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Anoril -> (DF) Linusneevil, as told by Aurore (8/7/2008 10:17:36)
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Linusneevil, as told by Aurore
“I can’t believe this,” said Sora in a voice that suggested that he could believe it but he was trying to break an uncomfortable silence.
“We’re like,” Aurore routed around for the word, “Deserters. Anoril’s gonna kill us.”
“Somehow I think that Anoril will have greater worries,” said Itsme, “After all there’s a good chance that all of No’bell is gone now. Besides Anoril would understand, I mean they were all dying back there. Anoril might not even be alive anymore.”
“I have a feeling that atleast a few of Cysero’s Defenders are still around,” said Sora, “It’s General Glass I’d be worried about.”
“Ah…” said Itsme, “Ah ha! There’s three of us and one of him, if Glass shows up we can take ‘im.”
It had been about a week since the three of them had abandoned the fight in No’bell. They hadn’t wanted to, but they’d had no choice. There was simply no way that Cysero’s Defenders would be able to claim victory over the attacking Yeti and Dravir. Chaos had ruled and their minds had been a blur. The primordial instinct of self-preservation had taken over and the three of them had fled. But now what?
“And so now,” announced Itsme, “The three of us continue…to Defend Cysero behind the scenes. To continue the fight for justice…”
“Sounds like a really bad spin-off novel,” said Sora.
“Yeah,” agreed Aurore, “But really what now? I mean we can’t stay here in Surewood.”
“We stick together,” said Sora, “That much we agree on. Maybe we should head to Falconreach, see what’s going on there.”
“No,” argued Itsme, “The battle in No’bell will be over by now, we should go back.”
“We can’t do that,” piped up Aurore, “Either it’ll be gone, in yeti control or in Defender control. Each way holds bad news for us. We should go to Amityvale.”
“What?” said the two men.
“It’s safer and we have a base of operations there and allies.”
“It’s in Doomwood!”
“Falconreach!”
“No’bell!!”
“Amityvale!!!”
***
Eventually the three of them stopped arguing. They decided that the best place to go was the Aeris Battlespire. It was neutral, easily accessible and it always had up-to-date news from around the world, thanks to the flying ships that soared the skies, bringing information back home.
“Where’s the closest arena,” asked Sora.
“Well, No’bell!” interjected Itsme.
“It’s not far,” said Aurore, ignoring Itsme’s comment. “I think it’s just over in that direction.” She pointed through the trees. “About a mile or so.”
“So yeah, No’bell is closer,” huffed Itsme.
***
After they’d walked about half a mile or so they heard whistling. Within moments they saw a figure approach from the trees. He was dragging a cart behind him.
When the man got closer they saw the contents of the laden cart; Capes, helmets, jewelry, a small blue gun?
When the man spotted them he called out in a heavily accented voice, “You want to buy merchandise yes?”
It was the first voice that they had heard, other than each other’s, for days. “I got good products, I do.”
“I’m sorry good sir,” said Aurore ludicrously politely, “We have no money to spare.” The man shot daggers at them. To clarify, that is he gave them a venomous look, he didn’t actually throw daggers at anyone. “However,” continued Aurore, “We would appreciate some information if you wouldn’t mind.”
“You buy first,” protested the man.
“Look here,” spat Itsme, “We’ve been walking for ages, and we’re tired. All we want is a little information, and I’m sorry but if you don’t supply then I’m going to be forced to take action.” While he said this he conjured a ball of fire around his hand. An unwise move.
“Sorry sir but you do not frighten me.” The man waved his hand and Itsme’s fire went out. The man waved his hand again and the ground around Itsme’s feet suddenly turned to mud and suckered in his feet. The man nodded to the three of them saying, “Sirs, lady.” He walked on, whistling as he went.
“Weird,” said Sora simply.
“Yeah” agreed Aurore.
“Yeah…” said Itsme with a wry smile, “I don’t suppose that one of you could I dunno…HELP ME OUT!”
