With The Moment (Poetry Discussion)

With The Moment (Poetry Discussion) (Full Version)

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Alanna Zelen -> With The Moment (Poetry Discussion) (9/10/2011 22:33:22)
With The Moment Witch's Peril Mother's Lullaby The Return The FanGirl The Ice Wasteland The Fading Light Tale of Long Ago Masks of the Mind To War! Different Spring Becomes Murder Mystery The Realm Shadowalker Lady Unknown Guarding Darkest Cards Dreamers War Wonder Flames Seige Alongside Me Headstrong Wildfire Bittersweet

aizenv3 -> RE: With The Moment (Poetry Discussion) (9/10/2011 23:53:58)
Darkest Cards reminds me of Nightmare Queen from AQ. Nice poems

Lady Veryon -> RE: With The Moment (Poetry Discussion) (11/13/2011 17:02:54)
I like your poetry conceptually. My only suggestion (and a searching one at that) would be to pay close attention to your metering. I understand people have prose, but especially the ones with a rhyme scheme should probably have some sort of measured meter. It should feel right in your gut when you write it, know what I mean? Keep writing. You're very gifted. V

Alanna Zelen -> RE: With The Moment (Poetry Discussion) (1/10/2012 6:20:40)
Veryon, of course I do :P Sometimes I just meander off what WAS metered in my mind correctly XD Usually when I needed to choose a new wording for something... I'll do my best to keep it in mind however ^^ Since there is a reason I remembered to check this topic again; two poems written since I last thought to update the list. Wildfire Bittersweet

Shreder -> RE: With The Moment (Poetry Discussion) (1/10/2012 9:01:53)
Hey! I read through a handful of your poems, and I think I agree with Lady V. Your poems are quite good conceptually, and you are adept at rhyming without making it seem forced (a common mistake...) However, there are some places where small things, often rhythm (Because keep in mind, a poem doesn't have to be strictly metered as long as it has some form of rhythm to it...) cause minor distractions from the overall quality of the piece. I'll take "Wildfire" as an example: quote: Heat my own, given in trust Soul my own, flesh and blood Wildfire in me, wild and untamed Beware of me, when I am maimed Heart of yours, scarred yet whole Soul of yours, strong and true Wildfire within, wild and untamed Beware of him, when I am maimed Heart of ours, shared and strong Souls of two, truth and right Wildfire raging, wild and untamed Beware of us, and the roaring flame Now it's a fine poem, but there are some places where the flow is just a little bit awkward, namely the change in every stanza from the second line to the third. As far as I can tell, this is because the tendency when reading the word "wildfire" is to make "wild" two syllables, giving the line nine overall. So each stanza is generally 6-6-9-8, and that third line always seems to have one beat too many, at least when I read it. I could put forth a couple solutions. The simplest one is to simply pronounce the "fire" in "wildfire" in such a way that it has two syllables as well (fai-yer), which is technically okay but a little unintuitive. Most people reading your poem for the first time likely won't do that. Another solution would be to take the "wild" out of each "wildfire", changing it to just "fire". As far as I can tell this fixes the flow problem, and in the process alleviates another concern of mine--the fact that there are two "wild"s in the same line, which just strikes me as unnecessarily repetitive. These are only suggestions, mind, and you can follow or ignore my advice as you please. [;)]

Alanna Zelen -> RE: With The Moment (Poetry Discussion) (1/10/2012 19:50:38)
Haha, I'm not going to touch the composition of anything I've already wrote. Especially not Wildfire; just because that one has a particular meaning for me :P But those are things I'll try to keep in mind when I'm looking back over stanza's trying to work out what broke the flow. I just don't like touching what I've already created; as I tend to completely alter it. Thank you both for the input ^^

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