Serpent's Heart: Volume One ~ Works Discussion (Full Version)

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Anastira -> Serpent's Heart: Volume One ~ Works Discussion (8/7/2011 20:28:53)

Hello, all! This is the story that I refer to in the title of this thread.

I created this story when I was about ten (that was a couple years ago) and now I would like to know if you all think that, with a few tweaks here and there and a more mature writing style, I should continue this story. I'd also like feedback and critiques. This is the most recent version of the story I have, so it will sound a bit too obvious and mysterious in a very juvenile way; expect that.



Jae10 -> RE: Serpent's Heart: Volume One ~ Works Discussion (8/10/2011 15:04:00)

< Wow. This is a very good story. By all means you should continue it. The poem in the beginning (or was it prophecy?) was indeed, incredibly catchy. And the diaglouge between all the characters held my absolute attention. You make excellent use of imagery. I like the eloquent yet, quietly foreboding tone to this story.

quote:

Then she stood, seemingly alert, and said, “Frisca kayskla,” with a somber nod. Olynn spoke little of the language Nina spoke in now, but he could just make out the short greeting. Behind her stood the shadow of a lofty individual who was barely visible in the light.


And how cool is that?! You even made a creative new language. Paolini would be proud! X3

Honestly, you're writing is far from juvenile. It's pretty professional. If I saw this story at the local library, I'd definitely be checking it out! :D



Celestin123 -> RE: Serpent's Heart: Volume One ~ Works Discussion (8/10/2011 15:48:41)

Wow, Ana! This story is even better than I thought! It has great grammar and I love the mysterious tone that the story has
taken. It's so beautifully detailed and I can't wait for another chapter to come out. Like Jae said, if this story was in a local
library then I'd check it out too! And if the rest of the story is like the first chapter, then it might even be published one day!



Nightlark -> RE: Serpent's Heart: Volume One ~ Works Discussion (8/11/2011 16:33:03)

Nicely written, Ana! I look forward to the next chapter. However, I found it a little hard to read because of the spacing. It was a bit too cramped.



Anastira -> RE: Serpent's Heart: Volume One ~ Works Discussion (8/12/2011 15:25:48)

Whoa. Sorry I haven't checked back earlier! :P

Well, thanks for the feedback, everyone! :D Shadow, I'll fix the spacing thing on Micro Word, where it's safely saved and kept (for now). I do wonder if I can ever publish one of my own novels...besides, my parents never even laid one glance on that one, and it's not been edited for a long while.



delta blitz -> RE: Serpent's Heart: Volume One ~ Works Discussion (8/12/2011 18:10:07)

Epic story and it is good to see that someone else had thought up their story way before they started writing on the forums. (For me I started thinking up my stories when I was in 5th grade).



Anastira -> RE: Serpent's Heart: Volume One ~ Works Discussion (8/17/2011 17:58:54)

I wrote stories since about seven or eight years ago, when I was five or six. I've actually been searching for a site to share them on for quite a while, and I think I've found my site. At least, for RPing, it's the best site ever!



Nightlark -> RE: Serpent's Heart: Volume One ~ Works Discussion (8/30/2011 19:34:50)

Ana, do you have a second chapter in mind? I would love to read the rest of the story and would be sad to see it die...



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