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Lantern Man -> RE: =DF= Thankstaking War Commentary (11/25/2010 16:59:17)
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@ saber you misspelled some words and made some sentences too short and grammatically incorrect, I'll try to find them and show you the problems
quote:
Imaru had been insane for all of his life, and then after waking up one morning in doom wood, he could think clearly. And he liked it.
the "and then" should be "but". "And he liked it" should just be "He liked it". Doomwood should be capatilized and one word.
quote:
As he lifted the Dead scorpiarc onto his back
dead should be lowercase and Scorpiarc should be capitalized.
quote:
As he neared the road to doomwood another thought, this one more like a memory crossed his mind.
again, Doomwood should be capitalized and you need a comma after memory.
quote:
And he even enjoys when he is being hunted by his mark.
The sentence sounds better when it is just "He even enjoys being hunted by his mark.
quote:
From above the hero fell
It should be "The hero fell from above".
quote:
It took him months to do this, to learn to control his emotions and to master his technique. To become a master took time, but Imaru is exceptional at what he does.
The second sentence sounds slightly rhetorical, but changing it is a mater of the point your trying to get across.
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