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smbdoll -> Issue 38 - On the Origin of Gremlinkind (Personater and Maegwyn) (1/18/2009 14:30:14)
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On the Origin of Gremlinkind - Survival of the Nefarious!
By Personater and Maegwyn
This article was compiled by Personater and Maegwyn for the better understanding of and research of the persistent and pugnacious problem of pesky pests known as Gremlins.
In Soluna, there are not scary things that go bump in the night.* Scary things do, however, go bump, crash, and screech endlessly during the day and cause epic calamities: Gremlins. Although Gremlins can be cars (which would be a good guess, as they also can crash and have a horrid tendency of being unreliable), we are referring to the technocidal demons of our very society - creatures that manifest themselves in C-Mail, interplanetary transmissions, and even mecha! Little is known about these creatures, but we as active members of the Elite anti-Gremlin strikeforce are working to salvage what information we can about them in order to educate and help people understand why Gremlins do what they do.
Eversus apparati - (one of the official scientific names given to these destroyers of machines) currently can be found throughout the galaxy and encountered by anyone at any time. Before these nefarious creatures became what they are now, they originated as simple ghosts in the system. You know, when you tell the IPI (Inter-Planetary Internet) to calculate the fastest route from Lore to Westion and it sends you to the moon instead? That is more than a glitch in the system - it an ominous sign that a Gremlin is being created. Every small malfunction, all exploded parts not picked up by the ShadowScythe scavenging forces or some other force watching after you (for good or bad) - every little hiccup in the known universe has the chance to become a Gremlin.
Yet, the mystery of Gremlins exists in how they extract themselves from machines to become corporeal beings. The life cycle of a Gremlin differs from any known creature: They start as nuisances, grow into problems, and even can become catastrophes if their power is sufficient. They are undying; they do, however, vanish once the source of their power is understood. Although they may appear to be gone, Gremlins have the mystical power of re-appearing just when they're neither expected nor wanted. (Well, actually, they're never welcome. This may be part of the problem. They seem to be rather bitter about never being invited to parties ...)
In an attempt to understand Gremlin culture, we've been essentially going undercover, spying. You may be wondering just how it is that we can spot these elusive beasties. What do they look like? They take many forms, and they don't always show up well when photographed, so this is a subject of an ongoing investigation. It is rumored that they are distant relations of the Sneevils, though Gremlins are not Sneevils and Sneevils are not Gremlins. Considering that (at this writing) you can still walk up the wall in the back of the diner, where Maegwyn has that pile of boxes, it may be that Gremlins are attracted to boxes.
As has been noted in the past, Gremlins love bugs. In fact, many of them are actually entomologists. There is a whole culture surrounding this. (Gremlins train bugs to do their dirty work) - it's a cross between a Mafia organization, a scientific community, and a carnival atmosphere, (think P.T. Barnum, flea circuses, trying to fool people). Some have even been known to steal human technology and memorabilia in order to figure out how WE work. Scary though, eh?
So, in our quest to understand and defeat the Gremlins ("know your enemy," as they say), we've learned that only the toughest poisons can be used against them. Can you recall the mishap in Westion? Specifically - we fought a war against bugs and scorpions in the dry desert of Westion and a shipment of bug spray (intended for Maegwyn at the Knife & Spork) exploded and defeated multitudes of our enemies. Well, although those bugs were not Gremlins, the test of the solution worked out well enough to start attempting to equip canisters of these for the Maniacal Monday Mash****, targeted to stop the spread of the few Gremlins that we can see.
Remember - Uncle Warlic wants YOU to report Gremlins! Without you, there's nothing the Gremlins Crew can do - it is your excellent reports that help the MechQuest team find and fix the problems encountered ... from Soluna City to Zargon, and beyond. As our investigation of these beasties broadens and deepens, we'll bring you more information, so stay tuned!
*Haven't you noticed that it ALWAYS is daytime in Soluna?-Personater **
**Except on firework holidays ... but it's still pretty bright ... -Maegwyn ***
***The smoke from the ceaseless fireworks blocks out the sun -Personater
****(also known as "Buggy Mondays;" these have been known to occur on other days of the week, but for some reason, still referred to as "Mondays," regardless ...)
Previous articles about Gremlins can be found in Zardian issues 12 and 23 - see also Issue 28 for the Physics of Bugs.
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