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Eukara Vox -> Common Sense Guide - Zorbakian Issue 1 (4/1/2009 0:12:51)
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Common Sense Guide
You know, as I consider my many encounters with the citizens of Lore, it occurs to me that "Common Sense" is a misnomer. Quite frankly, they should call it "Uncommon Sense" around here, since so many of you seem to be lacking in the common sense department. Actually, now that I think about it, "Rare Sense"... or even better, "Mythic Rare Sense" would be a FAR more appropriate name.
I mean, let's face it, you people aren't always all that bright. You leap to conclusions, charge into battle at the drop of a hat, recklessly confront superior foes who are beyond the scope of your comprehension, *cough*needlessly persecute innocent ebil moglin necromancers*cough* and pretty much buy into whatever someone in a so-called postion of authority tells you. Some might call this trust, and consider it admirable. Not me... I call it gullibility and consider you naive.
But never fear... as part of my never-ending effort to make the world a better place (What? You don't think the world would be a better place if I was in charge? Well, it would! That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!), I present to you the following:
Zorbak's Guide to Common Sense in Everyday Life
1) Good deeds are for suckers. Only do something if it benefits you
2) The meek shall inherit the Earth. But in the meantime, the strong will make a pretty comfortable living by exploiting them.
3) Possums have pouches like kangaroos
4) Always consider the source. Maybe... just MAYBE... Twig and his pre-school level intellect are not giving you the sagest advice
5) Don't trust anyone
5b) Especially if they tell you they have your best interests in mind
5c) Or that they're only trying to help
5d) Unless it's me. You should believe everything I say because I'm only trying to help, and I have only your best interests in mind...
6) When in doubt... think W.W.Z.D. (What Would Zorbak Do?)
7) Helping others is bad. Helping yourself to other's stuff is good.
8) Zorbak is always right
8b) Well, except for that one time, when I accidentally though I had made a mistake...
9) Some people will tell you it's OK, as long as you try your best. We call those people "Losers."
10) Don't judge someone else until you've walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them you'll be a mile away... and have a new pair of shoes!
All you need to do is keep these points in mind, and you'll be well on your way to success!
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