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Maegwyn -> Issue 37 - Ask Zorbak: the E-zine Edition (Zorbak) (12/21/2008 14:15:29)
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So it's getting colder, snow is falling, and once again the season of Frostval is upon us. And before the annual festivities get underway, I'd like to clear up a few misconceptions. There's a rumor going around (probably based on 5 years of negative anti-Zorbak lies) that I hate Frostval. This is utterly untrue. I happen to LOVE Frostval! And I would like to take this opportunity to share with you all the True Meaning of Frostval(tm)!
Greed!
That's right, Frostval is my favorite holiday of all because it's all about greed! And selfishness! Sure, some will try to tell you that Frostval is about giving... but in order to give, someone has to receive. And I don't see why that someone shouldn't be your old pal Zorbak. Sure, I've had to do some questionable things in the past around this time of year, but hey: You can't make an omelet without first breaking a few eggs... and you can't maximize your celebration of the True Meaning of Frostval(tm) without having to kidnap and enslave a few dozen Moglin villages.
But enough of waxing nostalgic over the holiday season... on with the questions!
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Enzo66 asks: Most Honorable Zorbak, Should I sell one of my powerful weapons and buy a new house, or to save up for the house and keep the weapon in Adventure Quest?
Normally I don't answer gameplay questions, but never let it be said that Zorbak does not respond when someone shows him the proper level of respect. "Most Honorable Zorbak" has a nice ring to it; you should all take note for future reference on the PROPER way to address your betters. But anyway... at this time of year, I find that most weapons in AdventureQuest tend to be pointed at either myself or one of my minions. As such I wholeheartedly endorse the complete liquidation of any and all powerful weapons in your inventory. And when you buy that new house, make sure to send me a key. I may need a place to lay low if things don't go my way this Frostval...
Jesuskid48 asks: why can't you just take over the minds of dragons and all people and give me power?
So let me get this straight: I should go to all the effort to enslave the minds of the people and dragons of Lore, and then instead of ruling supreme over the land I should hand all that power over to you? Sure. Great idea. I'll get right on that for you. And while you're dreaming, would you like a pony?
QuestHero555 asks: What other things you like to do than cause mischief and ruin adventurer's lives?
I don't see it as mischief... I see it as performing random acts of ebil in order to bring a little excitement to your lives. Admit it: You'd miss me if I was gone.
Ollie16 asks: Are you related in any way to Twilly?
I get asked this quite a bit. Frankly, I'm insulted every time. Take a good long look at Twilly and me one of these days... you'll notice that we have no family resemblance whatsoever. In fact, Twilly and I aren't even the same species of Moglin from a biological standpoint. I personally am a member of the moglo superior genus, whereas Twilly belongs solidly in the moglo football-headius family.
JJoosseepphh12345678901234567890 asks: Will you try to destroy frostvale and who was your mom?
Hmmmm... did you spill something on your keyboard when you were creating your user name? Anyway, my plans for Frostval are mine and mine alone... you'll find out in due time what I'm up to. And my Mom is none of YOUR business.
Siandychen asks: Why have not you answered any questions?
I'm not quite sure how to respond to this...
JP 21 asks: If I trained in the wrong stat can I change it back or take it down back to zero?
Why yes. Yes you can. And now I bet you'd like to know how...
landon99 asks: Are paladins a threat to you?
Please. I'm not worried about those silly self-righteous do-gooders. In fact, the only time I've ever been threatened by a Paladin was when Artix said he'd withhold my paychecks if I didn't pretend to get along with Twilly.
crazy pants asked: zorbak, where are your parents?
Let's just say I "retired" them to a nice "home" in a "residential community" for "elder moglins"... what? Why are you looking at me like that?
bardocklaw asks: Why do u want to destroy everything what did they do to you?
I don't want to destroy everything... if I destroyed everything, where would I keep my stuff? For that matter, if I destroyed everything I'd have to destroy my stuff. And I LIKE my stuff.
2020997 asks: can you(zorbak) become my pet and join me in battle?
No, but I can become your Master and you may join ME in battle.
samargeorge asks: Who was Jean Paul Sartre
Born June 21st 1905, Jean-Paul Sartre (full name: Jean-Paul Charles Aymard Sartre) was a leading figure in 20th Century French philosophy. He was also a noted author, playwright, screenwriter, and political activist. Sarte was awarded the 1964 Nobel Prize for literature, but he refused to accept the award (though he later tried to have them mail him the cash prize on the sly). He died on April 15, 1980 from an oedema of the lung.
(And they try to tell me you can't learn anything playing video games... Let's hear it for Edu-tainment!)
leonellus asks: when in your life did you realize you wanted to be a necromancer, or were you just born with a heart of ebil?
"Heart of Ebil"... I like that. Anyway, true ebil Necromancers such as myself are born into the trade. While most of my contemporaries were still struggling to take their first step or speak their first word, I was summoning Undead minions to carry me around and do my bidding. Mom always seemed to object for some reason... I have no idea why; I saved her a FORTUNE when I zombified the babysitter and made her my undead minion.
regmond asks: Does being ebil hurt?
Not at all. Ebil feels good! Let me tell you, there's nothing better then that special feeling you get when you kick your first puppy of the day...
lakie asks: can u teach me hidden secrets about necromancy??? i cant seem to master lvl 5 necromancy!!
If I taught you, they wouldn't be secrets...
Hikaru asks: Dear Zorbak you seem smart so what is your IQ score compared to Twilly's?
Imagine the ocean. That's my IQ. Now, imagine a thimble full of water removed from that ocean. That's Twilly's.
Cirano10 asks: Are there female moglins?
Of course there are female Moglins! There's my *cough*sainted*cough* Mother, for one... and, of course, my darling Mu Glen and that sanctimonious do-gooder Poelala (who my brother Kabroz has quite the crush on. You should ask him about it some time; his denials are quite amusing).
Kedesh asks: I want to know why are you so bad.
I'm not bad... I'm EBIL! There's a world of difference...
Drewboo5 asks: Hey Zorbak, have you ever been beaten in battle?
I maintain to this day that I have never been beaten in a fair fight. Sure, you may think you have seen me fall in battle. You may even think you have defeated me personally. These thoughts are LIES! None of you would stand a chance against the true power of Zorbak if we were to ever engage in combat! Unfortunately for me, though, I failed to fully read the fine print on my contract with Artix Entertainment and overlooked the line about always letting the player win... so I'm forced to throw every fight. I've been trying to get that clause appealed, but even my ebil powers are not up to defeating the one true evil in this world: LAWYERS!
rdh612 asks: Zorbak have you ever thought of being good?
Yes. Yes, I have. And then I wake up screaming and have to have a cup of warm milk to calm myself down so I can get back to sleep.
jackteat asks: hey why don't you just kill all of your minions?
Kill my minions? Silly jackteat, I'm a NECROMANCER. My minions are already dead...
creativezenplus asks: Zorbak what is the meaning of life?
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And finally, minnow asks: Have you ever punted Twilly for real?
They tell me a picture is worth a thousand words, so... http://i40.tinypic.com/rbxzbs.jpg
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That's it for another edition of Ask Zorbak: The only online column in the world where the most ebil Moglin Necromancer who ever lived takes time out of his day to answer your questions. If you have a question for a future issue, feel free to send it to zorbak@battleon.com or use the contact link located on the EbilGames site at http://www.ebilgames.com . Until next time.... *sigh* Have a Happy Frostval everyone!
(They made me say that)
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