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Eukara Vox -> Issue 46 - Conspiracy Corner: Robina (Cow Face) (9/4/2009 14:03:35)
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Conspiracy Corner: Robina
By Cow Face, at Yulgar's Inn
From my corner table, I observe her with one eye, nursing my non-alcoholic beverage.* She looks so innocent, so kindly... What an actress. Adventurers may praise her for her help with such crises as the Devourer problem, or her marketing of the Siege Tower Shield, but this is little compared to her criminal record. Or lack thereof. Er, the fact that she doesn't have a criminal record. But deserves one... I think I just botched my dramatic monologue; better to fall back on an old standard: Robina Hood is evil!
All of you should know by now about the current economic crisis. The popping of the housing market bubble (due to Water Dragons) started this entire mess. It has grown worse due to the towns giving money to the MOGLNs and other such gangs. What you might not all know** is Robina's complicity in this matter.
Any money spent at a store is usually subject to taxes. These taxes are then used in the best of ways by the towns and kingdoms- to fund the bounties for dangerous monsters. The money received by the adventurers is then spent on shiny new equipment. Where does that come from? Stores! It's a happy cycle that has made the world go 'round for years. What, then, besides certain evil Dragons, could disrupt this? Untaxed goods. In example, I present the following scenarios of how the cycle should work, and how Robina makes it work.
Normal Cycle
Adventurer: "LAWL 300K tiem 4 to get Saklebary!!!!"
Frogzard Hunter: "Thanks, mate! Now, I just need to get me 941 forms, and send me money on its happy way to the town government, where it shall be spent in very useful and wonderful ways! Hooray!"
Town Mayor: "Hooray!"
Adventurer: "Hooray! :D ...wate now I need moar cash..."
Robina's Cycle
Adventurer: "LAWL 300K tiem 4 to get Seej Towar!!!!"
Robina: "Yeees... yeees... give me the money. Excellent. Your honestly-obtained money shall now be re-routed to the various monster gangs which I fund, which shall in turn become more powerful, and thereby become able to extort even greater amounts of currency from the town governments! The circle is complete; now, I am the master!"
Adventurer: "LOLWUT D:"
As is clearly demonstrated by the above, the normal cycle makes everyone happy, while the latter causes adventurers to cry out in mortal despair. Also shown in those examples- I apologize for the graphic nature of it- is her true motive. She freely admits that she will "Steal from the Rich and give to the Monsters," which is nothing more than a thinly-veiled statement of her support for the various monster gangs.
Even if that doesn't leave you convinced, an anonymous source*** has informed me that she is the ringleader of an underground Moglin slave trade. This is grave news indeed. The individual cites the containment of Poelala in a chest as evidence for this, and besides that, the source's... circumstances give him creditability. He also claims that Robina has been involved "in the acceleration of hostilities in almost every war to be fought around here in recent years." While there was no direct evidence given for this point, it may be observed logically**** that in almost every war, she has been there. As has Artix, a Paladin noted for his uncontrollable necrocidal urges. Interesting connections, aren't they?
Food for thought.
In the meantime, it would be advisable to relieve yourselves of any Siege Tower Shields you may have. I am willing to take on the burden of taking care of them, until we may prove that they are benign. No need to thank me.
__________
* Cream soda, for the win!
** I certainly hope that you don't; else, what would I write about?
*** Hint: It starts with Z and rhymes with "More Pack!"
*** You didn't expect that word to come into my theories, did you?
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