(DF) Before the Dawn Commentary thread (Full Version)

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Silver Xoven -> (DF) Before the Dawn Commentary thread (4/11/2011 12:13:24)

Here's the link. Before the Dawn.
Hope you like it. [:D]



Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (DF) Before the Dawn Commentary thread (4/11/2011 12:31:08)

Hey Silver, few people I know start their story this far into the game.

quote:

She saw a few guards standing at the gate, guardian the entrance to the village.


guarding

quote:

In the morning, Xoven rose up slowly fro mthe bed.


from the

quote:

She walked towards which looked like the military headquarters, and went inside the wooden doors.


I think that should be "through".

quote:

"This is the MoonRidge military headquarters, restricted from outsiders", the captain said as Xoven approached him, still glancing at his strategy maps.


militairy

What's with the thing people have with giving their characters nightmares?

Anyway, care to read mine?



Silver Xoven -> RE: (DF) Before the Dawn Commentary thread (4/11/2011 12:33:29)

Well, it's sorta BEFORE the game started.
See, Before the Dawn. [8D]

And with the nightmares. I dunnoh! [:D]



Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (DF) Before the Dawn Commentary thread (4/11/2011 12:42:46)

@Silver Xoven: Wasn't MoodRidge a supermarket giant shopping mall before the game started? Hm, they never did mention just when it became a real town.

Anyway, care to read mine?



Shadow Ravena -> RE: (DF) Before the Dawn Commentary thread (4/11/2011 13:12:30)

nightmares are just fun to write in my opinion.

silver, if its before the game starts you might want to make a note of it at the top, I thought it was around the moonridge war or something.




Mritha -> RE: (DF) Before the Dawn Commentary thread (4/11/2011 13:13:50)

@Dwelling, Because nightmares ish fun! But seriously, they can add depth into a story if done right :)

quote:

"I'd like to rent a room. And get me abeer, please"

a beer
quote:

She lay down her backpack, and took out her sword and its sheat

sheath
quote:

She sidestepped and when the captain miseed her and she managed to cut at the captain's elbow.

missed. I also recomend taking out the second "and" and putting a comma after "her" to help with the sentence flow :)
quote:

They shared a tent together, and Xoven got benk from the farthest part of the tent to get her some privacy.

I that supposed to be "a bunk"?


For your first story this a pretty good Silver! Though I do have one question, I'm assuming you used your character for this story, but I thought she had blue hair? In the story Xoven has black.



Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (DF) Before the Dawn Commentary thread (4/11/2011 13:16:15)

@Mritha: Eh, I'll stick to dreams of prophecies.

As for Xoven's hair, the soulweaver hood turned all hair blue ....



Mritha -> RE: (DF) Before the Dawn Commentary thread (4/11/2011 13:18:09)

It does? Ah, didn't know that.



Arthur -> RE: (DF) Before the Dawn Commentary thread (4/11/2011 13:20:53)

A question if u dont mind.
Before what game is this story set?



Silver Xoven -> RE: (DF) Before the Dawn Commentary thread (4/11/2011 13:21:12)

Typos fixed, note added to the top.
I HATE TYPOS! [:@]

@DD: Will read it later, quite busy now. [;)]



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