=NaNoWriMo= Flight of the Black Eagles - C&C (Full Version)

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Argeus the Paladin -> =NaNoWriMo= Flight of the Black Eagles - C&C (11/1/2011 8:52:46)


A NaNoWriMo submission... sort of


So as a means to keep myself motivated and show off my mad leet writing skillz I am posting what I have written for my NaNoWriMo novel here on a daily basis. This is also my way to gather comments and criticism for this work, since I have quite a high hope and standard for this particular work.

If you haven't noticed yet, this is the fourth incarnation of the core concept of my horribad old shame "Romance of the Holy War". Indeed, the core concept - which can be described in one short sentence - remains unchanged: Tsukihime meets Total War/Age of Empires/Mount and Blade. The setting, characters and whatever could be referred to as the "meat" of the story, however, had changed dramatically. Still, I bet my savings that a keen reader of Nasuverse* can still spot between the lines the distinct TYPE-MOON influence. Either way, it is my hope that this work will finally grow to a point where it can meet the industry standard and be publishable.

So, with no further ado... I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it!

* I'm looking at you, LordKaho. [;)]



Argeus the Paladin -> RE: =NaNoWriMo= Flight of the Black Eagles - C&C (11/2/2011 9:03:04)

First part of chapter 1 up. Word count at 12:00 AM of the 3rd: ~4300 words.



Argeus the Paladin -> RE: =NaNoWriMo= Flight of the Black Eagles - C&C (11/3/2011 8:24:45)

Second part of chapter 1 up.

Total word count to date: ~6800.



lordkaho -> RE: =NaNoWriMo= Flight of the Black Eagles - C&C (11/5/2011 1:42:38)

quote:

See, that’s why we can’t have nice things,


This made me smile.

My only comment with this is that the dialogue between the two guys in Chapter 1 was a tad too long. I guess it's okay since the purpose of NaNoWriMo was to write novel length stories but reading all those paragraphs in front of a screen isn't as gripping as reading it on a real book; especially if you have an entire chapter devoted to two people talking casually in a single location without much action or movement- A Bottle Episode as TV tropes calls it. But it does work as a quick glimpse into the setting.

And speaking of setting, Istanbul?! It's the cursed Ottoman Turks and their blasted Bombards! Quick, send in the Uhlans to route their artillery! Their cannons won't be firing a single cannon ball today if I can help it.

By the way, I googled the Holy Kommenian Empire and found nothing about it. Did you make it up or perhaps it's a reference to the Holy Roman Empire? Seeing as our 90 (+ 30+ whatever year he was born) year old Vampire aristocrat bears a Polish name.

About Nasu reference though, I have yet to see Nasu's influence in your work so far. Not unless I see a mention of Akasha, the Root, Origins, the Planet as a sentient being or Frederick the Great being a genderbendered tsundere.




Argeus the Paladin -> RE: =NaNoWriMo= Flight of the Black Eagles - C&C (11/7/2011 8:55:39)

Third (technically second) chapter up. Total word count to date: ~11800 words. I guess I need to SPEED UP.[:D]

@ LK:

quote:

My only comment with this is that the dialogue between the two guys in Chapter 1 was a tad too long. I guess it's okay since the purpose of NaNoWriMo was to write novel length stories but reading all those paragraphs in front of a screen isn't as gripping as reading it on a real book; especially if you have an entire chapter devoted to two people talking casually in a single location without much action or movement- A Bottle Episode as TV tropes calls it. But it does work as a quick glimpse into the setting.


I guess that's my style, for better or worse. The actiony part only comes after I've properly explained the background, which, given my worldbuilding, can take ages. If I am to fix this up for publication I might need to mend that.

quote:

By the way, I googled the Holy Kommenian Empire and found nothing about it. Did you make it up or perhaps it's a reference to the Holy Roman Empire?


I've thought up of an alternative-history timeline for this faction, something that is admittedly too large for this post.

