Varen6398 -> RE: Chainsword Trilogy - Discussion & Behind the scenes? (12/20/2011 15:20:27)
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Great story (I was about to post in your discussion, when I realised you still hadn't set one up yet...)! I found a few little mistakes, but the way your story is told is great! I will bold the mistakes, and then correct them: quote:
Darkness. Heavy rain. Several years after this story begins, in empty city, at empty, kind of narrow street, surrounded by tall, practically identical buildings that rise towards the sky, two men are walking towards each other. It is kind of dark, and it rains heavily. It might be dawn or morning, or perhaps dark clouds just block almost all the sunlight. It is not relevant. They are approximately 300 feet away, both walking towards each other. Other one is clearly a young man (should be 'One is clearly a man) , probably about 25 years old. He has dark, kind of short hair, just short enough to not cover his eyes, even in heavy rain like this. He's not wearing a hat. He has long, white leather jacket, and pants of same color (and pants of the same colour). Not white as snow. More with the shade of gray (More a shade of grey). In the back of his jacket, there is odd symbol of star that has six points. (there is an odd symbol of a star that has six points) He's not wearing gloves. In his both hands, he is carrying two unsheathed katanas. Srangely (Strangely) enough, he doesn't seem to have sheaths to either of them, yet they still seem to be in perfect condition. 250 feet. Based on the other person's body structure, he seems to be man, but it's impossible to say for sure. It's too dark and rainy to see more details about this person, one exluded: He's carrying huge, perhaps 4-5-feet sword in his left shoulder. With one glance, it's obvious that it's two-hand sword (it's a two-handed sword). Even still, it seems bit too heavy (it seems a bit too heavy), big, and unconvenient (inconvenient) to use. Whoever has forged it must have had good reason to make it like that (Whoever forged it must have had a good reason to make it like that). ...Were there... spikes? on the back of it's blade? 200 feet. "Things tend to work out in the end." 175 feet. "Good friend of mine used to say that. A lot." 140 feet. "It's kind of ironic, really..." 120 feet. "It's been years since I last saw him, and heard him say that..." 95 feet. "...And ever since, my things have mostly gone towards hell." 70 feet. Both men stopped. One with two katanas said something (The one with two katanas said something). Other person (The other person) responded with words not to be heard nor known by us just yet. Katana man tightened his grip and took battle stance. "But now..." Other person (The other person) still just stood there quietly. "For the first time in years, I've been driven to situation (driven to a situation) that I cannot win." Other person (The other person) raised his huge sword from his shoulder, then took his own battle stance. "If I lose this fight, I die, no doubt..." Neither one of them moved. Whatever their reason to fight, it was obvious that neither one wanted to solve it by talking. Darkness. Heavy rain. "...But if I win, I lose my last reason to live." "For the first time in years..." "I'm truly afraid." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Good." Mainly grammatical errors. Apart from that, it is great!
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