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Argeus the Paladin -> RE: (AQ) Warlic's Secret Garden - Discussion (10/11/2011 2:44:54)
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First off, your writing quality is quite good. I could find little flaw with the technical aspects aside for one misplaced phrase here or a missing word there. This could actually be an excellent piece, except for one key aspect:
This is not a short story.
Let me clarify: A story or a standalone story arc almost always consists of an opening (how the story begins), a conflict (the main force that drives the story, caused by the... ahem, "conflict", for lack of better words, between one or more forces), a climax (how the conflict is pushed to the extreme and resolved), and an ending. The opening and the ending is not always necessary, but a conflict and a climax, especially the former, is required for any story.
Now here, while well-written, what you have is just Artix waking up after being knocked out cold by one potion too many and is taken downstairs to visit Warlic's eponymous garden and marvels at it. There is literally no conflict. Hence, it's not a short story, just a descriptive scene, albeit a very well done one. Reading this work is like eating a bowl of gourmet-cooked ramen soup - there are ample spices, excellent seasoning, just right amount of herbs, delicious meat... but no noodle. This bowl of soup would be excellent if served with any variant of noodle, but without any noodle, you can't call it ramen. I hope my analogy makes sense.
In my opinion, this piece as it currently stand has little significance. However, if you were to write another story proper, this scene would more than likely find its use.
Good luck, and battle on!
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