***
They’d just walked out of hearing distance of the man’s whistling when Aurore said, “I wonder what that blue gun was about.”
“It looked like the guns that the linus use,” offered Sora.
“They’re red though.”
“Yeah but it was the same shape. Itsme what do you think?”
“Well…speaking of linus…” Aurore and Sora looked around the forest. Coming out of trees, bushes, shrubs, logs, puddles and even in one case a molehill, were linus, hundreds of them it seemed. They were completely surrounded.
One of them had a small red gun. “Meh,” it said.
***
“You know what’s weird?” said Aurore.
“The situation we’re in.” replied Itsme.
The three of them were tied to a stake in a forest clearing. Small little butler-like penguins bounced up and down around them. The king linus, the one with the gun and the crown, was sitting on a sort of throne. It was really just a tree stump with some poison ivy around it but the little guy still looked impressive.
“No…well yes,” digressed Aurore, “But I can understand everything these linus are saying.”
“Really?” asked Sora, inclining his head around the stake.
“Yeah, its weird. You guys, what do you here when they speak?”
“Speak?” Itsme asked, “They don’t speak they just say ‘meh’ over and over.”
“Not to me,” Aurore glanced at the king linus who was staring back, “I can understand them.”
“Must be a woman thing,” joked Sora.
“Oh ha ha ha,” said Aurore sarcastically, then under her breather she whispered, “Tog lover.”
“What are they gonna do with us?” asked Itsme, “Did they say that? And why did they not take away out weapons?”
“Em…they say that…I can’t here over all this chanting. No wait…the king’s saying…what? No…SHUT UP!” The linus all fell quiet even the chattery king.
Then the king rose from his throne, “Meh,” he said.
Aurore returned, “Meheh. Mehheheh.”
“Oh god…” murmured Itsme to Sora.
***
An hour later Itsme and Sora were still tied to the stake. Aurore had been let off and taken into…well it wasn’t a tent or a big tree. It was just a…hiding place. It was camouflaged perfectly and only with the Linuses guidance could one find it at all.
“Right enough is enough!” snapped a bitter Itsme, “We’ve been tied to this thing forever and it’s not exactly comfortable. I mean how did they even manage it? Its not like they have thumbs! AURORE!!!”
The linus…well they were close enough to soldiers…they stared jumping about trying to stop the noise that was coming from the human tied to their favorite stake.
“AURORE!!!” Sora joined in now.
After about a minute of shouting and hopping on the linuses part, Aurore appeared from the…hiding place.
“What?” she said exasperated.
Itsme sighed, “You wanna help us out?”
“Oh right” Aurore laughed, she turned to the linus and said “Meh me me he he me.”
At once there was a scurry of little feet. And somehow without the use of opposable thumbs the ropes that bound the two men came away.
“Okay,” said Sora nervously looking around, “Can we go?”
“No not yet,” smiled Aurore.
“What? Why?” said Itsme in anguish.
Aurore waved the linus away and came over to talk to her friends. “Guys, get this, these linus need out help!”
“Wow,” said an unenthusiastic Itsme, “I did not see that coming. Now as much as I’d like to stick around and help a bunch of woodland penguins…I have better places to be. Well I probably do!”
“Itsme calm down,” soothed Sora, “Why do they need help?”
“Well,” beamed Aurore, “They’ve got a problem with sneevil. You see yesterday evening a sneevil assassin tried to kill Mr. Snuggles over there,” she pointed to the king linus. “The assassin failed, he em…got shrunk and is probably wandering around now just really small. Anyway Mr. Snuggles said that more sneevil will try to kill him.”
“I wonder why?” said Itsme in a bored voice. “Actually why? Why would a sneevil want a linus dead?”
“Well the sneevil think that the linus stole something of theirs, because a sneevil saw a linus in the boxopolis. But actually the linus was returning a sneevil box. Now the sneevil are angry and so are trying to kill Mr. Snuggles!”
“Right…why do we care?”
“Well they said that if we help them then we’ll get something good!”
“Right…you’re taking the word of a penguin named Mr. Snuggles?”
