Tainted Soul : Comments Thread (Full Version)

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Alpha Atom -> Tainted Soul : Comments Thread (2/22/2010 11:40:02)

Tainted Soul

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ringulreith -> RE: Tainted Soul : Comments Thread (2/22/2010 17:00:04)

Hello! I see you got accepted, congratulations! I'll go through your story more critically later, but right now only one thing comes to mind.
quote:


At one point he swore the dust floated in the shape of a skull. Just as he was trying to convince
himself it was just the light, he jumped as the floorboards downstairs creaked.

Unless Obsidian literally swor out loud, and was talking to himself that the skull shape was not real, that sentense doesn't fit since the point of view of the passage is from Spirit Death's perspective, so he can't know what Obsidian is thinking. Unless, of course, Spirit Death can read minds...

That's all for now, and grats again.



Relentless -> RE: Tainted Soul : Comments Thread (2/23/2010 15:04:45)

Hey, Alpha Atom! Glad you got approved! I've read your narrative so far, I like it so far, the description is good, hoping to see more. :D



Alpha Atom -> RE: Tainted Soul : Comments Thread (3/4/2010 15:33:30)

@Ont; Thank you for the comment, I never realised I'd even done that, I'm just changing it now though.

@Relentless; Thanks for the comment, I'm glad you like my story.

Also, there's going to be a rather big plot change, just to keep me interested and make it less predictable.



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