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Eukara Vox -> Issue 40 - Draconic theories on Luck (Talvan) (3/11/2009 16:06:55)
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Draconic theories on Luck
By Talvan
Humans are always going on about luck. I find it quite irritating, to be honest. Some Humans feel they have too little, and so go around carrying rabbit feet, four-leaf-clovers and little hats that make them look quite ridiculous. It seems to me they feel that somehow they acquire this mysterious luck from the very air surrounding them while carrying such pointless and superstitious trinkets. Others seem to have been born with an inexhaustible source of this mysterious quality.
These unusual individuals are always managing to escape from dangerous situations by the skin of their teeth.* Some Humans learn, by chance, a key piece of information that allows them to save the world. Others live ordinary lives with ordinary situations until, one day, they discover that they are really heroes that are compelled to rescue some random damsel in distress** that is captured by the Evil Dark Emperor. The list goes on and on.
But what is Luck? What compels this mysterious, rambunctious child of Chance and Randomness to strike at one person but not another?
Humans, of course, have their own theories regarding Luck and its causes; the aforementioned four-leaf-clovers and rabbit-feet look quite innocuous, but apparently somehow generate their own luck.*** Other theories of include birth dates within a certain month, the relative position of the celestial bodies that rotate throughout the immeasurably vast Space--usually, when aligned in a specific pattern, they cause good or bad luck--and the blessing of a faerie godmother.
I, however, believe different. For you see, us Dragons, with our curious, rational, mature, and analytical minds, do not reduce ourselves to such superstition and false supplication.**** Instead, we have used exhaustive scientific testing and experimentation in order to discover the true cause of good luck.*****
Draconic scientists have determined that Luck acts as a sort of energy field, and can be attracted or repelled with the right material or opposing energy field. With much effort, we have discovered the one factor that determines whether an individual will 'draw in' enough of the energy field in order to become 'lucky'. This mysterious factor? It is easily expressed in one word.
Chocolate
Yes, it has been scientifically determined, through months****** of exhausting and delicious research, that ingesting large amounts of this heavenly and delicious material acts as a lightning rod for the energy field of Luck. Further study revealed the dark variety, with little swirls of mint and white chocolate mixed together in those little squares, has an even higher affect. The more chocolate that is eaten, the luckier a person becomes. It's proven. Scientifically proven. So if you are feeling down on your luck, be sure to consume plenty of chocolate, and as an action of good karma, buy at least four times the amount that you eat and give it to a hungry, young, beautiful dragon such as myself.
*I would like to say here that some Human metaphors are really quite strange: Do teeth have skin? I don't think so. Human metaphors really take the cake!
**And some of them have quite bad taste. Many of these 'damsels' are not half as beautiful as my pulchritudinous self...
***Again, according to Humans.
****Mostly because faerie godmothers are banned from our territory, after an incident with a certain young Dragonling and fake chocolate. Can you imagine? fake chocolate! The nerve...
*****Bad luck, a similar phenomenon, was not investigated because of a shortage of extremely tall ladders under which to walk.
******Well, actually, two minutes.
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