“…yes.”
“Well you can help them out but me and Sora are not helping. Right?”
Aurore looked at Sora pleadingly.
“Sorry,” said Sora, “ But I have to agree with Itsme, the only reason you’re doing this is ‘cause you found out that you can understand Linuslingo. I don’t think it’s a good idea. I’m sorry.”
Sora and Itsme stood, picked up their stuff and began to walk away. Then Sora turned to Aurore who stood stock still, “We’ll be in Falconreach if you need us.”
“No’bell!” protested Itsme.
“Falconreach!”
Aurore watched as her two friends walked away into the trees and out of sight.
***
Aurore spent the next few days alone. She had agreed to help the Linus with their sneevil problem but it seemed that the preparations would take longer than expected. She didn’t even know what she would be doing. Negotiating perhaps? Or maybe even killing a sneevil. She didn’t know for sure but she did know that she wanted to help the woodland penguins. And hopefully find out more about her mysterious ability to talk linusese.
While the penguin soldiers hurried about camp all day carrying weapons, messages and wooden stakes. Aurore kept to the background not wanted to get in the way of these Noble Creatures. Presently one of them stopped to scratch its rear. ‘Noble’. Aurore turned away and headed out of the clearing the Linus currently called home.
They had told her that she was allowed to go where she liked although the king would prefer to have her within summoning distance. While following the worn path toward the sound of trickling water, Aurore puzzled over the fact that no matter where you may be in a forest you could always find a stream. Perhaps it was some kind of irony the gods had placed, you could count on the fact that the minute a stream was really needed it would fail to be there.
‘A bit like Sora and Itsme’ she thought. She admitted she’d taken them for granted now but it didn’t hurt any less. The two of them had been her friends ever since her first mission for Cysero’s Defenders; they’d been deployed with Commander Leon to attack a Lizardman caravan. ‘Good times, gone by’ all were gone now. The Defenders, Commander Leon, Sora, Itsme…and the Lizardmen of course.
Aurore knelt by the stream and scooped a handful of water to splash over her face. Drinking some but spilling most Aurore let beads of water roll down her hair that shimmered in the morning air. Suddenly she saw clearer. In this world things change all the time. A world of constant war you have to roll with it and not wallow in the past. ‘I have a new mission. The Linus need help.’
***
The very next day Aurore was called by the King of the Linus Tribe to a meeting within the hideout.
It was as cramped as a goblin’s wallet, and a very very positive person might just be able to describe the atmosphere as ‘cozy’. There was about two centimeters of space between each of the occupants of the hole lined with skins and what Aurore hoped was dark red paint. Apparently half the tribe was important enough to be invited to the meeting.
The King sat once more on his tree stump that was carried from place to place by his ever-present bearers. With a pudgy fin he pointed to a set of blueprints-drawn in crayon-of the sneevil boxopolis depot. With his abstract gestures he also offered various phrases like ‘meh’ or ‘heme’
“So what your saying,” said Aurore in what had become fluent Linusese, “is that the sneevil BoxKing is behind all of the assassination attempts?”
The linus responded in an almost random way that the casual observer would have thought to be made up on the spot. “Meh, he, e, me me.”
“Oh, so it’s one of his councilors acting against him. And what do you want me to do?”
“Mhehemm me may me meh.”
“You want me to go and talk to the BoxKing and then he’ll punish this Rebel Sneevil in the sneevil way?”
There was a murmur of ‘meh meh meh’ which translated to agreement.
“…Okay. And why couldn’t you talk to him? Oh I see the BoxKing doesn’t talk Linus but he does talk human? Okay that sounds a reasonable enough answer.” And it did. The normal cynical Aurore might have argued or made some sarcastic comment but something in the chubby little faces of the Linus told her it was all perfectly sane to think that you’d be hired by penguins that only you could understand and wanted you to talk to a gang of goblins to sort out an assassination attempt upon the penguin in the hat.
“Okay so how are we gonna do this?” Aurore involuntarily began whispering as though there were hundreds of sneevil ears listening in.
