[Critique Requested] Varen-Everyone has a Dark Side (Full Version)

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Varen6398 -> [Critique Requested] Varen-Everyone has a Dark Side (1/10/2012 14:52:23) My story. I need a critique on Chapter 1 of my story. The critique should cover grammar, spelling and areas where the sentences don't flow or could be worded better. Comments on the description would be nice, but not necessary. So, anyone up for it?

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Master Samak -> RE: [Critique Requested] Varen-Everyone has a Dark Side (1/12/2012 22:55:30) I intend to critique it, if that's all right. It will be in-depth, as a warning.

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Varen6398 -> RE: [Critique Requested] Varen-Everyone has a Dark Side (1/13/2012 10:53:29) In-depth is fine. I would just love it if you could get it done.[:)]

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Master Samak -> RE: [Critique Requested] Varen-Everyone has a Dark Side (1/14/2012 6:24:44) I see. I regret to inform you that I will be travelling northward for this weekend and beyond. As such, I will be unable to complete my critique within 48 hours. This link is the partial critique I have made for you. It has not yet reached the half of Chapter 1. When I return I will see if I can't finish the whole chapter, but for now I hope this may give you some ideas to apply generally to all writing and to your chapter.

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