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Sir Dorigo III -> RE: The Anti-Hermitage ~ Comments and Criticism (7/22/2009 21:55:48)
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Im going to begin to C&C yuor "mixed poetry"
Here goes:
First off...
What am I?
For the first time in a long time
I am feeling self-concerned,
My legs are feeling numb
And my stomach’s feeling churned.
For all the years I think I’ve known
I now know I have lied,
Not that I am asking me (I dont understand what yore trying to say here. Explain?)
Just what am I?
I’m a lover and a fighter,
Yes the kind that can do both.
A braveheart and a coward
And a freeman bound by oath.
I feel lost and I feel scared
With no identity, With the lack of identity,
It’s difficult to see the things It makes it so much harder just to spot,
That make up me. the simple things that equal me. (Most definitely not the best way to proofread, but i feel flow is wrong here. mine is a possible solution. )
One is defined by their own actions
But mine often contradict.
One moment I’m the trickster,
And the next I am the tricked.
People see me differently,
None know me as the same.
I suppose the only thing I am
Is my (maybe add a "simple" here?) name.
My name is something that I own
Yet it is what I am,
In the way a shepherd sees himself
Within a baby lamb.
When people ask your name
They are asking who you are;
They think one word can tell them
But from the truth their far.
I am different things in different ways,
In different circumstance.
I’m many people all in one,
I act in new by chance.
I am satisfied right here
Whatever I will be;
For I will be what I am,
And what I am is me.
i loved this one! one of your best. mainly speeling erors here tho
Sunset
It is the end of my long day;
End of my fun, end of my play.
Mom reads, dad talks and all the while,
I watch the sunset here, and smile
I’m going off to high school soon,
To learn great things as future looms.
A future where I might do poor,
I watch the sunset here, unsure.
Time to start at my career.
I’ll build my drams I’ll have no fear!
I’ll make a life, I’ll do it right.
I watch the sunset here, in light.
Today I am forty years old,
My heat for work starts growing cold.
But if I quit, cant meet my dues…
I watch the sunset here, confused.
Today’s the day that I retire,
Reclaim my vigor, rekindle my fire!
Time to rest, no longer mope;
I watch the sunset here, with hope
Today’s the day I finally died,
I sat and watched as my family cried.
Now it’s time for life anew,
I watch the sunset here, with you.
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