***
Aurore admired the handsome finish that had been applied to the sneevil boxopolis. Despite being a goblin kingdom it was a very presentable place. The door had been varnished and the hinges looked nicely oiled.; ‘all the better for sneaking in un-detected’ thought Aurore.
She was outside the entrance tree to the extended fort, waiting for the infiltration Linus to let her in. She had been deployed in one of two teams. The other larger team of linus was stationed around the base of the trees ready to secure her retreat in the event that the sneevil did not respond peacefully. In her team were just 5 linus, although elite Linus at that. One specialized in disguise, one in fighting, one in explosives, one in spying and one in lock breaking and infiltration. It was the last that presently appeared behind the solid wooden door that swung noiselessly back on its hinges.
“Well that was easy enough,” said Aurore.
“Meh” agreed the Infiltrations expert motioning to the three unconscious bodies of sneevil further into the room.
Stepping over the raggedy lumps of green, Aurore moved further into the room. It was a sentry post, all those who were admitted into the Boxopolis would have to pass through atleast one in order to gain entry into the Boxopolis Proper.
“Up?” Aurore asked one of the Linus. The answer was a curt nod and a door being opened by a leaning tower of linus. The door led to the stairs, which Aurore began to climb.
The winding staircase climbed the height of the tree all the way up to the topmost branches. Every few steps was a small window. First she’d see just trees, then a town, then some more of the Boxopolis, then a tower and then a town again. Absentmindedly she wondered whether Itsme or Sora were in the town, wondering what she was doing.
***
Itsme and Sora couldn’t exactly say they were comfortable.
Being hung upside down from a tree wasn’t a desirable position to be in. What made things worse was the snotty nosed kid that kept spiting apple pips at them.
“Atleast the kid’s eating healthy,” said Sora.
“Oh…good…cause that’s all that matters…” replied Itsme sarcastically.
“Don’t blame me,” said Sora in the mightier-than-thou sort of way that the responsible one always adopts, “I didn’t tell you to poke the Gorrillaphant in the back did I?”
“Okay, but in fairness a simple poke shouldn’t make it do this!”
“You poked it with a magically charged staff!”
“Shut up! Oi! Kid! Wanna see summin’ cool?” Itsme smiled nastily.
***
None of the team knew where the Ninjas had came from. But in retrospect that was the point of Ninjas wasn’t it? Like the point of a monk was to be boring right?
The linus and Aurore had been calmly strolling across a bridge to a neighboring tree when a blur of little black shadows became present upon the rope bridge which had began to wobble with the added weight and swift movements of the ninja sneevil.
Aurore drew her sword, the rusty grating it made just reminded her how long it had been since she’d has a decent fight. The linus retreated toward each other in their favored group battle stance; on top of one another in a swaying column.
One of the nine sneevil vaulted toward Aurore and in return was send spiraling off the bridge to land with an audible ‘thud’ a few hundred meters later.
Two more sneevil took its place each balancing perfectly on the rope handholds of the bridge. Blades flashed back and forth between the warrioress and the golbinkin. Hissing was savagely exchanged from the two sides as Aurore twisted elegantly, despite her armor, between her oppressor’s blades.
The linus meanwhile in their tower of five were faced off against the tower made of two sneevil, one on another’s shoulders. The position was not a good one to fight in so neither made great dramatic sword play, rather they just pushed at their opponent hoping to push the living tower over.
As Aurore cut down more and more of the sneevil her rage burned brighter each time and her vision was turned to red. The ninja sneevil were clever they dodged her blade and rolled with her attacks just as she did with theirs. However no matter how clever they may have appeared in the end they were just migety sneevil and she was a she-warrior, trained in fighting styles of places the sneevil had barely hear of.
As the blood her last victim began dripping down her sword she turned looking for more to slay. Adrenaline coursed through her body like the hunting route of some great predatorial beast. Her chest heaved with exhilaration and with one last savage warcry she sliced downward upon the heads of the two-man sneevil tower. Both bodies spilt perfectly in two and fell to the sides.
