RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (Full Version)

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demolitiondragon -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (11/24/2008 23:08:42)

Sorry for taking so long, matey.

Typical
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Be along, on my merry way.

Lol. (^_^)b
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You aren't a shepherd; I am not the sheep.

Perhaps "your sheep" would fit better, because its as if you're talking to someone?

Imagine
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Ever pondered alternate solutions?

I think that's more grammatically correct...
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instead of a verbal or physical abuse.

"abuse" is usually plural.
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It's humorous to think that such a minuscule

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decision can play a factor in who we are, and what

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in the slightest, to the cry of someone with joy

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we vanquished our hate with putting it away,

Perhaps "by" would be better?
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and not displaying it and taking it out.

"or", maybe?

Different
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you to backpedal into the life-style you're


Scars Of A Destiny
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But, why must the good nature

No need for comma.
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So, why do our dreams get shattered?

Could I suggest "So, why are our dreams shattered?"
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that way, the human heart can take a bear a few more beatings.

"take a few" or "bear a few"?
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The status, currently, it cannot beat another time, unless

I'm not sure what you're saying here.

Keep up the good work. =]




SL -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (12/6/2008 22:20:04)

Money Over Morals

No, I didn't fall off of the face of the earth. I am just very busy. This one's been sitting in a notebook for quite sometime, but I adjusted it today. Hope you enjoy it. xP





SL -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (12/14/2008 23:29:48)

If I Could Sing

Expect more to come. ^^




demolitiondragon -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (12/17/2008 7:12:11)

Didn't spot anything amiss in Money Over Morals.

If I Could Sing
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all go unseen, due to simple emotions.

This line sounded a little clunky, imo. Not sure how it might be improved, either, sorry. =[
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the bliss as I cross dot my I's and cross my t's

Is that correct, or did you just mean "dot"?
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on even the somberest of days.

How about "on even the most sombre of days"?
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Some might question why, and some would shrug it and approve.

This seems too lengthy compared to the other sentences(?). How about, "why; some would" ? Also, was the "it" intentional?

Still a nice one. =]




SL -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (12/25/2008 13:35:56)

...

One-liner - Short, yet sweet. To the point.




SL -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (1/10/2009 19:17:40)

Give It Back

New one up. Whee. =D




demolitiondragon -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (2/26/2009 0:28:52)

XD Love the one-liner.


Give it Back
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Oh, give it back,

Need comma?
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Tougher for me, definitly,

Definitely.

Rather sorrowful... and so joyous anouncing it! =O =P




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