In a nutshell, the Black Vampire faction's current ruling house traces its root back to the Komnenid Dynasty of the Byzantine Empire, at which point their patriach married a semi-legitimate daughter of Manuel I Komnenos, became a major aristocrat and was granted a sizable Pronoia. The vampire ruling family remained Byzantine nobles until the fall of Constantinople, at which point they migrated up north, fought off werewolves and papal agents for a while, before settling down and setting up shop in an elaborate underground city underneath Bucharest.

The two most important implications of this is that the vampires in my setting never ceased seeing themselves as the legitimate successors of the Byzantine Empire and the Komnenid dynasty in particular - hence the name and their embrace of late Byzantine culture - and that they are, unlike popular opinion, Orthodox Christians rather than satanists.

quote:

Seeing as our 90 (+ 30+ whatever year he was born) year old Vampire aristocrat bears a Polish name.


Two things: (i) You're probably confusing Julian and Wladislaw. The guy who appeared in the prologue is Julian, and Wladislaw does not appear until chapter 1, and (ii) My vampires are quite young chronologically. Julian is at most around the 70-75 mark, while Wladislaw is about a decade give or take a couple years younger, since he was a baby when his dad was away in the border skirmishes of 1950s. Hermann is slightly older, but ignore him. He's not known for acting his age except in a pinch.

Then again, Emperor Ioannes Sigismund Komnenos was born in the 1840s, which put him in mid-to-late middle age.

quote:

And speaking of setting, Istanbul?! It's the cursed Ottoman Turks and their blasted Bombards! Quick, send in the Uhlans to route their artillery! Their cannons won't be firing a single cannon ball today if I can help it.


Not going to happen. My characters refer to Constantinople as the capital of the Byzantine Empire rather than the Ottomans. [:D]

Also, in regard of my newest chapter:

quote:

However, there was one particular item he would not leave behind at any cost. At the back of the locker there was a single silver dagger. At first sight, it seemed to be an article more suitable for an aristocrat’s silverware collection than combat, what with its having an ornately decorated hilt and guard, a velvet-coated scabbard and – as he picked up and unsheathed it – a delicate, slender blade that threatened to break with the least of manhandling.

And yet Wladislaw could vouch himself as to how durable that blade actually was, as well as how combat-worth it would prove even in the heat of battle as a killing weapon. His father before him had used it to take many a werewolf lives back in the border wars of the fifties of the previous century. And now that he was but an old and paralytic old noble on his porch back in their family holding in Poland, the duties fell on Wladislaw’s shoulders.


Question: Is Wladislaw going to turn into WLADISLAW? [;)]

Answer:

spoiler:

HA HA HA NO. Someone other than him will, though.



lordkaho -> RE: =NaNoWriMo= Flight of the Black Eagles - C&C (11/7/2011 9:31:53)

Wait wait, so this is an alternate history where Turks never invaded Constantinople and as late as the 20th century, heavy calvary is still put into use and World War 1 never happened?



Argeus the Paladin -> RE: =NaNoWriMo= Flight of the Black Eagles - C&C (11/7/2011 9:39:10)

On the contrary.

Everything proceeded as it did in the real world, except for the fact that the supernatural factions - vampires, werewolves and whatnot - existed, and that they stuck to their anachronistic setup because that worked better for them (Enchanting a sword is easier than enchanting a multi-part gun, it goes without saying). If you reread C1, you'd see that the main characters were at least subtly lamenting the fall of the Basileia ton Rhomaion, for instance.

Essentially, my inspiration for this entire setting is "Nasuverse with less gamebreaking powers and steamy scenes and more military technology, tactics and epic speeches. And powered by Total War music." [:D]



lordkaho -> RE: =NaNoWriMo= Flight of the Black Eagles - C&C (11/7/2011 9:48:05)

And I was about to mention that the culverin may not been invented, then again I realized that in the Nasuverse, archaic weapons> firearms (bonus if said weapon is ancient or a regalia). Well that is unless your Hussars would take the time to magically reinforce every lead shot they fire. Good show, Argeus. Definitely hooked up by now.