“Phew,” she breathed, calming down, “Probably shouldn’t have done that huh?”
The linus didn’t seem to care as they waddled happily along to confront the BoxKing.
However as her team went ahead Aurore saw something a tad peculiar.
***
She was looking down from the bridge to the forest floor below. What she found odd wasn’t what was there but what wasn’t there. The King Linus was meant to be down there to secure her potential escape. However amongst the bushes and trees not a single penguin could be seen. This was something that normally would have been fairly average since Penguins weren’t renown on being Forest Critters.
So where were all the linus?
Presently one of her penguin team came over to speak with her. “Meep, mep meh.”
“The spy says that there’s two units of Boxfighters in the next room?”
Before the Linus could reply there came a great explosion from the room up ahead. Tendrils of fire licked out of the holes in the burning room. Aurore was knocked backward with the Linus by the force of the blast.
The linus continued, “Meh.”
“Not any more huh?”
It was true the explosive specialist had done his job. The next room yielded smoldering bodies of boxes and sneevil alike. A delighted smile spread the length of Aurore’s face, as soon as she realized this she wiped it immediately off.
***
Several rooms later and explosives later they came to the BoxKing’s Boxroom. The group of six entered impressively. Aurore sweeping into the middle of the room and the five linus following her and each selecting a place in the room to station themselves. The Linuspy perched upon the highest stack of boxes to survey all in the room. The Explosivelinus backed into a corner (amazing since the room was circular) and took out all sorts of complicated tools and red sticks of who-knew-what. The Linusfighter crouched at Aurore’s feet protectively incase any Sneevil tried anything. The Lockpicklinus remained by the door and the Linusguise seemed to blend into the background.
Aurore’s eyes came to rest upon the King himself. He was massive compared with his disciples that surrounded him and on his head he wore a crown made of roughly hewn gold. Or possibly wood painted gold, Aurore’ couldn’t decide.
One of the sneevil that sat within the huddle of boxes rose and drew a long dagger. “Who dares to interrupt the great King Splurt?”
Aurore laughed and said, “Interrupt? What’s he doing?”
“He is counting boxes. The great King Splurt has many important duties to his people you know.”
“I wish to talk with him,” said Aurore, “I do not wish to use force.”
Before the middleman sneevil could reply figure of Splurt himself moved and said, “Not use Force? You have already destroyed a large portion of the Boxopolis and killed many of my people.”
Aurore ignored this and said, “King Splurt, you have a traitor in your midst. One of your councilors has been sending assassins to kill a particular linus.”
“Hehe,” The king began to speak more like a Sneevil, “Linus make war. We stop them. Sneevil good, Linus great evil. Bad!”
“No, human good. Sneevil Bad.”
“We take Shrink rays. With them Linus unstoppable! Shrink whole forest, then town then world. Linus very evil. Bad!”
Aurore looked at the faces of the Linus around the room and then at the Sneevil. “Sorry but I think I side with the cuddly wuddly penguins rather than the Evilly weevily Sneevil!”
“Splurt sorry to here that.” He turned to his advisers and councilors. “Kill her. Human poses a threat, she has allied with the Linus!”
At once, waves of Sneevil exploded from all over the place. It seemed like every box in the room contained a little green monstrosity. Some were huge, almost the size of Splurt himself and some were no larger that Aurore’s hand. They’re size didn’t matter the sheer number of Sneevil would be their advantage.
“Meh.”
“Meep.”
“Me he.”
The linus were crying out to Aurore to give them commands or atleast that was what she thought they were doing. However without her saying anything the Explosivelinus let of a small stick of dynamite which blasted a hole in the floor. Within a second all the linus had dived through the hole leaving Aurore alone with the torrent of green monsters coming at with bared teeth. “Damn,” she muttered. Trusting in faith she also made for the hole. It was a squeeze, the Linus were a lot smaller than she but she was wearing slimming battle armor and so made it through.
