RE: Book of Joy (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Gaming Community] >> [Legends and Lore] >> Writers of Lore >> [The Workshop] >> Craft Discussion



Message

Xplayer -> RE: Book of Joy (1/9/2011 14:05:35)

More minireviews:

Letters to Mother by Xplayer1: As I read this to my scout troop, I noticed that there was a slight discrepancy between my intent and how the reader understood it.
spoiler:

The mother was dead the whole time, from Eric's first letter. To rectify this, I should have changed the last sentence to "I shall be joining you soon after I burn these pages as I have always done. Please wait for me at the gate."

Otherwise I'm fairly content with how it turned out. It's better than my last story in my opinion, and it was fun to try a different format for a change.

Intermission: Reprimand and Recovery by Eukara Vox and Alex Shiveran: This was quite an interesting piece. I particularly enjoyed the various different voices in the story. Each character has a dramatically different way of speaking, and yet it doesn't seem exaggerated or cliche. I haven't heard that story of Cassandra the Prophet, but I'll be sure to use it somewhere in the future.

An Occurrence of Joy by Storm: This piece demonstrates the unique beauty of a poem. This work could not have been accomplished through any other medium; words are the only means of depicting such abstract ideas. I loved the message of the poem, even though I've heard it many times before. It's good to know that the sharing of joy is still present in the world.



Eukara Vox -> RE: Book of Joy (1/9/2011 15:48:22)

The Right Path............................................................................................Superjars
The Journey to Joy takes many forms. Some, harder and more emotionally ridden than others.
A Tail to Tell...............................................................................................Dragonnightwolf
One person's joy can be one very strange tail...
Joyous End & The Falling of an Angel............................................................The Doctor
A collision of ideals, of Joy or finding reality.



edit: links fixed



Xplayer -> RE: Book of Joy (1/10/2011 0:05:12)

Just a short review before sleeping:

The Right Path by superjars: This story brought about conflicting reactions with me. My inner child and the aspect of myself that simply enjoys reading for the sake of reading thoroughly enjoyed this piece. It's a simple fable with fluid description, yet the images were achieved with relatively simple words (by "simple" I mean I didn't have to look up a word every paragraph). My critic aspect of me had issues with the deus ex mechina aspects of the work which made the flow of the overall narrative rather...choppy in my opinion. Since the solutions to her conflicts came out of nowhere, the reader had nothing to anticipate. However, when these forces are pitted against each other, the former will always win. Sometimes a story is best told simply, and that is the case here.

Edit: Now to review the other three.
A Tail to Tell by Dragonknightwolf: A narrative poem, yay! I really liked the story. It has nice, fairy tale characters and a simple expression of adventure and the joy that can come from it. The piece has an aura of innocence that is necessary for a good bedtime story. At times, the rhyme and meter were perfect, often reminding me of the Dr. Seuss tales of my youth. However, at other times assonance and slant rhyme were used, and even sometimes rhyme was completely abandoned. This was distracting, but the inconsistencies in meter (not so much between stanzas but between couplets) were the bigger problem. It's not perfect, but I could tell how you struggled to fit the form while telling a good story. In the end, it was enjoyable despite its flaws.

Joyous End by The Doctor: The progression of stanzas in this poem was excellent. I loved how the days whizzed by as if the speaker barely acknowledged them, rather focusing on the end and the joy that would come with it. I also found it interesting the way rhyme was played around with in the poem. While each stanza was not a completely unique rhyme scheme, I liked how the changes in scheme gave each stanza its own flavor.

The Falling of an Angel by The Doctor: The joy of dreams is nicely captured in this piece. Once again, I loved the use of a rhyme scheme shift in stanza four to highlight the idea and give it special meaning. I had to read the poem a couple of times to understand how it connected to the title, but I think I finally get it.

So much poetry...



Eukara Vox -> RE: Book of Joy (1/11/2011 11:15:51)

Nemesis.....................................................................................................Wildroses
Ah,what can fill a necromancer with joy? Read and find out.



