Random Stuff by Xirminator - Updated (The Salmon King)

Random Stuff by Xirminator - Updated (The Salmon King) (Full Version)

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Xirminator -> Random Stuff by Xirminator - Updated (The Salmon King) (1/2/2009 9:56:39)
All right, sometimes I tend to experiment with writing. You know, trying to describe particular settings or just random stuff. This is the place for this. No "real" stories will be posted here, just short descriptions of certain scenes, or completely random writing such as An Interview with A Vampire. So far, there are four of these. 1) The Satyr and the Fae 2) The Troll 3) An Interview with a Vampire 4) The Salmon King <---- New A bit of a foreword regarding how they came to be, starting with "The Satyr and the Fae". Sometime ago, I was randomly surfing the Internet, and I came across a flash animation site. One of these animations had a satyr-like creature being chased by fairy beings called the YuYu. I was inspired to imitate it, to see if I could describe an animation with words. Ironically, the animation had a positive ending for the satyr. The Troll was inspired by idleness. Here I was, staring at the screen, and I thought, Hell, I'm going to write something! Just like that. Pure randomness. The third started with a debate regarding what made vampires vampires. I suggested they could eat flowers, and the author could still call them vampires. One thing led to another, and An Interview with a Vampire is the final product. The Salmon King came from a nickname I use sometimes when I'm on IRC chat. Read it, and see if you've seen the greatest of empires before. :P

Xirminator -> RE: Random Stuff by Xirminator (1/2/2009 9:58:17)
Note that these are not my best writings. But I might look into editing them if I have the time. The Satyr and the Fae The light of the moon fell down on the pale face of a round grey boulder, resting on the gentle slope of a hillside. It snored softly, breathing the sharply fresh air, eyes closed to the starry sky. The grass rustled in the still air – and the satyr moved in his dream-filled slumber. A brief shadow passed over the stars, flitting away like a bat in the night sky. In that moment, four black shapes had appeared on the boulder: small, human-like black shapes, dark even against the night sky. Their eyes glowed with pure white brilliance. The satyr stirred again, his dreams troubling him. The four figures coalesced into clouds of darkness and cascaded down the boulder, towards the snoring creature. A shrill cry echoed over the hill - a nocturnal bird of prey out hunting. The satyr started and looked about to see darkness falling from above. Panicking, he stumbled up and started running, tearing through the dark clouds. The clouds of shadow gave chase. The satyr’s cloven hooves pounded into the earth as he ran, tearing up grass and soil. But a two-legged creature such as him could not outrun shadow. He stumbled once and and in that desperate moment they engulfed him; he beat at them with his arms and ran this way and that but their grips were solid this time. Then the clouds shrunk abruptly and disappeared in the same manner they had appeared. The grass rustled in the breeze, and the satyr was gone.

Xirminator -> RE: Random Stuff by Xirminator (1/2/2009 10:00:48)
The Troll The fire crackled and spat, licking a haunch of glistening red meat turning on a spit above it. A large round figure sat beside the fire, turning the spit and staring attentively at the meat with small, dull, yellow eyes. Gray skin and wiry black bristles covered the thick arm that turned the spit: the arm of a troll. His great flat nostrils expanded as he breathed deeply, savouring the aroma of his roasting meal. A necklace of white human bones hung from his thick neck, coming to rest on his bare chest and inflated stomach; a loincloth of matted fur hung from his hips to dangle just above his knees. His wide flat feet were bare. He finally stopped turning the spit and tore off some of the meat, heedless of the fire. Juice ran down his chin and onto his bare chest, mingling with the assorted bones. And while he chewed, his thoughts left the spit and went to his next meal – and the newest additions to his necklace. Two children – tied hand and foot – in the corner of his reeking dwelling of a cave. Both had been gagged with filthy strips of cloth; he didn’t like their voices. They were a scrumptious treat, but they squeaked like mice. He stopped chewing and took another bite. Then he started chewing again, slowly, ever so slowly, and thinking.

Xirminator -> RE: Random Stuff by Xirminator (1/2/2009 10:02:05)
Before reading this, note that it was written merely for amusement and is intended as a joke. It's not good in my opinion, but it was done in about two minutes with another two minutes for editing. If you don't find it funny, don't blame me. It's your sense of humor. That or you were not present during the debate. An Interview with a Vampire Q: Today we have the Grim Preacher with us on Ridicule, Slander and TV, the TV show that you all love! Grim Preacher is a vampire from a church in Transylvania and he has decided to allow us to ask him certain questions of an awkward nature. Grim Preacher, is it true that vampires drink blood? A: That is a very annoying misconception. We suck blood. We suck. Q: Is it your source of nutrition? A: We don’t need nutrition! We’re vampires! But it tastes good! It keeps our reputation nasty. Chewing flowers is the recent trend to keep our reputation nasty. I occasionally have to do it. I’m not called Grim for nothing you know. It won’t last long however. The younger vampires these days… they’ve abandoned the night tradition. They’re waking up in twilight and going out in human society, undisguised! And oh the language! My son’s most recent message to his friend: STEPH IRC THE M3Y3R OF FORKS! LOLOLOL! Terrible! Terrible! And you know what she said? Q: Ahem! A: Oh, forgive my rambling. Please continue! Q: Does being impaled with a stake through the heart kill you? A: Of course it does! Try poking your heart with a stake and see what happens. Q: What about garlic? A: A friend of mine, Barley Mob is a farmer. He grows garlic in his backyard. Sells pretty well among vampires, but the side effects are terrible! Addiction and lung damage. Severe lung damage. Personally I hate the smell, so I don’t do garlic. Q: Do crucifixes cause harm to vampires? A: No! How do you think I pose as a priest in a church? Vampires aren’t very popular, so we have to hide. Ignore the fact that I’m on TV. Q: Why do vampires – Hey! What are you doing? A: Taking my gloves off, undoubtedly. Q: Why? A: This will be messy. Q: Are you going to – A: I’m afraid so. Do not struggle. It is futile. Q: NO! A: Calm down, please. You should have foreseen this. Q: NO! LEAVE THAT POT PLANT ALONE! END

Xirminator -> RE: Random Stuff by Xirminator (1/5/2009 10:47:37)
The Salmon King Bow to me. I am the Salmon King, undisputed master of the greatest empire. All fish bow in deference to me, for I am the greatest of all fish in the sea. But I am a kind and wise ruler, and I bring abundance of food and wealth to my people. My presence brings the gods to cause rains of food to fall down from the watery-heavens above. I feel overjoyed to see my subjects pursuing the food, knowing that in their hearts of hearts they love me for what I have brought them. No assailant dares enter my empire. I have wealth unimaginable littering the floors of my sea: the ruins and treasures of sunken ships from long ago. The gods have seen fit to fortify my empire, to protect these treasure from the grasping thieves that lie outside my sea. Great, magical walls border my empire. They are invisible walls, as if to allow others to see the fruit of my labors, but they are insurmountable. They go beyond the highest of waters and are made of the smoothest solid I have ever touched. Truly, these walls are a miracle of the gods. And beyond the realm of my empire great beings stride in the void. They cry with the voices of giants and peer into my realm with eyes like the sun. When they do, I swim forth -- fins flashing, scales shining -- and warn them that this is the realm of the Salmon King. They touch the walls of my empire, and they realize that I am blessed by the gods. They fear my power, and they withdraw from the walls. And in their hearts they remember the wonder and joy of my empire, and they come again, to look, to gaze, to stare. But always in peace. Bow to me, for I am the Salmon King.

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