Argeus the Paladin -> RE: =NaNoWriMo= Flight of the Black Eagles - C&C (11/8/2011 9:24:37)

Thanks. [;)]

BTW, first part of chapter 3 up. Total word count to date: ~13900.



lordkaho -> RE: =NaNoWriMo= Flight of the Black Eagles - C&C (11/8/2011 22:52:55)

In chapter 2

quote:

enck


neck.

Now if this actually occurred in the 15th century, Wladislaw would have arrived at Hi No Mo To during the Warring States. I just find it rather funny that a bunch of men in scale armor are waltzing around in modern city like it was no one's business.

Polish Winged Hussars+Sengoku Jidai Daimyo. This is just too awesome to pass up.

Anywho, care to give a hint on what this common foe is that the Kommenian vampires and the Dragon Wolves need to form a temporary alliance?

By the way, will we have Oni in this story? People with demon blood like Akiha Tohno and Kishima Kouma for example. And speaking of Tsukihime, you will be now listening to this while writing up your next chapter.




Argeus the Paladin -> RE: =NaNoWriMo= Flight of the Black Eagles - C&C (11/9/2011 2:42:18)

quote:

I just find it rather funny that a bunch of men in scale armor are waltzing around in modern city like it was no one's business.


This is actually a plot point.

The HKE regulars are issued with a cloaking magical device that plays trick on the human mind's expectation of the banality.

To clarify: When you walk into the street every day as a well-adjusted adult with a job and a business in mind, you would not expect vampires, werewolves and demons or anything out of the ordinary walking around, and you would most likely ignore or rationalize things that look out of the ordinary as "It's just a passing thing/someone is doing a film/not my business". This "cloaking" device takes advantage of that tendency and create an illusion of what the bystander unconsciously wants to see to mask the user's real form.

The core concept behind this device is that it only works when the being in question is unaware of the existence of supernatural beings and passively takes measures to try to disbelieve any proof to the contrary. This, unfortunately, restricts the use of the device in the sense that it plainly doesn't work on anyone who is aware of the existence of the supernatural world. So when a non-supernatural person looks at a HKE soldier, he would see not the reality of a muscular dude who wears antiquated armor and a bigass lance/sword/scythe, but the illusion of someone who his unconscious mind would most associate with that particular situation.

I thought I've hinted it as early as in the first chapter. This part, to be exact.

quote:

Those facial features, unfortunately, were the only things bystanders could agree about regarding his looks. Depending on whom one would ask, they would receive a completely different answer. Some would describe his garment as an average, smudgy and oily oil rig worker’s jumpsuit. Others would see the same garment as a Turkish army technician’s uniform, complete with a pen in the front shirt pocket and a clipboard in his hands. Still others would say it was a sailor’s uniform, the sort of texture associated with both skilled mariners and Japanese high school girls alike, that he was donning.

If only the onlookers would compare their answers, they might have discovered such a stunning contradiction and reacted accordingly. Unfortunately, the bystanders had next to zero reason to do so. To the busy citizens of Istanbul, he was just another passer-by, a stranger to the city not at all unlike the dozens of thousands who came and go to their bustling ports on a daily basis. If that particular stranger they caught a glimpse of on board a perfectly ordinary ship was anything out of the ordinary, what difference would it make?


quote:

Anywho, care to give a hint on what this common foe is that the Kommenian vampires and the Dragon Wolves need to form a temporary alliance?

By the way, will we have Oni in this story?


You just answered your own question there mate [:D].

To elaborate, the HKE Cataphracts were there first and foremost to hunt down my universe's equivalent of Ciel-sama (Question: And they are the good guys how? Answer: My universe). However, being stuck in mainland Europe for pretty much their entire existence meant that they would arrive without a clue where to begin or how to go around setting up camp and securing a supply line (Read: Blood for the blood god [:D]), which was why in the first chapter they were expecting the Misthophoroi Katanaphoroi to fill them in. Which, as you saw, did not go very well. And that was where the Japanese wolves came into play. A temporary alliance in exchange for bed and breakfast and local knowledge was the most logical move, no?

