isn't, or will be, or will have bisn't), it CAN be traversed, at least in LORE. Or possibly it cannot. Or maybe it can, but not within the boundaries and limits of conventional syntax, and ... you know, this introduction isn't going to work out, due to the nature of time (the un-nature of time). It's clearly going on too long - I will run out of time.* Let's move on.
In both DragonFable and AdventureQuest, Time Travel has been shown to be possible. By hook or by crook,** man can step across time and space with only the slightest difficulty. The barriers of time which keep even the dancing stars in check are barriers no longer! Clearly this is the time for an eternity-spanning Ultimate Empire!
Or ... is it?
In theory, there can only be one reason that there is no paradox - for every action a man undertakes, a thousand thousand (to the power of a hundred bazillion) worlds where he did something different 'branch off.' Expanding this theory, these worlds continue to go on until you have a whole lot of alternative realities. In this case, however, the theory would also say that everything is happening at once, but most of it is somewhere else from where you are. Under this speculation, a time machine simply moves you sideways to another realm, much like your own, but where things are occuring which occured in your realm ALREADY.
Of course, that's the boring explanation. The more interesting - and therefore more likely - explanation is that time is like a river, and therefore you cannot float upstream, but rather must take a canoe. Now, I realize that this is a bad analogy; a motorboat would be much more fun, and you could seat several friends on it, and possibly wear sunglasses AND a fishing hat at the same time.
Naturally, in this case, changing the flow of the river changes things instantly, but does not erase the memory of other swimmers, or make it so that they had been swimming in a different way all along. So to change that, we could claim that Time is like a taco, and if you eat it, it stays eaten. Unfortunately, that also doesn't make any real sense when applied to any concept at all. Having considered that, I have arrived at one possibility:
Time is Confusing
This implies a certain malevolence about Time, which most people would say is absurd. Time is simply a concept, or a dimension, right? Wrong. Time has already done terrible things and killed thousands of innocents - just recall the Time Portals through which the Carnax Spawn poured. Think of the ZARDIS, which uses time as an ultimate weapon with which it cannot be opposed.
Time is Evil.
Every direct action Time has ever taken has proven evil. Time slaughtered with the Carnax Spawn. Time slaughtered with the ZARDISes. I suspect that when the ships of the Order came down upon Mt. Thrall through Time, they probably crushed entire tribes of tiny people, or perhaps some innocent old witch. Indeed, time seems to be incapable of doing good.
'But wait!' some would argue, 'What about the part where Artix, Zhoom and Cysero called upon us to save Battleon from the Exodus Titan in a time machine? Surely that was a good thing!' I would argue that these people have taken a few too many blows to the head while trying to feed their dragons. Everyone KNOWS that Zhoom doesn't even live in Battleon, in all probability*** There's no reason to even consider the inanity of a magical time-travelling phonebooth.
Therefore, armed with the knowledge that time is evil, you must make every effort to destroy it. Only by completely tearing LORE to shreds can we be sure that Time does not remain, waiting to jump you on your way to work. So next time some ne'er-do-well threatens to unmake all of time and space, just think: is a world where Time runs rampant the sort of world I want my children to grow up in?
This message brought to you in part by WEAPT (World Eaters Are People Too)
*Impossible, probably
**Or by powerful magic, or alien starships, or blue non-copyright-infringing phone boxes
***Unless he's a master of disguise. I propose that he is actually the house salesman.
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