|
Fleur Du Mal -> RE: Life of the Party Comments (5/28/2010 14:27:15)
|
Hello. =)
From the three poems you've got up currently, I like the last one the best. The opening line had really captivating imagery and eventhough short, the piece delivered emotion and mood to me quite efficiently.
The first one also holds together brilliantly, and it has good imagery. I understood that the commas on each line are for rhythm, am I right? My reaction to that was mixed, I do get it, and on one hand do not want to start ranting about any changes, and then on the other hand it started to feel a tad choppy. What I mean is that I started to wonder if a line like this
quote:
The rushing wind, my only friend.
would flow better with
quote:
The rushing wind is my only friend.
But then, again, that would set the line apart from the rest. Heh, just trying to type out my thoughts here as I read it, I'm not saying that your poem would need any adjustments.
The Essence of Art was an interesting read, as I found myself disagreeing with some of the thoughts presented there. Which is good, because poems that provoke thought are needed, even when the reader disagrees. =P I have no claims against the style of writing for the poem, I just purrsonally read some lines a tad awkwardly based on my own experiences/style in writing poems. As the poem moved from Imagine to Believe and I came to the line "Remain positive throughout " I was somewhat distracted as a heap (not all by any means!) of my own scribbling come from so dark places that getting those written down actually requires negativity and sheer doubt towards the whole process of creating them or they'll lose their force. So, that's what I meant by disagreeing. But it's a beautiful poem on art, nonetheless. =)
This is slighty nit-pickerish, but in the stanza on Act:
quote:
Use them to make the image
You create in your mind,
you use present tense with 'create' although the creation of the image happened prior to this stanza and thus I thought that maybe the past tense, 'created', would be more logical.
Your call, of course.
|
|
|
|
