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Cow Face -> RE: Sadface/Promises - Comments. (12/7/2009 11:37:50)
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Forgive me if I have any over-emotional statements in this comment, heheh. I was in a rather emotional state when I read this.
I read your poem right after watching the movie Gran Torino, and I feel that the two compliment each other quite well. Both led me into a very thoughtful mood; both were very moving, despite being very different. I find that I cannot think of any way to improve your poetry- as it's free-verse, the lack of meter is perfectly fine. Instead, I'll just tell you what I think of it.
You have, to me, a somewhat abstract subject here, which lends a good deal to the poem. It allows the reader to come up with his or her own interpretation of events, to some degree; I think that some of the best writing is that same way. What I see in your words is a question which I have myself encountered: how much grief is appropriate when faced with the death of a loved one?
In my opinion, two of the most powerful sections of your poem are the two questions which you raise. "What's in these molecules and atoms, / The puddles by my feet and the bottom, / That seems to promise what words cannot offer?" It can indeed be difficult to find peace in the wake of misery. Here, you capture that feeling beautifully. From there, you go on to speak of the narrator's lack of emotion, to some degree, after having heard that his loved one died. The final question, "I don't hear her voice any more. Is that a good thing?" is a haunting one, one that cannot ever truly be answered.
All in all, it is an excellent poem, in my opinion. Despite some of your comments on IRC, I think that you have a good deal of talent for poetry. I encourage you, if you enjoy writing poetry, to continue, and share your works with the community.
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