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Maegwyn -> Issue 36 - Ask Zorbak: The Ezine Edition (Zorbak) (11/19/2008 18:04:02)
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Ask Zorbak: The Ezine Edition
By Zorbak
Meh heh heh!
Zorbak here, bringing you another installment of "Ask Zorbak:" the only place in the world where the World's greatest living Moglin Necromancer takes time out of his busy schedule to answer your silly questions. Name me any other game company that provides you with that level of access to one of their major players. You should all fall down on your knees and thank whichever Deity you choose to worship that I'm willing to sped this time with you. Go ahead ... I'll wait.
Anyway, they tell me this is Dragon Month here at Artix Entertainment. All of our games (AdventureQuest, DragonFable, MechQuest, and AQWorlds) will be featuring special Dragon-themed events all month long. So naturally, our *cough*beloved*cough* E-zine editors Alac and Maegwyn decided to request that this month's E-zine also follow the Dragon theme. They asked that all articles focus on Dragons, or dragonkind, or on activities that dragons might enjoy. Being the Team Player that I am, I had only one thing to say in response:
Are you KIDDING me?
I hate dragons. They're big and ugly, and often smell of brimstone and rotten eggs. Their tiny little brains leave them incapable of doing much more then eating, sleeping, and being cannon fodder for the inevitable Dragon War that takes place whenever Galanoth and his tin-plated DragonSlayers get bored and decide to go wave their swords around. Despite all of this, Dragons insist on strutting around like they own the place. And what's worse is that you people accept it ... to the point where you clamor for MORE dragons. As far as I'm concerned, the only good dragon is a DEAD dragon ... specifically, one that has had its severed head stuffed and mounted on my wall and its hide made into a fancy pair of dragonhide boots.
So forget Dragon Month. I hereby declare this to be Zorbak Month! I'm far more interesting, and a heck of a lot more deserving of recognition. This place would fall apart without me, and it's about time the rest of you realize it and give me the respect that I am due. So until they take away my Inbox and create an "Ask Akriloth" column, "Ask Zorbak" will remain a dragon-free haven for those of you with more discriminating taste in villains.
And now, on with the questions ...
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Vizeral asks: how do i get large amounts of gold?
Well, you COULD spend a few hours a day playing the game while carefully saving the gold you earn instead of spending it ... but that's for suckers. A much BETTER way to get a ton of gold is to bribe me to give it to you. Just send a check or money order to Ask Zorbak c/o Artix Entertainment LLC ... What? I'm STILL not allowed to do that? You people make me sick! This is a capitalist society ... I'm supposed to be free to make money the good old fashioned way: tricking suckers into sending it to me. Meh!
4652rde asks: Dear zorbak do you really hate twilly really much?
Actually, I love Twilly. We're totally BFFs (Best Friends Forever)! I enjoy inviting him over to the Hideout so that we might frolic and laugh and play and ... OK, I'm sorry. I can't even think about finishing that thought. The mere act of typing that tripe was enough to make my fur hurt.
Vanikiel06 asks: what is the password of level 6
It's CTRL-ALT-DEL. Or, if that doesn't work for you, try "format c:\" and answer yes to any questions it asks. Editor's Note: No, it isn't. Never accept password help from ebil Moglins.
Striker442 asks: How long would it take to get one million gold if you wanted it in one day?
It would take me approximately 15 minutes. Remember: I know where the Dev Staff lives ... Meh heh heh!
Meta knight 5 asks: Where did that chunk of Twilly's ear go? Did you do this? If so, you ROCK!!!
Heh ... Twilly got that chunk taken out of his ear back when we were kids, after I convinced him that ritual ear mutilation was the next hip trend in Moglin fashion and that all the cool Moglins were doing it. Football-head bought it hook, line, and sinker. If that goody-goody Poelala hadn't showed up to stop him, he'd also have an embarrassing tattoo to go with it ...
Zairick asks: How did you get that skar on your eye also who skull do you have on your staff?
Put it this way ... when your Mother warns you not to run with scissors, I suggest you listen. As for the skull, it comes from the LAST guy who kept asking me where I got the scar ...
Dino889 asks: Why are you a necromancer???
You might as well ask Picasso why he was a painter, or Hemingway why he was an author. Some of us are just born gifted, and it would be a crime to squander all that natural talent.
Jaklin1234 asks: There's this girl I like but I'm afraid. Can you help me talk to her?
Help you? How long have you known me? Of COURSE I won't help you. I enjoy the thought of you being anxious and tongue-tied whenever this girl walks in to a room. The fact that you are paralyzed with fear because she might reject you is like sweet music to my ears, and helps keep me warm on those cold Darkovia nights.
Zant144 asks: Do you like gold Zorbak? That gold, shiny stuff. I wonder if you can eat it???
I don't have much use for gold. I prefer to traffic in human souls. They are the preferred coin of the necromantic realm.
Leopolin asks: Why is it that when Artix is slaying the undead that he uses so many puns?
Because Artix thinks he's funny. And since he signs the paychecks, none of us want to tell him he isn't.
Fireflame609 asks: Hey Zorbak why was Twilly on your show dressed up as you?
Because everyone wants to be Zorbak.
zogsnort asks: How do i become a admin for this game?
I have a stock answer for questions like this. Unfortunately, I already got yelled at for trying to use it to answer Vizaeral's question.
BroodingMax asks: are you and twilly some how related??
Fortunately, no. It's bad enough I share a species with him. Imagine if I had to share a bloodline ...
Duck 5 asks: which is stronger dragon slayer or dragon lord?
Both are pathetically weak when compared to Necromancers.
Masarume44 asks: I really love the teacher's daughter but i don't know what kind of guy she likes.
Go for it. I'm sure she really digs guys who ask furry blue Moglin Necromancers for love advice ...
Striderkeuk asks: what is the square route of pie?
I do not like pie. I like Pae. And I'm not foolish enough to try to square or root her, as she might attempt to chomp me.
Emile26 asks: Are you the best necromancer in the lore?
Why, yes. Yes I am.
Suitester writes: Hi Zorbak I made a minion for you! http://www.spore.com/view/postcard/500172105458
Hmmm ... he does not appear to be Undead. But still, Zorbak is always pleased when someone sends him a new minion to play with ...
Bry051797 asks: Which do you think is better DragonFable MechQuest AQ worlds or Adventure Quest.
Adventure Quest is obviously the superior game, as it has the highest Zorbak content of the four. When will those fools at AE learn that I am the franchise and the obvious key to a successful game?
Kalirin asks: Zorbak, I'm quite the dark magician my self. Do you know any spells that would help me increase my power?
Of course I do. But why would I share them with you? I like to keep all the power for myself, thankyouverymuch.
Hork-Bajir asks: Why haven't you made a new episode of Ask Zorbak in over a year?
What do you call all these E-Zine articles I've been writing? The E-Zine is actually a quicker, easier method for me to reach my legions of adoring fans, and also answer more of their questions in a timely fashion. And besides, I enjoy having Alac and Maegwyn beholden to me; I may be able to make use of that someday in the future when I need a ... favor.
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That about wraps it up for another installment of "Ask Zorbak." Keep sending those questions in to zorbak@battleon.com and you might someday see your name in print, and be the beneficiary of my endless font of knowledge and advice.
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