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Mo -> As the Days Unfold (6/27/2010 22:08:00)
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Today is one of those important days for me. You know, those days where you wake up and the window by your bedside is shining sunlight over your face and the warm rays seem to comfort you. The smell in your house permeates of a kind of old wooden scent. The kind you find in old houses that never really utilized modern standards. It’s one of those days where you have this sense of belonging and you look back on your life and you can legitimately say, “I don’t care what I did back then because the past is the past and I won’t let it affect me.”
It’s been rare for me to feel like that my entire life so those days that I have that feeling, I savor it. I try not to forget it because if I do I’ll let my mind get to me again and I don’t think I can stand that. You see, I’ve always been curious. In the beginning, it was a sort of happy curiosity, one that seems to have a childlike innocence. The problem for me is what happened after. It transformed into a kind of starving curiosity, one that would devour me whole if I couldn’t indulge it and that scares me.
That’s why I take these days in slowly, the ones where I don’t need to go out and satisfy my own mind. I like to go take a walk to a place close to my heart. It’s a woods but I’ve always held it as a symbol, of not only my own conscious but also all of the drugs, alcohol, and substance abuse that went on around me. When I stare at it, I get a bit lost in my own head.
At first, I went to the woods for no good reason other than I didn’t find anybody outside to talk to. I would walk in, yet I’d admire the nature all around me. The sweet tweets of the birds, the cawing of the crows, the crackling of the crisp leaves underneath the soles of my shoes, the crooked linings and layers of the trees, they all seeped into me. I’d walk slowly, closing my eyes sometimes as I listened to Yellowcard, Halifax, or Papa Roach from my iPod. Now, I’ve never considered myself materialistic but that iPod was one of three objects that I’ve actually loved and had an emotional attachment to. I got that iPod off my friend for twenty-five dollars along with skull-candy earbuds and an MP3 player that I gave to my friend for ten dollars that I never saw.
I never saw those ten dollars, and the money I spent on the iPod got my friend some weed. I tried telling myself that I didn’t know what he used that money for until my dad found out about me buying that iPod. He got angry at me for it. He took my wallet, which had over five hundred dollars in it and then told me to ask my friend what he did. Turned out, he spent fifteen dollars on weed. I was disappointed to say the least, but I figured he would have done it anyways. He was a complete pothead.
More when I get around to it
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