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Acient J -> RE: Shadow Mists C&C (2/22/2011 21:17:29)
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I've read the story and am writing a critique request now. *Placeholder
Shadow Mists has much potential as a story; I'm already intrigued. There is a line, however, between foreshadowing and overshadowing. You are overshadowing. Your readers are being left in...too much darkness, for lack of a better analogy. I think it would help if you were more descriptive. This always helps the reader enjoy the story more, but it would also lessen the overshadowing. Tell me: what does the arena look like? What was Solreyah thinking as she fought in the Tournament? etc.
Your grammar is excellent. There is only one thing that bugs me. Almost randomly, you have hyphens in between syllables. I'm not sure why, but they are not needed. Here's an example.
quote:
But the referee had accepted it... be-cause the girl had not had time...
"Because" does not need a hyphen.
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