|
The Bansheebot -> I Imagine (1/7/2011 9:04:48)
|
I imagine myself sometimes. I imagine myself in different worlds, with different friends, with different talents. I imagine myself as a different person.
I imagine myself with wings flying, escaping the hatred that I feel towards the world. The flight is not a struggle. There is no trial involved, no enemies to defeat, no battles to win.
There is no self-doubt.
I imagine myself as a protector; an anti-bully. I patrol school campuses and neighborhoods, helping younger and weaker people when they are confronted with problems they cannot overcome by themselves. I am selfless, never asking for anything in return.
There is safety.
I imagine myself in laboratories with equipment and technology far surpassing my realistic knowledge. Electronscopes line the walls, petri dishes litter the desks, and circuit boards lay half-mounted into advanced machines. I use each in combination, creating and proving new unified theories.
I win prestigious awards and acknowledgment.
I imagine myself looking into a mirror with a perfect face looking back. There is symmetry and perfectly coloured hair. My skin is smooth and spotless. My nose is not too large and not too small. Instead it accents my bone structure and my arching eyebrows, which are not too thick.
I am popular.
~
"Wake up."
My eyes open to see the face of a friend. I am in a classroom and a bell has just rung. School must be out. I gather my bags and materials and head for my locker. I am interrupted by my headmaster, who proceeds to describe to me the consequences for large amounts of outstanding assignments. I shrug him off reassuring him that I will eventually hand them in. My mind turns to dark thoughts.
I take the school bus home. As I get on I look around for an empty seat, and I sit at the back next to the window. I put on my headphones and stare blankly outside. Several minutes later, I hear people shouting. As I look towards the front of the bus, I notice a younger student being bullied by the older students. There is no point to their abuse, it appears to be "harmless fun". I sigh, knowing inwardly that I can do nothing to help the student.
I open my front door, and walk slowly upstairs to my room, barely acknowledging my parents' greetings. I lay down and rest on my bed, staring at my guitars hanging from the wall. I move over to my workbench and sit down. I push aside several drawings of different machines and contraptions. I turn on my desk-lamp and my soldering iron. After thirty minutes, I have completed the wiring to my newest project. After several trial runs and modifications, I throw it against the wall. I lower my head into my arms as I think back onto all of my other projects and experiments that have failed.
I spend the rest of the night filled with self-loathing. I browse aimlessly on the internet, aiming only to pass the time. My siblings go out to social gatherings with friends while I surf TV channels. I am waiting hopelessly for a call or a text on my mobile. After several hours, I give up and try to sleep.
I-
I imagine myself...
I imagine myself in a world where imaginations come true.
The tears fall down my face, wetting the pillowcase. That imagined world is the only place I have felt happy.
~fin
|
|
|
|