The fall was both long and unpleasant.
***
Half an eternity later Aurore hit the ground. Luckily her fall was broken by something large and soft.
She took a moment and breathed out heavily. Taking in her surroundings she saw where she was. The BoxKing’s Boxroom had been built in the canopy of the largest Boxopolis Tree. It was here that nature worked in a different way. The tree was obviously still alive and growing, but it was completely hollow. Aurore sat in a room that was easily twenty meters in diameter and it was in the base of a tree? The place would have made many good botanists hang themselves in recognition that their life’s work was pointless.
Scrambling around she found that the thing that had broken her fall was a great roll of animal pelts. Soft and gray but that wasn’t what grabbed her attention most of all.
Inside the room, that was lit only by the speck of light from the hole in the ceiling, 50 meters up, were hundreds upon thousands of boxes. They were everywhere, the ground was covered and the walls were stacked. Some piles of boxes even reached the ceiling above. When Aurore looked closely at a particular spot in the land of the boxes she could see the odd flash of white or the speck of darker black. She then realized that what she was seeing were Linus, scavenging through the contents of the boxes, shields, horseshoes weapons gold, strange magical looking objects. However none of the accumulated mass satisfied the little penguins.
“Meh!” cried one, gesturing at his box.
Reaching on tiptoes to see what was in the box that made the Linus gaze in wonder so, Aurore saw what. Miniscule Red Guns. They looked hundreds of years out of time. Aurore had seen what they could do and knew that they were in fact Thousands of years out of time. They were Shrink Rays. One well-aimed blast and the target would be shrunk to no more than a foot high. And that was just the first blast. There had been unfortunate Humans who’s been shrunk over and over until they’d winked out of existence.
“So…This is what it was about.” The truth had come to meet Aurore like a bullet. The Linus had used her to distract the Sneevil while they stole the advanced Linus Weaponry.
There wasn’t time to wonder how the sneevil had managed to obtain such an armada from the penguins, as at that moment there came battlecries from above. Looking up Aurore could see a swarm of bats descending from above. Then as they got closer Aurore saw that they weren’t bats at all; they were sneevil. The golbinkin had developed parawings. They drew creepily downward in perfect control of their flight.
“Meh!” It was the King Linus. He was standing on a box and shouting to his followers. Each grabbed a Shrink Ray and began to fire randomly up at the approaching sneevil.
The sneevil, caught in mid-air could do nothing as their comrades were not shot out of the air but shrunk out of the air. The swarm got smaller, literally. No sneevil blood was shed but the individual soldiers were shrunk.
For a moment Aurore thought it cruel but her mind quickly changed. It looked like fun if nothing else.
With a horrible grin she picked up one of the tiny blasters and began firing at the sneevil too. For each that was shrunk her grin intensified. This was the job for her.
***
Amongst the Paratroopers not a single normal sized sneevil could be found, all had been shrunk atleast once. When they reached the ground the Linus just laughed and kicked at the tiny goblins.
Each penguin secured their own weapon and departed from the tree. The Sneevil were left helpless and shrunken. In the days that followed most would either starve or be eaten by birds. The sneevil had lost a battle in the Linusneevil War. A war that would naught but escalate.
***
Aurore knelt at the feet of the King Linus. It was a special occasion for her, she’d abandoned her armor and wore a silken dress she’d ‘liberated’ from the sneevil boxopolis. However her Shrink Ray was still fastened to her belt securely.
“Meh,” said the King Linus. He spoke in Linusese but Aurore now spoke it as easily as she did her own tongue. “We thank you Aurore,” continued the Linus, “We do this by presenting you with this medal.”
A penguin appeared and placed a small round copper disc in her hand. It had on it a picture of a dead sneevil.
The King continued, “And we knight you as a King of the Linus.” Very carefully her tapped her with the Shrink Ray one the shoulders and once on the head. “Rise now! Warrioress, Lady Tue!”
Tue smiled. It wasn’t a completely nice smile in fact some might even have said that evil could be seen there just behind her eyes…
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