(WF) αωε - Comments and Criticism (Please?) (Full Version)

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ArchMagus Orodalf -> (WF) αωε - Comments and Criticism (Please?) (12/11/2011 14:58:46)

Please offer Comments and Criticism on αωε here.



Mordred -> RE: (WF) αωε - Comments and Criticism (Please?) (12/11/2011 15:05:02)

Not quite sure I understand much of it(yet), but I very much did like the humor towards the end. ^^



ArchMagus Orodalf -> RE: (WF) αωε - Comments and Criticism (Please?) (12/11/2011 15:06:23)

That was certainly fast. :P

Okay, shanks. Is there anything you don't understand that you think you're supposed to understand? XD



Mordred -> RE: (WF) αωε - Comments and Criticism (Please?) (12/11/2011 15:08:52)

quote:

Okay, shanks.

*quickly hides sharpened spoon in the folds of my robe* >.>

Eh, it's more that this is just a beginning. It's the fact that there's so little(yet) that makes it hard to know where any of this is going. I'm sure I'll make sense of it one I have a greater sense of direction.



Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (WF) бще - Comments and Criticism (Please?) (12/11/2011 15:45:31)

@ArchMagus Orodalf: I've read it, it is nice to see you introduce the reader to the story of creation. I cannot tell how long I will follow this story as I find WF's story to be oh so confusing and treacherous. I will not even pretend to understand how things work in regards to AQ.

quote:

and the Elemental Realms were become separate.


Was this intentional?



ArchMagus Orodalf -> RE: (WF) бще - Comments and Criticism (Please?) (12/11/2011 15:48:10)

Yes, it was intentional. It's like "The Lord is come."



Shadow Ravena -> RE: (WF) бще - Comments and Criticism (Please?) (12/12/2011 18:51:11)

*scratches head* Orodalf, you have managed to completely confuse me. From what I could make out, it seems a great start to a very well-written story. Confusing or no, I can't wait to see what is next!



ArchMagus Orodalf -> RE: (WF) бще - Comments and Criticism (Please?) (12/16/2011 22:48:47)

Completely confused? That's not good... Is it too confusing?

Chapter One posted.



Mordred -> RE: (WF) бще - Comments and Criticism (Please?) (12/16/2011 22:57:43)

Well, it won't make sense to one who doesn't play WF. :P



ArchMagus Orodalf -> RE: (WF) бще - Comments and Criticism (Please?) (12/16/2011 22:58:11)

^Specify.



Mordred -> RE: (WF) бще - Comments and Criticism (Please?) (12/16/2011 22:59:57)

I doubt someone who doesn't play WF(like Tigerlady) would understand the Hand of Creation, or the Engine, or much of anything.



ArchMagus Orodalf -> RE: (WF) бще - Comments and Criticism (Please?) (12/16/2011 23:00:51)

That's going to become clear. The Prologue is a bonus for WF/AQ players. Is there anything unclear in Chapter 1?



Shadow Ravena -> RE: (WF) бще - Comments and Criticism (Please?) (12/17/2011 22:06:50)

Mordred's right- I never played AQ (well, I'm still in Batteon) nor WF, so the story elements went over my head. The first chapter was well-done though, and I could make sense of most of it (minus any WF stuff), and was very good. The prologue is fine in my opinion- a nice addition, like you said, for the game players. The info needed too at least read chapter one is able to be sifted out, so I see no issue there. As for everything else- your a good writer so no criticism that can can't be blamed on story-just-started-ities.



ArchMagus Orodalf -> RE: (WF) бще - Comments and Criticism (Please?) (12/18/2011 18:27:05)

Okay, that's good. Did you understand what I meant here?

quote:

Yes. Now, are you fully briefed, Extra Greater Power of Knowledge of the Unified Multiverses of Terra?

All formal now, are we? Heh. Now the hands fell and the back bent in a mock bow. I am, O Ye mighty Lesser Powers of the Elements of the Associated Multiverses of Lore.


And Chapter Two has been posted.



Shadow Ravena -> RE: (WF) бще - Comments and Criticism (Please?) (12/18/2011 21:26:46)

Not at first- the first part I sorta get, but not the latter half.
Chapter 2... interesting. I though the The'Galian was a person... Meh, I am behind in AQ to the extreme. Which seems to be a theme so far...



ArchMagus Orodalf -> RE: (WF) бще - Comments and Criticism (Please?) (12/18/2011 21:30:42)

Okay, then I'll fix the second part.

The'Galin IS a person-- a Greater Power. He is the Consort of Creation, the Consuming Entropy, mentioned in the Prologue.

Okay, I'll fix several things then.

The last line of the Prologue now reads:

quote:

The new Lord found no interest in the Creation and sought instead to live among the Gods in peace. The youngest of the Brethren, The'Galin sought to learn and grow...


The line in Chapter One now reads:

quote:

I am, O Ye mighty Lesser Powers of the Elements, commonly called the Elemental Lords, of the Associated Multiverses of Lore.



Shadow Ravena -> RE: (WF) бще - Comments and Criticism (Please?) (12/19/2011 19:03:26)

Ahh, I get it now. I kinda though he was speaking to the elemental lords, but wasn't sure. As for the The'Galin... I understand that part as well as any non-AQ player can, nice job.



Mordred -> RE: (WF) αωε - Comments and Criticism (Please?) (12/20/2011 18:24:15)

It seems to be shaping up nicely so far! Can't wait to see whether the Network Minister was bluffing or not, and what it means for the Unaga. Hmmm, aren't they a Network race now?



ArchMagus Orodalf -> RE: (WF) αωε - Comments and Criticism (Please?) (12/20/2011 18:26:15)

No, they aren't a Network race. However, they are different in a few ways nowadays... you'll notice that they took the first 240 years to grow to 5 billion, but in the next 60 grew to over 19 billion.



Mordred -> RE: (WF) αωε - Comments and Criticism (Please?) (12/20/2011 18:31:02)

Hmmm, yes, this'll be moste interesting... Can't wait for the next Chapter(even as I write mine!).



ArchMagus Orodalf -> RE: (WF) αωε - Comments and Criticism (Please?) (12/20/2011 19:45:03)

Oh: I don't know if you noticed, Mordred, but the first prophecy could apply to Lore... I was originally considering writing an end to Lore (haunted by its "broken past"-- Reset, "Mage"-- Warlic, "reprise his role"-- Reset again, and a final end to consume all souls), but I decided to change last minute and so came up with the rather whack cretic prophecy. :P



Mortarion -> RE: (WF) бще - Comments and Criticism (Please?) (12/24/2011 14:44:36)

Hmm interesante, there's somehting I am not clear, The Unaga are now very similar to The Network? Still can't wait for more, looks good, bu what means "Time: Mu"?

EDIT: Awesome story, you have inspired me to make a history of an undead Unaga who is bonded to a protean symbiote, better a whole crew, who is bonded to those things that bond with people, but that they have subdued them



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