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Eukara Vox -> The Musings of an Exhausted Mind: Life - Zorbakian Issue 1 (4/1/2009 0:13:37)
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The Musings of an Exhausted Mind: Life
You know, people are always asking me about the meaning of life. Or, at least, they SHOULD be. Not only am I the smartest member of our little Artix Entertainment family, I'm also a Master Necromancer. Who better to answer deep questions about the meaning and nature of life than a Necromancer? After all, we all know that the only way to truly understand something is to control it... and I most certainly have achieved a certain control over life and death. Sure, those goody-goody Paladins will tell you that my creations are a mockery of life and a blasphemy that must be eliminated... but they're just jealous because THEY can't raise legions of followers from the dead to serve their every whim. My knowledge and power intimidate them, so they spread slanderous lies about my intentions and brand me as a villian. But we're not here to discuss the campaign of character assassination being waged against me, or the prevalent anti-Zorbak bias around these parts... we're here to discuss the meaning of life.
So what is the meaning of life?
I'll pause for a moment so you all can say "42!" and applaud yourselves for your wit and cleverness. After all, I certainly don't hear that particular reference at least 50 times a day. I suspect Douglas Adams would be rolling over in his grave, except he was unfortunate enough to not know any Necromancers and is therefore currently incapable of rolling over. Done now? Good. Back to the article...
Anyway, what is the meaning of life? Some will tell you the meaning of life is to live life to the fullest, experiencing all you can experience. Some will say the meaning of life is defined by what you can give to others, and what kind of effect you can have on their lives. And some will tell you that life is but a walking shadow; a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more. All of these people have one thing in common: They are thinking about it FAR too much and missing the point entirely!
The meaning of life (for all of you reading this, anyway) is to serve Zorbak. Each day, you should rise in the morning and think "How can I make Zorbak's life easier today?" Perhaps Zorbak would appreciate a small gift, or a batch of home-made chocolate chip cookies. Perhaps you could offer to clean Zorbak's Hideout, or run errands for him. Or, if that's too much to ask, perhaps you could merely agree to pledge your immortal soul to Zorbak's cause and spend the rest of your life as his willing minion... until you pass on and Zorbak rewards you by raising you as a trusted footsoldier in his Undead Legions.
(Sorry, all this philisophical talk is making me speak of myself in the 3rd person...)
Now, you might ask, if the meaning of life is serving Zorbak, then what is the meaning of MY life? That should be obvious! The meaning of MY life is to give you all a focus for your servitude and adulation. While the rest of you get to lead fulfilling lives based on servitude and worshipping the ground I walk on, I am forced to take one for the team and be the target for your efforts. But don't worry: I'm happy to make this sacrifice so you all can lead the rich and fulfilling lives you deserve. Because that's the kind of selfless Moglin I am...
It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it.
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