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Starstruck -> RE: Origins Comments (11/16/2011 12:57:58)
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Ohaidere, super! Found a few errors you might want to fix. I know you enjoy this universe, and I'm very, very intrigued as to how Sirlinias will grow up to become the man he is.
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The bottom of his show made a squelching sound Should be "shoe". I read this sentence four or five times before discovering that it was a typo.
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the anger was evident in Sirlinias' voice You should capitalize "the". Because it doesn't describe what Sirlinias said, it's a sentence in its own right and should be capitalized.quote:
I always lose, is it?” He said, his smile morphing into a wide grin By the same token, "He" should not be capitalized.quote:
He shook his head lightly, spraying water out of his hair in all directions. He pulls off his shirt, twisting it around itself and squeezing to get all the water out of it. Tense agreement, should probably be fixed.
These are just minor errors. The tale is gripping, and Fala's potential fibs are cutely innocent; I like it so far, and I'd kind of like to see you expand more on the story. Unless you'd like to finish Weavers first before getting into how it happened? XD
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