C+C: Dear Diary, I Want To Be Happy. (Full Version)

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Helixi -> C+C: Dear Diary, I Want To Be Happy. (12/21/2011 15:47:33)

This is the C+C thread for my newest work, Dear Diary, I Want To Be Happy. I'm using a completely different narrative style for this piece, which includes, but is not limited to, diary entries, doctor's notes and third person views. Though I intend this to be a short story, it's ambitious in scope, so please, bear with me while I work out what will undoubtedly be major flaws in this work. Feel free to leave me constructive comments and criticism.

Update
-Added link address, 21.12.11 (The dates are backwards if you're American.)

~Helixi.



Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: C+C: Dear Diary, I Want To Be Happy. (12/21/2011 16:07:32)

Where is the link?



Helixi -> RE: C+C: Dear Diary, I Want To Be Happy. (12/21/2011 16:14:28)

I'll put the link in when I'm finished typing. Chrome decided to crash during posting, so I have to type it out again.



Helixi -> RE: C+C: Dear Diary, I Want To Be Happy. (12/21/2011 17:22:20)

DD; I've added the link to the story. Currently, there's only a prologue up, but I will update the second part of that and hopefully the narrative proper soon.



Shadow Ravena -> RE: C+C: Dear Diary, I Want To Be Happy. (12/21/2011 19:49:14)

*whistles* As expected of such a criticizer, this is incredible. Grammar- I hardly need comment. Story- its interesting, grabs you quickly into itself and leave you wanting to see what happens to this poor girl when its over. An excellent start- or short story to itself.



Helixi -> RE: C+C: Dear Diary, I Want To Be Happy. (12/22/2011 2:21:35)

Thank you Shadow. :D

I realised it may be slightly confusing when I jump to the narrative proper if I don't explain a little. Maria herself is not the main character, but I've posted this for insight into her interactions with the main character, her daughter Sonja.



Varen6398 -> RE: C+C: Dear Diary, I Want To Be Happy. (12/22/2011 4:49:08)

It's a nice little story so far (in terms of description and emotional power). While it isn't raw with sadness or pain, it still makes the reader empathise with the character. So I assume that the daughter will be Maria and Alan's biological offspring? It does seem that that is the case...

So anyway, the prologue is great so far and their is much room for story expansion (which is good in a prologue). Keep up the good work!



Helixi -> RE: C+C: Dear Diary, I Want To Be Happy. (12/22/2011 4:54:37)

You assume correctly about the daughter. I'm working on an update now.



Varen6398 -> RE: C+C: Dear Diary, I Want To Be Happy. (12/22/2011 5:19:14)

Nice. Update soon. Which reminds me, I need to add more to my story! Away I go!



Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: C+C: Dear Diary, I Want To Be Happy. (12/22/2011 11:00:12)

My thoughts on the prologue.

~Ignorance, the bane of (wo)men.



Faerdin -> RE: C+C: Dear Diary, I Want To Be Happy. (12/24/2011 0:11:47)

quote:

It's a nice little story so far (in terms of description and emotional power).
This perfectly describes the beginning to this story, Helixi. Only very rarely has writing pulled such strong emotions from me within the very first chapter, and your writing did that beautifully. Though we do not know very much about Maria (Which is natural, as this is only the beginning), I cannot help but empathize with her.
I simply can't wait for more, as I can tell that this story is going to be a marvelous emotional roller-coaster.. *Readies his box of tissues*



Helixi -> RE: C+C: Dear Diary, I Want To Be Happy. (12/24/2011 7:32:18)

It's amazing that I've had such a positive response in only a few days on this narrative. It's a huge confidence boost because I've never written realistic prose before. Thank you all.



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