A random trivia: In the first until third incarnation of this idea, the Cataphracts did not do this admittedly more logical move. Instead, they went about carrying their business in a manner that could be best described as "Mimicking Nero Chaos, only with more discretion", and that drew the ire of the Shiki-equivalents pretty fast. The Shiki-equivalents that had in their hands four armies-in-a-bottle.

It ended as well as you think it would.



lordkaho -> RE: =NaNoWriMo= Flight of the Black Eagles - C&C (11/9/2011 3:46:20)

quote:

When you walk into the street every day as a well-adjusted adult with a job and a business in mind, you would not expect vampires, werewolves and demons or anything out of the ordinary walking around, and you would most likely ignore or rationalize things that look out of the ordinary as "It's just a passing thing/someone is doing a film/not my business". This "cloaking" device takes advantage of that tendency and create an illusion of what the bystander unconsciously wants to see to mask the user's real form.

The core concept behind this device is that it only works when the being in question is unaware of the existence of supernatural beings and passively takes measures to try to disbelieve any proof to the contrary. This, unfortunately, restricts the use of the device in the sense that it plainly doesn't work on anyone who is aware of the existence of the supernatural world. So when a non-supernatural person looks at a HKE soldier, he would see not the reality of a muscular dude who wears antiquated armor and a bigass lance/sword/scythe, but the illusion of someone who his unconscious mind would most associate with that particular situation.


In short, it's just a technological equivalent of Mystic Eyes and Suggestion? Ciel did the same thing in their school and no one wondered about her having a French name.

quote:

foremost to hunt down my universe's equivalent of Ciel-sama


And by Ciel's equivalent do you mean Church executors? People rendered immortal by the will of the planet due to reincarnation loop holes? Or just people who love curry? Lol.

quote:

Instead, they went about carrying their business in a manner that could be best described as "Mimicking Nero Chaos, only with more discretion"


You mean the vampiric cataphracts ate their foes and licked every blood stain to get rid of the evidence permanently?



Argeus the Paladin -> RE: =NaNoWriMo= Flight of the Black Eagles - C&C (11/9/2011 4:01:26)

quote:

In short, it's just a technological equivalent of Mystic Eyes and Suggestion? Ciel did the same thing in their school and no one wondered about her having a French name.


It's more like visual distortion rather than suggestion per say, but yeah, the core concept is the same I suppose *is ashamed*

quote:

And by Ciel's equivalent do you mean Church executors? People rendered immortal by the will of the planet due to reincarnation loop holes? Or just people who love curry? Lol.


Think of it this way: Before I first got into the whole Roman/Byzantine/Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth craze (which I got pretty bad, mind you), the whole HKE used to be an elaborate Roa allegory. That's right folks - I built an entire faction based on the general concept of one guy and missed the point by a mile. Not that it isn't a good thing in hindsight. I think you should see now where the Ciel equivalent fits in [:D]

quote:


You mean the vampiric cataphracts ate their foes and licked every blood stain to get rid of the evidence permanently?


Not them but rather the company of spellcasters/priests they brought along who don't know how to put their appetite in check. Still, Julian is guilty as charged for not knowing how to keep his men in check all the same. [:D]



lordkaho -> RE: =NaNoWriMo= Flight of the Black Eagles - C&C (11/9/2011 4:09:33)

quote:

I built an entire faction based on the general concept of one guy


Guy who wants to be immortal by possessing a host and transferring his soul into the latter (rinse and repeat) in order to record human history- who now realizes that one of his previous hosts who (presumably died) is now alive but won't die until the his own soul is destroyed.

Did I get it right?

So I presume, this "Ciel" people are somewhat like a reject/degenerate faction of the Holy Kommenian empire?



Argeus the Paladin -> RE: =NaNoWriMo= Flight of the Black Eagles - C&C (11/9/2011 5:10:51)

As I said, I completely missed the point of said character and proceeded to build a faction out of that completely-missing-the-point-ness.

