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Eukara Vox -> Issue 50 - Hero's Heart Day vs. SnuggleFest (Ultrapowerpie) (2/1/2010 15:15:48)
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Hero's Heart Day vs. SnuggleFest
by Ultrapowerpie
I know some of you may find this hard to believe, but it turns out that by some bizarre twist of time-travel fairies, there's actually multiple versions of Lore! Yes, I recently discovered this when Cysero let me borrow his magical Phone booth... whatever a phone is...
After some amazing time travel discoveries, I have decided to do a comparison on two holidays celebrated on the same day with similar themes, but have remarkably different operations.
The first of these two holidays is known as SnuggleFest, which is celebrated in Battleon. SnuggleFest is one of the greatest festivals of love ever celebrated in the history of Lore. There's so much love going on that there's pink hearts all over the place.
SnuggleFest is more then about love, it's more about getting adventurers to do random tasks for some of the residents of Battleon in return for becoming their hero. You can assist Artix with undead, Galanoth with Dragons, Safiria with werewolves and more!
And what do our fine adventurers get from all these tasks? Why, access to a special shop with all sorts of lovey-dovey weapons so you can spread the love to your foes by bashing them on the heads! All in all, this wholesome holiday is fun for adventurers of all ages!
Meanwhile, there is another holiday celebration that has been completely corrupted and devoid of the joys and wonders of SnuggleFest. This holiday, is known as Hero's Heart Day. It sounds like it's all huggles and snuggles, but I assure you, it's not what you think it is.
Hero's Heart Day is run by a man, a man named Big Daddy, a short man, yes, but he still goes by Big Daddy. He runs his operation in the Forest of Infinite Terrors, which is appropriately named because of the sham operation that Big Daddy is running in this neck of the woods.
You see, Hero's Heart Day is just a giant scam run by Big Daddy to try and monopolize a profit on adventurer's insecurities of loneliness and boredom by having random heroes dress up in ridiculously fuzzy teddy bear armors with pathetic, weak attacks when compared to the equally fuzzy but oh so much more powerful Frost Moglin Armor...
Where was I? Oh, yes, Big Daddy gets these poor heroes to go around in fuzzy teddy bear armor and deliver snuggle grams to poor lonely heroes at an overcharged price. And the worst part about it? The poor hero gets paid in a pathetic token that can only be spent in Big Daddy's own store, ensuring that Big Daddy gets maximum profit while charging the poor hero to do a ridiculous amount of labor for cheaply crafted weapons!
So if you live in a time period that celebrates this fraud of a holiday, be sure to boycott it! Deny Big Daddy his ill-gotten gain! And if you can, travel into the day and age where SnuggleFest is celebrated in all its joy and snuggliness!
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