Xplayer -> RE: Book of Joy (1/11/2011 16:51:17)

Nemesis by Wildroses: I know that I post that I enjoy the works from this project on nearly every piece, but this one was definitely one of my favorites that I've ever read. I just absolutely loved the way the characters were developed. Darkstar is such an intriguing villain, intelligent, cool, and unapologetic about his actions. Tessa-Marie was the hotheaded skilled Paladin I expected, but the way she acted and her attitude that showed through her dialogue made the development authentic. Marla, Caster, and Peregrine were nice supporting characters, occasionally providing comic relief but also serving other purposes. My only small quibble was that there was not much description of setting, which made it difficult to capture the atmosphere in which the characters interacted, but since the focus was on character development and plot, this can easily be excused.



demolitiondragon -> RE: Book of Joy (1/11/2011 22:04:01)

Nemesis:
quote:

this one was definitely one of my favorites that I've ever read.

I second this with great emphasis.



Wildroses -> RE: Book of Joy (1/12/2011 22:16:18)

Well, I'm glad you two liked it. I was plagued by every conceivable problem from conception, writing, editing right through to submitting this piece (It nearly didn't make it to this book. Eukara and I still have no idea why the links worked for me and not her), so now I guess it was worth it. I've never really considered Darkstar villainous or evil, it's just having been bought up from a young age by Undead has given him odd ideas of what is conventional and acceptable behaviour. For example, most children are taught you get what you want by saying please and thank you, but Darkstar was taught you get what you want by threatening to kill someone.

And the lack of description of the setting definetly reflects my personal taste in reading. I tend to get bored reading descriptions in books and skip ahead until the characters start doing something. Plot and character development is all I care about, although this is not true for everyone. Plus I never get very clear pictures in my minds of settings, what I see with clarity are the actions and reactions of my characters and the reasons behind these. Next time I write something I might try and think about what the setting would look like and include a few descriptions. Descriptions are so hard to integrate into the narrative flow. It often just seems easier to leave them out rather than risk breaking up the flow. But I guess these book projects are meant to challenge us.



Reaper Sigma -> RE: Book of Joy (1/14/2011 15:10:49)

Loved Nemesis. I'd read more, but my two new books will keep me busy for a while. One day, I will read every single story in the Books Project.



Torn -> RE: Book of Joy (1/17/2011 8:33:29)

Are there going to be any other stories for this Book? Also, very nice job with Nemesis.



Helixi -> RE: Book of Joy (1/17/2011 11:38:55)

^This book won't accept any more submissions, but there's always next month to submit a story in that theme. :D

XPlayer: I loved Letters to Mother. I was quite moved, tbh.



Eukara Vox -> RE: Book of Joy (1/17/2011 12:34:18)

Reunion.....................................................................................................Torn
Are all reunions joyful?
Master of Puppets & First-class Declaration....................................................The Doctor
Memories and second chances, perhaps a hint of joy, and going for what you think is the best.
Light..........................................................................................................reaper0001
There is light at the end of the tunnel. And with it, a glimpse of joy.
Happy Happy Joy Joy..................................................................................Balu
Doing for others is quite possibly the best kind of Joy
Ghost of Joy...............................................................................................Fleur Du Mal
Sometimes, when Joy seems lost, one reminder is all it takes to remember the Joy



Eukara Vox -> RE: Book of Joy (1/17/2011 18:00:49)

Joyful........................................................................................................The Doctor
Evaluating a life and knowing now and then is something great.
And the Angels Shall Sing..............................................................................Eukara Vox
Joy of Serving leads to a Mother's Joy
Snapshots..................................................................................................Clyde and Eukara Vox
Memories are a source of Joy



Eukara Vox -> RE: Book of Joy (1/18/2011 13:50:50)

25. Epilogue: Joy in Companionship....................................................................Eukara Vox
Companionship is worth everything

And, with that, the Book of Joy is complete.

Also, those of you who read this will get to read Eukara's native tongue! So, enjoy.



Clyde -> RE: Book of Joy (1/18/2011 22:54:42)

Awesome! I am glad at how our collab came out Eukky. No matter what anyone else thinks, we kicked butt! :P

Great work everyone! To those who participated, good job! To those who couldn't, there's always the next one!



Xplayer -> RE: Book of Joy (1/19/2011 0:02:21)

quote:

XPlayer: I loved Letters to Mother. I was quite moved, tbh.

Thanks I'm glad you liked it!

Sorry, but considering my semi-restricted schedule now due to school, I'll have to skip some works to review. I'll come back to Torn's (I have to read the other entries into previous books first), and the other Doctor poems (sorry, but I'm not very good at reviewing poetry and I've already commented on several). So for now I'll start with reaper's.