... nothing to see here, peeps. [;)]



Argeus the Paladin -> RE: =NaNoWriMo= Flight of the Black Eagles - C&C (11/9/2011 8:14:10)

And finally, an update that is (i) halfway exciting, and (ii) has little to do with anything Nasuverse at all. In a nutshell, Vampire Cataphracts vs. Oni. Guess who won. [:D]

Current word count: ~16800.



lordkaho -> RE: =NaNoWriMo= Flight of the Black Eagles - C&C (11/10/2011 2:04:14)

Effing' glorious.

Your Total War Gamer badge is showing Argeus.

Though I never expected the enemy to be actual "Oni". But like you said, you did rid away the common Nasuverse concept of the Japanese ogre being vampiric humans with insane strength and speed and opted for the traditional version.



Argeus the Paladin -> RE: =NaNoWriMo= Flight of the Black Eagles - C&C (11/11/2011 6:48:58)

Keep in mind that this story of mine, ideally, would be a subtle parody of Nasuverse as well as romantic/supernatural visual novels and a tribute to history, historical fiction and historical game. Also, in my opinion, the "<insert horrible monster here> is actually cute pretty teenage girls with <insert horribly broken power here> who also have <insert sympathetic personal issue here> / <insert cutey trait here>" gimmick is interesting the first few times, but it grows old real fast. For those reason, in my 'verse Oni are the supernatural equivalent of undisciplined mercenaries for the local factions, as are the local Miko demon hunting agency. The problem is, they don't really stand a chance against the European factions' regular elites on the open field as demonstrated right in the last chapter.

spoiler:

A little designers' note: Think the Cats are already great? Try the High Wolves' Varangian Silver-Shield Huscarls, who were basically veteran werewolves with the skills of Danish Viking Age raiders on steroids and discipline of the eponymous Makedonian Argyraspidai, who had overcome their weakness to silver through unspeakably hellish training and conditioning, and who could - and had, in the backstory - eat Cats for breakfast and spit out the saddle.


Also, first part of chapter 4 up. Mainly hint-dropping and character development - nothing actiony yet.

Total word count after 11 days of NaNo: ~18900.



lordkaho -> RE: =NaNoWriMo= Flight of the Black Eagles - C&C (11/14/2011 3:07:17)

D-Did you just deconstruct the "Beach/Hot Springs Episode"?

Anyway, I seem to be getting the grasp of the atmosphere you're building. Sakurasaki reminds me of me setting in Kara no Kyoukai; Ryougi Shiki's mountain home to be exact.

quote:

Also, in my opinion, the "<insert horrible monster here> is actually cute pretty teenage girls with <insert horribly broken power here> who also have <insert sympathetic personal issue here> / <insert cutey trait here>" gimmick is interesting the first few times, but it grows old real fast.


Oi, that hurt man, especially having to play Ar Tonelico where the Big Bad is a moe Mother Virus of Mass Destruction who wants to erase all of humanity due to some twisted yandere reaction- She made a song* to express her love for the latter, but the latter outright rejects it.

*Songs are somehow akin to Reality Warping but with emotions.

YMMV, I guess.

Anyway, quite a soothing chapter. Our young Suichi is proving to be an interesting character.




Argeus the Paladin -> RE: =NaNoWriMo= Flight of the Black Eagles - C&C (11/14/2011 7:15:52)

quote:

D-Did you just deconstruct the "Beach/Hot Springs Episode"?


Less blushing scantily clad teenaged girls, more soldiering camaraderie and politicking. That's my style. Though I'd hardly call that a deconstruction. [:D]

quote:

Anyway, I seem to be getting the grasp of the atmosphere you're building. Sakurasaki reminds me of me setting in Kara no Kyoukai; Ryougi Shiki's mountain home to be exact.


It is actually the standard Sad-Girl-In-Snow town, named after the setting of one of those Magical Girl RPs I've participated this year. For that reason the name is a placeholder until I can find a better one, since as it stands that RP's GM might have a bit of an issue with me.

quote:

Anyway, quite a soothing chapter. Our young Suichi is proving to be an interesting character.


For that comment I think I'd go out of my way to make him into an interesting character. [;)]

Then again, since he is essentially a character based on the utsuge visual novel protagonist archetype, there is plenty of ground to make things more interesting for him, which may or may not be parodic.

Anyway, next part of chapter 4 up. Highlights: Sergei being a racist jerk, and Wladislaw continues to prove he is as detached from the visual novel genre and its archetypes as could possibly be. Oh, and more utsuge shenanigans.

Total word count on the 14th: ~ 21000 words. I think I am falling behind schedule.



Lady Veryon -> RE: =NaNoWriMo= Flight of the Black Eagles - C&C (11/14/2011 16:09:00)

There are one or two names in the opening Chapter/Prologue I don't entirely understand. Are they in Turkish or something? What does the nobility seal mean?

Anyway, I like your writing style. Your characters are witty and your setting (something I often forget myself) is well-placed. I wonder how he missed by a mile? Mmm...

/Will keep reading



Argeus the Paladin -> RE: =NaNoWriMo= Flight of the Black Eagles - C&C (11/15/2011 2:09:03)

quote:

There are one or two names in the opening Chapter/Prologue I don't entirely understand. Are they in Turkish or something?


There are no Turk in my story at the moment, unfortunately. You must mean the Polish name.

quote:

What does the nobility seal mean?


SPOILER ALERT.

spoiler:

The Noble Sigil is the family symbol of a vampire noble family received upon swearing vassalage to the Basileus ton Komnenoi. Aside from being, well, the symbol of the family and carried on their and their retainers' banners, the Sigil is also imbued with a special kind of especially powerful magic unavailable by any other means as a reward for their service. Essentially it allows the holder - the head of the family or his legal successor - to use this magic at will. As long as he/she has the kind of blood reserve to afford it, that is - you see, magic in my setting run on blood.

Unfortunately, some of this special magic are so powerful that they are for the most part useless, and serve only as a symbol of the family's status and prosperity. Case in point: the reason why Julian was terrified of the Potocki family sigil is because it essentially allowed the holder to nuke a rather large area at the cost of his own life. Obviously he had never, ever used that.


quote:

I wonder how he missed by a mile?


I have to ask first - have you read any visual novel? As I mentioned above, this story of mine is ideally a parody of TYPE-MOON/Key Ani visual novels and can't be fully understood without at least a cursory knowledge of those.



Argeus the Paladin -> RE: =NaNoWriMo= Flight of the Black Eagles - C&C (11/15/2011 7:47:00)

First part of chapter 5 up. Total word count to date: ~ 23000 words. In other words, I can only make NaNo if I keep maintaining 2000 words per day. This is going to be more challenging than I thought it was.

Also, five chapters in and I've only introduced two female characters who stay mostly in the background? Bechdel's Test is not going to like my work. [;)]

Either way, I'd be looking forward to reception of Fuyuko and Yukiko (Yes, that's the name of the second gal) Mitsumaru. [:D]



lordkaho -> RE: =NaNoWriMo= Flight of the Black Eagles - C&C (11/15/2011 8:03:27)

W-What is this pain in my heart? It is a familiar pain BUT a good pain nonetheless! HHHNNNNGG-Blaaargh!... (Argeus used moe stereotype! LK faints! Moe stereotype is super effective!)



Argeus the Paladin -> RE: =NaNoWriMo= Flight of the Black Eagles - C&C (11/15/2011 8:27:41)

... that was fast. Really really fast.

@ Moe: I've spent the better half of last year around a particular guy who roleplayed 9-year-old Fate Testarossa really well. As a result, I may not like moe, but I most certainly can do it. [;)]

Still, out of all the things you could find out in that chapter, you only spotted the moe?

<insert "Son, I am disappoint" image macro here>



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