Light by Reaper0001: This story was so simple and yet it captured something amazingly universal. The deaths of soldiers can never be honored enough; never can there be enough words inscribed about their bravery and the deep wounds that their deaths cause. This piece brought a warm feeling to my heart, which I'm glad to have experienced in one of these books. I just have one question of clarity though.
quote:

10:45 PM

She rubbed her eyes, thinking she was still half asleep. But the time remained the same.

I've been asleep for more than thirteen hours? she thought. Then she remembered Sarah.

Why did she go to sleep at 9:45 AM?



Reaper Sigma -> RE: Book of Joy (1/19/2011 15:28:13)

First off, thanks for the critique. I really appreciate it, as I'm a bit rusty due to school getting in the way of my writing. I haven't written anything since October/November until now. Glad you liked it.

As for her going to sleep, this is a bit based off my reaction to sadness. When I feel sad, I usually lie down. When I very sad, I go to sleep. I based Anna's reaction to James' calling on that. I thought I made it clear, though I suppose I didn't.



Xplayer -> RE: Book of Joy (2/12/2011 1:49:56)

I know it's been a while since the book has been finished, but I think now is a good time to finish reviewing the stories. It'll get me warmed up for the next project so hopefully my entry will be somewhat memorable (or if I'm lucky, good).

Happy Happy Joy Joy by Balu: The rhyme was a bit rough at times but the story was cute and uplifting. It put a smile on my face. Remember for future poetry that punctuation dictates pauses, not line breaks. A comma means a quick pause ,and a period is a full stop. I noticed that the meter I think you intended at some points was inconsistent with what you wrote, but with poetry you never can tell, so I could just be nitpicking.

Ghost of Joy by Fleur Du Mal: It's works like these that remind me how far I need to go as a writer. The diction is simply excellent; it achieves its purpose without being complicated, but by choosing the right words for the right places. I love the use of italics to distinguish memory, the slant of the text always reminds me of the way our memories are imperfect in their formation. Your metaphors are superb. I loved the run on sentence (you know the one). It demonstrates Ellie's childish train of thought perfectly. On top of all these technical feats, the story was a tear jerker as well. The one missing element I felt was a little bit of reflection from the older Ellie about her memories of her father, perhaps trying to rationalize why he did what he did. That would have increased the emotional impact at the end in my opinion as the last line would have been a direct release of tension. The reader now has to imply these feelings of Ellie; her lack of self reflection could lead the reader to assume certain obvious emotions but lacks the potential for a more specific profile. I'm not saying that you should have said "Ellie felt really sad," but rather that she should have confronted the issue more directly, and that would have made the ending a bit more powerful. But that's how I'd have written the story, and your format makes for a much less Hallmarky structure. I tend to write a lot of analysis of works I like, and I enjoyed this one very much.

And the Angels Shall Sing by Eukara Vox: My question with this story is what was your inspiration? It was an almost shockingly real situation with nameless, faceless characters. And yet, I loved how the characters were developed. Some were developed through inner monologue, others through spoken word, and some simply through a glance of appearance. What I love about these book projects is seeing the dramatic differences in writing styles. While Fleur's story was very metaphorical, highly descriptive, and run with emotion, this work was subtle, structured, and intentionally simple with very little detail above what was absolutely necessary given. Detail seemed to have been very meticulously used in this story, almost as if you were an artist who wanted to put as little paint on the canvas as possible while achieving the effect of a detailed masterpiece. This highlights the importance of each detail and creates a story that is much more universal. Overall, I really liked the story; it was enlightening and thought provoking.

I'll finish the rest tomorrow.

Well, it's not the rest as I'm busy, but I wanted to read the intro to the next book so I'll read the epilogue for this one.

Epilogue: Joy in Companionship by Eukara Vox: First, typo notification.
quote:

Plucking the pen from th air, she signed the letter herself - Henah merewet, Eukara Vox.

This story brought nice closure to the book. Your speech was quite heartwarming. It was also nice to read more of the language of dragonflies (I expected something a bit more "buzzy" myself :P).



Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3]

Valid CSS!




Forum Software © ASPPlayground.NET Advanced Edition
0.109375